AITA for not wanting to pay back the Parent PLUS loan my dad took out for my college education?

A 26-year-old woman is facing pressure from her father to take out a private loan to repay a Parent PLUS loan he signed for her college education. After a falling out with her parents, where her mother’s narcissistic tendencies became apparent, she no longer feels obligated to repay the loan, especially since it was her father’s decision to take it out.

The burden of the loan would significantly impact her future, and she struggles with guilt over the situation. Read the original story below…

‘ AITA for not wanting to pay back the Parent PLUS loan my dad took out for my college education?’

Last year, I (26F) had a huge falling out with both of my parents (61F and 62M). To make a long story short, my mother has a lot of narcissistic tendencies and is just not a nice person to be around. I finally dredged up the courage to tell her how the way she has treated me made me feel, and she DID NOT LIKE that at all.

My dad and I always had a decent relationship, in the sense that he wasn’t actively tanking my self-esteem throughout my childhood, so he was good in my eyes.

We’ve had many conversations over the years about my mother’s behavior and treatment (she also treats him poorly), and he’s agreed with me in the past that the description of a n**cissist seems to fit her.

Fast forward to this argument between my mother and I, and he completely switches gears and takes her side. Instead of trying to understand my side of the story, he believes I should just “ignore it like he does” because she’s my mother.

A few months of no contact go by, and my father reaches out, asking if we can chat. I call him, and the only thing he has to say to me is that he wants me to take out a private loan of almost $100k so that I can give him that money to pay off the Parent PLUS loan he independently signed for my college education when I was 17. For those that don’t know, a Parent PLUS loan is a loan entirely signed by the parent, and the payment plan is based off the parent’s income.

When I was preparing for college at the ripe old age of 17, no one ever really explained how these loans worked and I certainly didn’t understand that it would be something I would be paying off $800/month for essentially the rest of my adult life.

lTo her credit, my mother told my father at the time to NOT sign for this loan (they didn’t for my other siblings). He made the decision to do it anyway. It is entirely in his name, and legally he is not allowed to transfer it to me.

Prior to this breakdown in our relationship, I had every intention of paying back this loan. My parents never really handed me anything for free, so I always just assumed that’s how it would work.

Now, however, I refuse to take out a PRIVATE loan for almost $100k (which they wouldn’t even approve most likely) so that he can get off scot free, especially not after how I’ve been treated. That would legitimately ruin my life, and it’s just starting. I would never be able to own a house, or have children.

I would be burdened by it forever. I also feel guilty because I know it was for my education, but I can’t help but feel like it’s not entirely fair to just d**p it all on me. He was 52 years old when he signed for that loan. Definitely old enough and experienced enough to understand the consequences.

I genuinely don’t know if I’m in the wrong here, or if they are. The guilt is eating me up, but at the same time, there is something in me that just refuses to give in to them.

Check out how the community responded:

naraic- −  NTA, A parent plus loan is the parent’s loan. Not the child’s loan. He want’s it off his name to punish you for standing up for yourself in the parental relationship. Keep standing up for yourself. That said know that your relationship with the parents is now over.

You won’t be in the will. They won’t leave you anything. Thats probably the case either way though.. Are you ok with that?

Serious-Mode-5869 −  NTA You were 17. You couldn’t legally take out a loan because you weren’t an adult. Your father made the decision to take out a PARENT PLUS LOAN that he and he alone was and is legally responsible for.

Also because he took out the loan without an agreement from you to pay it back you are not responsible for it. You said you would be willing to pay off the the $800 monthly payment but now because he’s mad at you he wants you to take out a new $100,000 loan so he’s no longer responsible for THE LOAN HE TOOK OUT.

That’s ridiculous. It may have been for your benefit but you didn’t have any say in taking the loan out. You might have made a completely different decision if it was up to you. So it’s his problem legally and morally. You have a narcissistic mother and a useless father who didn’t protect you from her. You owe them nothing.

rileyyesno −  NTA and so glad that I’m not American.

[Reddit User] −  so my narc father tricked me into paying mine off. as it was tied to his income and in his name i. could never combine it or defer it and it was way above what i could afford.

i struggled for years with that loan. he claimed it was “our” loan and screamed at mw when i was late that i was f**king up his credit, so i paid it first,  even before my rent, even when i was paying other bills with credit cards.. i say f**k him. nta. 

pukui7 −  At your age and income, i don’t think it will be easy to just get a $100,000 loan like this. In fact, I don’t think it will possible at all. Your best plan is to go out and prosper, putting that education to good use, which has to have been the original idea behind this all in the first place.

Right now, it may be a burden on your dad, but it’s a burden he knowingly took on as an adult.  For you to have to take it all on upon yourself now is unreasonable and to be honest seems quite punitive.. NTA

YoshiMob −  NTA any repayment caveat should have been agreed in the past. Sorry to ask but you say your dad is a good guy – why did he let your mum treat you so bad?

whorl- −  NTA. It’s his loan that he took out.

Active-Anteater1884 −  I think your reasoning is a little skewed. What you say above — about your not knowing about/not understanding the loan, about your father being a grown up and understanding the consequences of such a loan — is, IMHO, completely legitimate.

But if at any point since … now that you’re a grown up, now that you understand things … you agreed to pay for the loan, it’s not cool to say, “You’re stuck with the 100k debt because I don’t like the way you acted during a big fight I had with my mother.”

While agreeing with you about your mom’s behaviors, your father may in fact think it’s best to just ignore her. Or he may not have wanted to get into some huge fight with a woman he feels he has to spend the next 30 years with. Not sterling behavior, certainly … but also not a reason to stick someone with 100k in debt.

ZippyDoop −  NTA. Taking out a loan to repay them won’t heal anything, and won’t change anyone’s behavior. This sounds like a petty action.

moominsmama −  NTA. Like you said, it was his decision to sign up for it. He could’ve refused and you would probably end up in a different college. Parents should not be allowed to saddle a child with this kind of loan.

Your father is an enabler. Whatever your mother did to you – he could have stopped at any time he wanted, but he chose not to. I’m willing to bat this is actually coming from your mother, not him, he just goes along, as usual.

Should she feel obligated to repay her father’s loan, or is it unfair for him to expect that? Share your thoughts below!