AITA for not wanting to spend Christmas with my family after they always make me feel uncomfortable ?
A Reddit user shared their frustration about spending Christmas with their family, where they constantly face criticism about their personal and professional life. Tired of the judgment and emotional toll, they decided to skip the family gathering this year, but their family insists they’re being selfish and “ruining Christmas.” Read the full story below to understand the dilemma.
‘ AITA for not wanting to spend Christmas with my family after they always make me feel uncomfortable ?’
I’m 28 years old, and every Christmas, my family gathers at my parents’ house to celebrate. Although I’ve always tried to enjoy the holidays, I end up feeling more and more uncomfortable each year.
I’m the youngest of three siblings (I have two older brothers, one is 35 and the other is 32), and since I was a teenager, my parents and siblings have made comments about my life that always leave me feeling bad.
My mom constantly criticizes me for not being married yet, even though I’ve explained that it’s not something I’m interested in right now. They also always make comments about my job, like saying I “should be looking for something more stable” or that I “shouldn’t keep doing what I do if it doesn’t make me happy.”
This year, my older brother referred to my career as “something with no future” during dinner, and my mom joined in, saying it’s “time for me to grow up.” I felt really bad and decided that I don’t want to go this year.
I told them I’d rather spend Christmas alone at home, without having to deal with those comments. Now my parents are insisting that I’m selfish, and my mom even told me I was “ruining Christmas” by not wanting to be with the family.
I feel guilty, but I’m also emotionally exhausted from every gathering turning into an opportunity to judge me. I know it’s important to be with family at Christmas, but honestly, I don’t want to spend another year listening to those criticisms. AITA for not wanting to spend Christmas with my family?
Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:
compassrunner − NTA. Sometimes you need to set boundaries and that includes with your family. I can understand why you would rather not go. Plan something nice for yourself.
Mother_Search3350 − You are a 28 year old adult. You have a job, pay your bills, put a roof over your own head. You are old enough to not have other adults tell you where to go, when to go, what to do or even put up with their BS.
If you don’t want to go to Christmas at your parents house, you stay in your own house and put them all on DND till after New Years. Plan a nice restful Xmas for yourself in your own house doing some self care and doing things that you enjoy
Gnd_flpd − NTA. Sounds like they’re going to miss their favorite “chew toy” this holiday. Stay away, do a friends get together if possible.
nasty_eternal − NTA – It’s okay to protect your mental well-being and peace.
HonoluluLongBeach − Yeah, who will they b**ly if you don’t come?
alaskomah − Have you talked about this issue to them in the past? In any case, NTA. I can’t stress this enough, just because they’re family doesn’t mean you have to participate in their gatherings or even remain in contact. You do what you gotta do to protect yourself, it sure ain’t selfish. Hopefully you get to spend a nice Christmas stress-free.
Accomplished-Emu-591 − NTA. It is not your duty to submit to verbal abuse and humiliation for the sake of the rest of the family’s enjoyment. No one should have to do that! Make this holiday season for you to enjoy and grow from. It’s time your family stopped ruining Christmas for you.
I am quite sure you can find friends to celebrate the holidays with, or volunteer to serve Christmas dinner at the Salvation Army or a homeless shelter. You will be amazed at how good it makes you feel and how appreciative the people in the shelters will be for a little of your time and company.
babyluxe123 − Spending Christmas alone sounds way more festive than listening to your family’s version of ‘The Roast of Your Life.’ You’re not ruining Christmas; you’re saving it!
doinotcare − Time to enjoy being you. Make some cool plans with someone who is fun to be with and just be you. NTA.
millerlite585 − NTA, it sounds like while they want the best for you in their own value system, they’re not being kind or constructive in the way they communicate that. Family that has criticism should still be accepting and constructive in how they deliver it. While it’s good to have disagreement to open your mind, the way they’re doing it is wrong.
Do you think the Redditor is justified in setting boundaries to protect their emotional well-being, even during the holidays? Or should they try to navigate the criticisms for the sake of family tradition? How do you handle family conflicts during festive gatherings? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below!