AITA for not telling my wife that I am dying?

A 31-year-old man recently learned that his chronic medical condition will likely take his life in about a year. Instead of sharing the news with his wife of four years, he’s contemplating using his savings to fulfill their dream of living abroad in Australia for a few months, creating cherished memories before revealing his prognosis.

He fears that telling her now will overshadow the remaining time they have together with grief and sadness. He’s now questioning whether delaying this conversation makes him an AH.

‘ AITA for not telling my wife that I am dying?’

Male, 31 here. For the past 15 years, I’ve been dealing with a medical condition that requires constant medication and consistent doctor’s visits. I had always been projected to live until 50-60ish, however, a recent complication has cut that down to 12 months, 16 at best.

In about 10 months, my condition should start getting a lot worse. After 12 months, I’ll essentially be living in the hospital. I am married of 4 years (no kids). I haven’t had the heart to tell my wife the news. I don’t even know how. We always knew I’d die younger than I wanted to, but we never expected it to be this soon.

As much as I know I should tell my wife, I don’t want my last year to be plagued with an impending doom. My wife and I have always talked about living abroad somewhere, maybe Australia, but we’ve never found the time or money to do so. I’ve been saving up to go to graduate school, however, I don’t see much point in that now.

So here’s my idea: take some of that money, and take my wife to Australia for a few months, and enjoy the time together. I have a job I can work remotely from anywhere, and she has a job that she can easily find work anywhere. We can work part-time, and enjoy our time together.

When we get back, or maybe towards the end of it, I will break the news to her. I just wouldn’t want the trip to be ruined for us by constant reminders of me dying. I know my wife, and she’s very emotional – to the point where I feel like she will be crying everyday and not enjoying herself.

I want this memory to be a good one for her, and not plagued by my time ticking down. AITA for putting off telling her I am dying?

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

shotsunlimited −  Oh my, as a wife, I would be so livid if my husband knew he was dying and didnt tell me. Of course, I would be devastated, too. That’s so much emotion to feel all at once. I would want to know and I think any spouse would want to know, too!

Infinite_Noodle −  your intentions are good, but imo you should tell her. she should have the information to make the decision about your last year together. hiding something from her or lieing to her wont help her memory of you. but I wouldnt say you’re an asshile if you dont.

They-Call-Me-Taylor −  YTA. Sorry, but you really should tell her. Travel and enjoy the time you have left together. It sounds like you have a life insurance policy that will take care of her for a while and pay for the travel expenses. She should really know though so she can savor every moment you have.

I think that knowledge, while heartbreaking, will make every moment and activity you two spend together much more meaningful and memorable. What I mean by that is if I was spending what I knew to be my last few months with my wife, I would pause and take note of each moment as best I could to make sure I remember the details.

Life and travel has a way of making the things you do a see just fly by unnoticed. Knowing how special and significant this trip is will allow her to store the memories in a special place.

FatchRacall −  NAH. It’s coming from a good place. But tell her. That way you two can pack as much living as you can into what time you have left.

jazmynejayy −  Also if you have an iPhone please write down your Apple ID and password. To even be able to back up things from your device such as pictures she will need this information.

DeltaVeridian −  NTA. I wouldn’t tell anyone I was dying either. Most people (including your family) don’t actually care.

thotivities −  NAH, but I think you should tell her. Your wife thinks she has a good 20 years left with you to make memories and to have you by her side, but in reality she’s unaware she only has 1. If you tell her when you don’t have much time left she will get this bomb dropped on her, and then shortly after have to bear the burden of losing her spouse.

I completely understand your POV, but please tell her so she is able to prepare herself and make the most of her time with you instead of being o**rwhelmed with grief and panic in the later part of your life. And I’m sorry you’re going through this at such a young age. I hope you’re doing okay

[Reddit User] −  Not an a**hole but u gotta tell her dude

humforyourbuzz −  YTA – and I’m sorry and sad to read your story. Regardless, those we love deserve our best and that is conditional based on situation. In your situation you know what’s coming and your partner is beyond deserving of this knowledge.

Protecting them from devastation while you’re still able bodied and telling them late in the game is heart wrenching and devastating. The trip is sweet but only provides closure for you.