AITA for not wanting a closer relationship with my deadbeat father’s family or the children he had after me?

A Reddit user shares their story of rejecting any attempt to form a closer relationship with their deceased father’s family or the half-siblings he had after them.

Despite being treated poorly by their father and his side of the family, the user’s family is pressuring them to connect with the new children and be a “big brother” to them.

The user has repeatedly declined invitations and blocked family members but now feels conflicted after one of the father’s family members showed up at their door, making them feel guilty. Read the full story below to learn more about the emotional complexities of this situation.

‘ AITA for not wanting a closer relationship with my deadbeat father’s family or the children he had after me?’

My deadbeat father died 11 months ago. I (18M) only met him one time in my life. I was 8 and he showed up at our house yelling and cussing at my mom and calling her all kinds of demeaning names because she continued going after him for child support.

When he saw me he told me he wished he’d forced mom to abort me and he was tired of paying for his mistake. Of course this wasn’t a great first and only meeting but it left a lasting impression on me. Should I also mention he stayed with my mom throughout the whole pregnancy and only left her once she went into labor with me?

Or how about the fact he admitted that day that he stayed because the s** was good and he wanted to make the most of pregnancy s** Yeah, that’s not the kind of stuff you want to hear from the guy who created you.

My father’s family were not all that present in my life growing up. There were some moments when they’d show up and it was essentially to make themselves look like involved family members who didn’t turn their backs on me because their son/brother didn’t want to know.

But that was very infrequent. Even “cousins” would ignore me or pretend not to know who I was most of the time. I accepted this. For a while as a young kid it stung but that’s life sometimes and we don’t always get a good deal out of biological people.

So this wonderful guy is dead now. Got notified by his older sister and his father in the days after. Apparently he had gotten married to someone and had two (or maybe three) kids with her. I’m not sure on the number of kids. All I know is they’re under 6 years old per my deadbeats mother.

I don’t know what happened to their mother but now my “grandparents” have custody of their grandchildren and they’re now making more of an effort to be in contact with me and they wanted me to improve my relationship with “my family” and meet the kids and form a sibling relationship with them.

They have invited me to two birthday parties, a family bbq, seven family dinners and a bunch of other things since his d**th. I have said no to all of them and I made it clear that I was not interested in a closer relationship or meeting this guys kids.

I ended up blocking them and I figured this would be the end. It was for a while. Then in September I got a text from a random number and pieced together that it was from one of his parents and it was inviting me to celebrate the birthday of one of the kids.

I ignored it but got another text and said no and blocked that number. A lot of random numbers started texting so I changed my number. And then the oldest brother of my deadbeat showed up at mine and mom’s house and told me I owed it to the kids to get over myself and be the big brother that could turn their life around.

He said they know about me and it will hurt them now if I refuse to form a relationship and it’s hurting the whole family that I’m rejecting them. Mom made him leave but I guess what he said has bothered me, on multiple levels.. AITA?

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Not-a-Cranky-Panda −  So nothing for 18 years but when they need help/money it’s all great to see you? As it’s tsaken them 8 years, why don’t you take the next 18 to make your mind up, it’s only fair.

Impossible-Aspect342 −  Nta. Your dad’s family is probably expecting you to adopt them when the grandparents get too old. You owe them nothing.

wlfwrtr −  NTA Just ask, “Why did none of you want a relationship with me when I was that age? It didn’t matter to you that I didn’t have family around, why does it matter that they do?” Seems the guardians are all older and are trying to get you involved with the kids so hopefully you’ll get attached and take over their care.

No_Cockroach4248 −  Stay clear of your sperm donor’s family. “I owed it to the kids …be the big brother that could turn their lives around”. Translation, deadbeat left no money, bio mom abandoned the kids, grandparents are too old to take care of 2 or 3 under 6 kids,

the rest of the family are not happy to help care for nor contribute to the upkeep of the kids….but the 18 year old older half brother, who none of them have contact with can take care of the kids and work to pay their bills, (allowing grandparents to claim social security as they have custody).

NTA, if your paternal side of the family had considered the best interest of the kids, letting them go into foster care could have been the best option as they are young and still have a chance for adoption. Don’t let what he said bother you, that was pure manipulation;

without a consideration of what is in your best interest or the best interest of the young kids. You are still financially dependent on your mom and should be considering your future

pinkpastrylove −  NTA you’re not obligated to form relationships with people who neglected or harmed you, even if they claim it’s for the sake of others.

FeedsBlackBats −  Grandparents want a babysitter. They’re also probably hoping you’ll be able to take the kids off their hands on a more permanent basis if they get you to create a bond with them.

They didn’t bother with you until they needed something from you. Keep saying no & keep blocking them, you owe them exactly what they gave you, nothing.

Cat1832 −  NTA, you owe them absolutely nothing. If the adults get the kids’ hopes up, subsequent broken hearts are on them. You’ve made your boundaries clear.

Openthebombbaydoors −  NTA. Save and document the harassment from them and make it known that you will file charges if it doesn’t stop.

ghostoftommyknocker −  And then the oldest brother of my deadbeat showed up at mine and mom’s house and told me I owed it to the kids to get over myself and be the big brother that could turn their life around. Their dad is dead. Their bio-mum is whatever.

The grandparents are too old, and the rest of the family want nothing to do with the kids. They are harassing you because they want to d**p the kids on you. As soon as they do that, they will be gone from your life, this time abandoning multiple kids, not just you.

You and your mum will be left high and dry with probably traumatised kids who are complete strangers to you. This is the point where you start documenting the harassment and reporting them to the police.

These people are strangers to you. You’ve blocked them, changed your number, and done everything short of moving house to escape them, and they still won’t stop. On that subject, do you know how they got your new number?

80_47 −  For your sanity, stay away.. NTA

Do you think the user is justified in rejecting their father’s family and the new children, given the history with their father, or do you believe they should try to form a relationship with them for the sake of family? How would you handle this situation? Share your thoughts below!