AITA for not wanting another baby?

A mother of five (34F) discovers she’s unexpectedly pregnant again despite being on birth control. She’s feeling overwhelmed at the thought of raising another child and doesn’t believe she has the emotional or mental capacity to handle it. Her husband (38M) previously persuaded her to keep their unplanned twins, making her hesitant to share her feelings this time. Would she be wrong for deciding to terminate the pregnancy regardless of her husband’s wishes?

‘ AITA for not wanting another baby?’

I (34F) have been with my husband (38M) for almost 10 years. We have 5 kids together. I wanted to stop after number 3 but I didn’t want to get my tubes tied. One broken cond*m later, and I’m pregnant with our twin girls. I wanted to terminate or put them up for adoption but my husband talked me out of it. Don’t get me wrong, I love all my babies and can’t imagine life without them, but f**k. They’re all a lot of work.

My husband works days, I work nights and we’re both off on weekends. We split childcare and chores pretty evenly IMO. So I have absolutely no complaints about that. I’ve also been on the pill for 2 years (when the girls were born) so I truly do not know how this happened. I have only missed 2 pills but that was like, 8 or 9 months ago so I’m pretty positive that wasn’t it.

I realized something was weird 2 weeks ago. I don’t particularly care for Indian food. I know a lot of people do but I’ve only ever liked it when I’m pregnant. I’m super white and that is absolutely reflected in my diet. Plain, bland ass potatoes are my comfort food type of white. So when my husband said something about this curry based food he had for lunch that day, I realized it sounded good and immediately thought “S**t, not again.”

I didn’t say anything to my husband at the time. I just went to the d**g store and got a double pack home test. The first one was positive. I waited a few hours and took the other one, just in case the first was wrong. It wasn’t wrong. Yesterday I asked my mom if she could come hangout with the kids for a couple hours while I did a work thing, but it was actually an OB appointment. According to the ultrasound, I’m 8 weeks and 3 days.

I don’t want to keep it. It makes me feel horrible and I kind of hate myself for this realization. Money’s not an issue, we can easily afford another one. I just don’t know if I could handle it mentally or emotionally. I feel like it would be too much for me.

I’m nervous to talk to my husband about it because he talked me out of terminating the twins. I know I need to talk to my husband about this, I just really don’t want to. I’ve accepted that I’m probably TA, but would I be more of one if I terminate before telling him or doing it anyway, regardless of what my husband wants?

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

2Legit64 −  If you don’t want to have another baby, you shouldn’t have one. Period. That being said, it seems as if you’re VERY fertile which means that either you or your husband should probably take permanent measures to prevent having any more children. The real problem I see here is that you and your hubs aren’t on the same page when it comes to how many children you as a couple should have.

He sounds like a stand-up guy in that he helps equally with the house and children. The big difference is that he’s not the one having to be pregnant over and over again and that’s where you have the advantage. You need to talk to him and state emphatically that you’re done in the baby making department. You have five and you love them all, but that’s enough. Period. End of discussion.

This isn’t like you both discussed having kids before having any and then you changed your mind. You have more than kept your promise. If he truly loves and respects you, he’d listen to what you’re saying and understand your point of view, but don’t let him talk you into having another child if you truly do not want one. Good luck to you.

Orphen_1989 −  NTA. Well, I do have to say that is noticable that you have had birth control failing on you twice now (BCpills and the broken cond*m.) The pregnancy, well. Your body, your choice. Your husband might get mad if he wants another kid. But 4 pregnancies in 10 years already, with 1 being a twin pregnancy. Your body needs rest to recover as well.

Honestly you already know what the best choice is here, even if your husband might not agree. But I would look into why your birth control failed. Since you should take care that that can’t happen again. Have you been on antibiotics around the time of conception by any chance? (Alot of people don’t know this but birth control pills can fail when you are taking antibiotics.)

Anyway, I hate to say this, but is there any chance your husband is sabotaging your Birth control? I hope it’s not the case, it probably isn’t the case, but things like this do happen, so it’s worth considering.

Ok_Childhood_9774 −  NTA, and I can’t and wouldn’t tell you what to do, but if it were me, I would terminate without telling my husband. You know you’ll be guilted into keeping it if you do, and your body has been through enough. And you need to rethink your birth control or insist on a vasectomy for him. You’ve handled more than your share.

thisloveev −  NTA, is your body… after five kids your emotional and mental health matter. Discuss with your husband, but ultimately the decision is yours to make.

B-Profit8097 −  As from your comment: I’m little shocked that people don’t know antibiotics can affect the birth control. Do doctors or pharmacists don’t tell you that in your country? If I get antibiotics, I get asked if I’m on the pill. NTA. As you stated in your comments that your husband doesn’t want a vasectomy and said: my body my choice. You are pregnant and it’s your body, your choice.

hexagon_heist −  You do not need your husbands permission to get an a**rtion. You can tell him you miscarried if you want to tell him anything. And get your tubes tied, this is not sustainable for you.

Boota006 −  Your body, your decision. After five kids, prioritize your well-being. Consider permanent birth control options.

Middle-Firefighter52 −  It’s your body and finally your decision. 5 kids is already a lot. You have to talk to him but it’s not his decision. If you don’t feel you can handle it it would affect the children you already have. Why haven’t you gotten a more reliable birth control than pills already.

mountain_chicken_79 −  NTA. get in tne car and drive to planned parenthood. Don’t look back. He doesn’t need to know a thing. And get an iud or tubes tied.

Future_Cat_Lady24601 −  NTA. If you believe your husband will prevent you from getting the a**rtion you want go get the a**rtion BEFORE you talk to him. Your right to not be pregnant comes before his right to know. Also if that is the case you should seriously reconsider a relationship with a man who you know does not respect you or your bodily autonomy. If you don’t think he’ll prevent you from getting an a**rtion and tell him before you should tell him you’re getting an a**rtion as a fact. He has a right to know, but not to decide.