AITA for not telling people my missing cousin is staying with me right away?

One Reddit user shared a story about their cousin, Jake, who ran away after being outed right before his 18th birthday. His parents planned to send him to a conversion camp, but Jake escaped and turned up at the Redditor’s house.

While Jake felt unsafe and wanted to keep his whereabouts a secret, the Redditor respected his wishes and didn’t tell the family right away. After eventually informing them, the family was upset about the delay. The user asks if they were wrong for not revealing Jake’s location sooner, despite the dangers Jake faced. Read the original story below to learn more.

‘ AITA for not telling people my missing cousin is staying with me right away?’

It is the middle of the night, and my phone won’t stop ringing because of my family. To try and keep this short, my cousin “Jake” got outed about 4 or five days before his 18th birthday in the summer. His parents, my aunt and uncle, made arrangements for him to be sent to one of those awful camps that claim they could “cure” him.

A kid in his community was forced to go and came back and was clearly not well, so Jake didn’t want to go. Jake ran away from home, and jumped from one family house to another. His folks didn’t file a missing person report because they didn’t want to look bad to their neighbors. They just told them that he went to that camp willingly.

He dissapeared in the middle of october, and turned up in my city a week later. After making sure he was safe to bring home, my wife and I allowed him to stay. He didn’t want me to tell the rest of the family for a while, because those people at the camp keep showing up to take him.

I made sure to talk to a lawyer, who assured Jake that they cannot take him. Three days ago, he told his parents he was here. A few hours later, those damn camp people showed up, but they were unable to take him.

My family has been blowing up my phone for the last two days angry that I didn’t tell someone sooner. Well, jake didn’t feel safe yet, and still doesn’t. I wanted to make sure he was ready. Still, even those that want to protect Jake is upset with me for hiding him. AITA for not telling anyone that he is here until he was ready?

EDIT: Wow, thank you all for the awards. I don’t deserve them but thanks. Since I am drinking coffee and slowly going through the comments I thought I should say a few things. First off, while I figured I wasn’t the AH for hiding him from my more narrow minded family, it was those that really wanted to help jake that made me feel guilty.

They were all scared out of their minds and wanted the peace to know he was ok. I felt bad for not telling them. Though i am sure they wouldn’t had turned him in, I felt bad because we were working on keeping him safe. Also, we got a lawyer who got the police on the look out for those camp people in case they try anything. Jake is not going out alone until we are sure he is safe.

Third, we are looking on how to get his paper work, like his birth certificate, here because no way he trusts his parents to just hand them over. My granny in law is talking to some people that could help. Fourth, Jake says hello and thank you. Oh and we’re Catholic, not Christian. We’re our own special type of jacka$$es.

EDIT Once again: ok you’re right about the Catholic/Christian thing. I was raised to split hairs, I apologize.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

SlicedNugget −  NTA. But weird that you think you’d be an a**hole for protecting him from those fucked up conversion camps. Keep protecting him. Stick to it man. Make sure he knows he has a safe place to stay with you.

cyfermax −  NTA. F**k those people. F**k homophobes that think being gay is something that needs to be cured in the first place. F**k people that think parents have any right to do that to their kids.. Good on you for protecting him.

[Reddit User] −  You need to call the police since the camp people are trying to kidnap him. They know he doesn’t want to go but keep showing up. He needs a restraining order on these people. This is very sinister.

If the camp people show up again, call the police. Take pictures, document everything. Ask Jake to write down every time they’ve come to get him and if there’s other witnesses. You’re NTA, in fact you’re a saint to protect Jake from his clearly dangerous family and even took him to a lawyer.

Jake didn’t and doesn’t feel safe because he clearly isn’t. There’s a cultish organisation following him and trying to kidnap him. Jake clearly can’t trust the rest of the family, so please keep supporting him until he gets on his feet.

Edit: Thank you for the gold! It’s my first one ever <3

Edit 2: Thanks everyone for all the awards 🙂 Wasn’t expecting it at all.

NannyBismo −  NTA, if those camp people show back up tell them they’ll be charged with trespassing if you ever see their asses on your property again.

NomadicusRex −  NTA He is a legal adult (although as someone who remembers being 18, that’s far from mature LOL). It’s good that you provide him the emotional support he needs, and he’ll probably need a good therapist or support group to help him work through the treatment he’s getting from the rest of the family. Poor kid.

idkmybffdee −  NOT THE A**HOLE, NTA – Dear lord his parents are terrible people and they will be in my prayers, I hope they find love through christ eventually, instead of just using him to reenforce their bigotry, but usually at that point they’re too far gone, and they’re gonna burn for their prejudice… But I digress

If he didn’t want you to, you could have NEVER EVER told his parents for the rest of his life and you would never have been the a**hole, jesus christ crying in a bucket, I’m sorry you’re in the middle of this but protecting him is 100% the right thing to do and I applaud your for it.

Those camps literally are psychological and physical abuse rolled up in a nice little religious package and I can’t believe anyone would tell you your the a**hole for not letting a whole ass adult be sent to a brain washing facility, he’s 18 so he needs to leave a note with you that if he does end up there he went unwillingly and was in fact kidnaped please go get him, just in f**king case – in a million years I don’t think you ever could be the ass hole

I’m gonna sound like an internet creeper but if he runs out of safe places and keeps being harassed my husband(27m) and my (31m) home in Kansas is always open to protect those in need (and not to sound like trash but I have and will again if need be, straight up trailer park fight people in my front yard over this s**t) Sorry, but conversion therapy is a hot button issue for me

ETA – I appreciate the upvotes comments and awards, I’m new ish to using reddit actively. But, these people, these KIDS are literally In danger, if there’s anything I can do to help, there’s not a way I can say no and still claim to be a Catholic, I need to be the light I want to see in the world, by showing christ like attributes, religion should never hold people down, it should lift us all up

sra19 −  NTA – you were protecting your cousin. It’s very sad that it’s his family you had to protect him from. It’s incomprehensible to me that anyone could try to put someone they are supposed to love through conversion therapy. I don’t even think it’s legal in some states.

phantom_67 −  My gosh NTA. Conversion camps should be illegal. You are doing the right thing OP, don’t worry. Kinda glad here in Australia that they are in the process of naming them illegal or already have.

Laramila −  He’s 18. They are not entitled to know where he is. Also, they want to send him to “””””camp””””” to be tortured, so again, they are not entitled to know where he is.. NTA. They can go pound sand.

PineapplePowerLifter −  NTA. Bless you for saving this boy. Personally, I’d give up my whole family in a heartbeat to prevent the trauma they were about to inflict upon him (even though what he ended up experiencing is still awful)

F**k them to hell. You focus on being a good cousin and helping him through the loss and estrangement he’s experiencing. Finding a job or education is the next best step for him. Best of luck to you both.

Do you think the Redditor made the right call in waiting until Jake felt ready to reveal his location, or should they have informed the family earlier for peace of mind? How would you handle a similar situation if you were in their shoes? Share your thoughts below!