AITA for not tellling my brother that his stb ex wife will visit me with their son?

A Redditor is questioning whether they were wrong for not informing their brother that his soon-to-be ex-wife (stb ex-wife) and their son were visiting them. After the brother stopped seeing his 4-year-old son without explanation for over three months, the sibling agreed to host the mother and child during a visit.

When the brother unexpectedly saw his ex’s car in town and followed her to the house, he expressed hurt that he wasn’t informed of the visit, only to be told that he should take more responsibility for his relationship with his son. Now, the Redditor wonders if they were in the wrong for not reaching out. Read the full story below to explore this family conflict.

‘ AITA for not tellling my brother that his stb ex wife will visit me with their son?’

My brother and his stb ex wife split at the beginning of this year after almost 4 years of marrage. Both were at fault. My brother did take his son during weekends until october and then stopped for no reason.

As my sil and nephew do live further away we don’t see them often. So when my brother stopped picking up his now 4 year old we didn’t see them at all. During my nephews birthday last month we agreed with my sil, that she’ll come around with her son. It took a while and we did meet up today.

My brother saw my sils car in our town and figured she’ll might come visit me an started texting her and me and even followed her to my place. He did come in and stayed for about 20 minutes before leaving without a goodbye but told our mum, who came to see her grandson, that he’s hurt he wasn’t told.

Here where I might have been TA cuz my brother asked why I didn’t tell him cuz he would like to see his son, too I responed that he should take action himself, which he hadn’t done for the past 13 weeks.

For clarification: His stb ex wife doesn’t prevent visitis or pickups. She just wants to know a head of time but he has the habit for just showing up unannounced.

For context: my brother is 6 years older than me and we never got along. He visits me just if he needs something from me but our sister and our mother he does vistit regularly. So AITA for not telling my brother his son will visit me?

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

aricyl −  NTA. If he isn’t willing to be consistent for his son? It is no wonder he wasn’t told. Children need consistency… He needs to sort things out and actually be there consistently for his son to begin to repair the damage he’s already done. This isn’t your fault and the mother knows this – that’s exactly why your nephew is still seeing you all but not him.

Bunny_Bixler99 −  “Bro: if you were actually involved in your son’s life, you’d know well in advance if relatives and friends are planning to see him.”. NTA 

KBD_in_PDX −  NTA he’s hurt that there’s nobody doing HIS JOB of facilitating visits with his child, and he wants to freeload off of the emotional labor you’re doing to keep in touch and coordinate visits with your nephew. That’s literally what this is.

Men often rely on women for ‘kinkeeping’ duties, and that’s what he wants here. He’s all peachy if he gets to see his son and benefit from being an “engaged father” without doing any of the work to actually engage.

StAlvis −  NTA. he’s hurt he wasn’t told. Yeah. Well.

1962Michael −  NTA. Your brother needs to grow up and abide by the parenting agreement. You want to see your nephew. SIL doesn’t want to be subjected to your brother’s whims.

Lann42016 −  NTA it’s not your fault he’s a dead beat l**er.

SavingsRhubarb8746 −  NTA. He had plenty of opportunities to see his son, and didn’t take them. He doesn’t get to demand that he piggy-back his visits on yours.

Florarochafragoso −  Nta. You and your parents should continue to make the effort to be in your nephews life but you are not responsible for your brothers relationship with his son a he needs to stop being a deadbeat and talk to his kid.

wlfwrtr −  NTA If brother bothered visiting you or his son he probably would’ve been told they were coming to town. You’re not responsible for his irresponsibility.

Individual_Metal_983 −  NTA he is responsible for maintaining the relationship with his child. As he is so disengaged, please do keep trying to be in your nephew’s life.

Do you think the Redditor was right to leave the responsibility of maintaining the father-son relationship with their brother, or should they have informed him out of courtesy? How would you handle family dynamics when a relative isn’t stepping up to their responsibilities? Share your thoughts below!