AITA for not wanting to celebrate my mom on MY birthday?

A Reddit user (25F) shared her frustration about a longstanding family tradition where, on each of their birthdays, their mother expects gifts for herself, and the celebration becomes more about her than the birthday person. On her recent birthday, the user became upset after learning that her younger sister had been pressured to buy their mother a $300 necklace, despite already giving her a thoughtful gift.

After confronting her mother, the situation escalated, with the user being kicked out of the house, and now facing backlash from family members who side with her mother. The user is questioning whether she was wrong for speaking up and confronting her mom.

‘ AITA for not wanting to celebrate my mom on MY birthday?’

I have three siblings between the ages of 10 and 18. I’m the oldest fourth at 25. Every year on every single one of our birthday, we’re expected to celebrate my mom as well. We’ve done it since we were little. It was taught to me as ‘giving thanks for carrying + giving birth to us’.

Which I’m all for, I am grateful as we wouldn’t be here without her. The issue is though, it becomes less of our birthday and more-so an anniversary for the day our mom gave birth. Every year on our birthday our mom gets gifts too. As we got older, we’re now expected to get her monetary gifts (and not cards, or homemade stuff).

Just recently was my birthday and I was gifted some much needed clothes and dishware for my new apartment. My dad however got my mom a new macbook. My siblings all got her gifts too. My youngest brother isn’t expected to give much, but my 16 year old sister and 18 year old 2nd brother work so they’re expected to give gifts too.

My sister pulled me aside before my birthday and said she was sorry she couldn’t get me much (she got me a sweater, I love it!) and that she wanted to get me more but our mom was pressuring her to get a certain necklace for our mom.

Apparently my mom had been dropping hints for month and my sister was worried our mom would be upset and feel underappreciated if she didn’t get it. I asked how much it was, and my sister said it was $300. I honestly lost it on our mom and chewed into her later that afternoon when my mom opened her gifts after me.

I think she’s ridiculous for even wanting my sister to spend so much on a gift! Mom started crying and my dad kicked me out. Mom won’t answer calls but my aunt (mom’s sister) called and said I was a POS for not respecting my mother and that I’m a selfish, narcissist child for being jealous of the gifts mom got.

I thought I was in the right, but now I don’t know. It’s been over two weeks and mom won’t answer my calls. She’s been posting on facebook inspiration quotes about letting go of the toxicity in your life, how blood doesn’t equal family, and how hard it is to be a mother.

Several family members (aunt, grandma, uncle, and two of my cousins) are replying to the posts and are very obviously directing vague comments at me about being a horrible daughter… Idk what to think now because of how many people are on her side

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

[Reddit User] −  NTA. It was her choice to carry 4 children and give birth to them. Your mother sounds self-centered ans selfish. As far as toxicity in one’s life and how blood doesn’t equal family, I think you should apply that to your mother, not to you.

dinkelbeeeerg −  NTA however your mom though. Holy crapbucket. How the hell can you feel entitled to a 300$ gift from your kid(at 18). And expecting 5 birthdays a year. Your mom and your enabling family are messed up. I would have cut them off asap. Maybe leave an olive branch for your siblings if they wanna run at some point as well.

VividEfficiency7347 −  NTA so much! Your birthday and your mum got a new MacBook, a 300 necklace plus more? And she does this 4x a year plus Christmas, her own birthday and Mother’s Day. Also why is your dad ignored here? It’s shocking how awful she is guilting you all into spending loads on her so much each year

I-am-here-what-next −  NTA and I’ve never in my life heard of such a ridiculous thing as gifts for the mother or father for a kids birthday. That is some narcissistic nonsense. Shouldn’t your father get them too? On Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are they expected to give you guys gifts since you are the reason they are parents?

Maybe you should stop trying to contact them and distance yourself for a while without any contact with your parents (siblings clearly need your level head). Seriously, what a load of crap behavior.

downund3r −  NTA. Giving your mom gifts on *your* birthday isn’t a normal thing.

Glittercorn111 −  Pretty rich of your aunt to call you the narcissist when your mother has been taking advantage of you four to milk for more gifts and money. This is just like the parents who say their kids owe them for “x y z b**lshit”. NTA, and this is the weirdest thing I’ve ever heard of.

Elfich47 −  NTA – this the first time I’ve ever heard of “gifts for the mother” on the person’s birthday. So your mom gets four rounds of gifts, plus her birthday, that is pretty demanding. Start having birthday celebrations without them going forward.

Like going out with a bunch of friends instead. The fact your parents have continued it for you up to age 25 means your mom doesn’t want give give up he extra present day.

DisciplineCertain397 −  INFO How was this portrayed to the rest of the family? Did they just hear you yelled at your mom that she doesn’t deserve her gifts or did they hear that your 16y sister was expected to spend $300 for mom’s gift on your birthday? Is this normal in your extended family?

I don’t really care if your dad gives a gift but it seems messed up to have to give one to your mom on your sibblings birthday. Plus $300 as a teenager is fucked up. The only people I would spend that much on are my kids and then it isn’t a guarentee.

For her birthday, just give her a card and then give your grandma a nice present. Start asking your aunts/uncles what they bought for their parents on their sibblings birthdays.

One_Ad_4420 −  Wow that’s a lot to unpack. NTA. I’m a mom of two and their birthdays are a special day for them. Inform your mother that there is already a special day for mom appreciation. It is called mothers day and it is still not a valid reason to hit up your kids for super expensive gifts/cash.

DannyBigD −  NTA and your mom gets the Most Selfish Mother of the Year award.