AITA for not telling my roommate about my large salary, when I’m aware he’s been struggling to pay rent?
A Redditor (28F) lives with three roommates and has been splitting rent equally with them for six years. After finishing her residency and becoming a licensed emergency physician, she started earning significantly more than her roommates but continued to pay her fair share of the rent and utilities, without disclosing her salary.
One day, after a roommate (27M) was in a car crash and discovered her salary, he confronted her for not helping him with his rent struggles, and soon the other roommates joined in, accusing her of “hoarding” her money.
The Redditor feels conflicted about whether she was wrong for not offering help sooner, as she has her own financial burdens (student loans) and enjoys the living situation. Now, her roommates are giving her the cold shoulder, and she’s unsure if she’s in the wrong. Read the full story below to understand all the details of this situation!
‘ AITA for not telling my roommate about my large salary, when I’m aware he’s been struggling to pay rent?’
I (28f) live in a 2-bedroom apartment with three roommates. It’s small and we step on each other’s toes sometimes, but it works for us because we were all in graduate programs when we met and needed something cheap. For the last six years, we’ve all split rent evenly, and I’ve been fine with that.
Even when they all got jobs and I was still a resident, I didn’t once ask to adjust the rent. Now, to be honest, I’m a very quiet and non-confrontational person and residency kept me on weird hours so I didn’t speak to them a lot and they didn’t even realize that I’d finished my program when I did.
I also live on the second floor of our apartment in a space off the attic storage that was meant to be an office, so I keep to myself and go about my business. Once I became a licensed emergency physician, I was able to find a job in our city relatively quickly and started working about four months out of residency.
I’d already worked as an EMT for years around this hospital, even in college when I was getting clinical hours for med school, so I knew the ED well and it wasn’t hard for me to get a job there.
I still had loans from med school to pay off so I saw no problem with hanging around and paying my same share of the rent, utilities, and groceries that I’d paid for six years until I built up savings, even though I was making more than my other three roommates combined.
I’m not in a relationship, don’t want kids now, and I liked my little living arrangements while I got some savings behind me. I was fine until crap hit the fan yesterday, and by some insane stroke of bad luck, one of my roommates A, (27m) was in a car crash and was transported to the hospital by ambulance when I was on shift.
He was fine, just a bit of whiplash and a stitched-up cut from broken glass, but while he was in the ED he saw me and realized I wasn’t a resident anymore. Even though he couldn’t pin down my exact salary, a quick Google search could tell him that in our city I was making at least double what my roommates were.
He was pissed and he told my other two roommates while I was still at work, so when I came home, they were all waiting for me. He confronted me and asked me what I was making, and I told them the truth.
They all lost their minds at me because I knew that A had been struggling to make his share of the rent every month, whereas I was “hoarding my money”. I listened to what they had to say but said that I still had loans to pay off and I was going to bed.
I was tired after a long shift, and I’m aware that I was probably really blunt and cold because when I’m getting yelled at, part of my job description is just to take it with a calm face.
This morning, they’ve all been giving me the cold shoulder, and though they haven’t talked about it yet, I can feel it coming. I don’t know how to address this because I really liked our living arrangements and don’t want it to change, but I can’t help feeling like I’m the AH for not helping A out more. So, AITA?
Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:
throw05282021 − Clearly, you are NTA. You didn’t ask for help when you were still a resident and they were making more. None of them offered to cover part of your rent. You don’t owe your roommate any money.
You shouldn’t be expected to subsidize the lifestyle of anyone you are neither related to nor in a romantic relationship with. That said, now that your roommates know you make a lot more than they do, things will never go back to being the way that they used to be.
That season of your life is over. And you need to decide how you prefer to deal with the new reality. My suggestion, if your roommates seriously expect you to pay more rent than they do, is to move out as soon as you can, because their requests will get increasingly more unreasonable until you do leave.
“You make more than all of us put together, you should pay half the rent.” “You’ve been paying half the rent, but you still have more money left over than we do. You should pay all the rent from now on, and all of the utilities, too.” Seriously, do not expect them to be reasonable.
Anyone who thinks you should pay part of your roommate’s share of the rent but who never offered to do that themselves is an AH. They want to spend your paychecks but not their own. They are not arguing in good faith when they try to spend your paychecks without being willing to spend their own in the same way.
Leahthevagabond − NTA – your income has nothing to do with your split of the house. You SHOULD be splitting it evenly between the roommates. They have no right to your income in anyway. If one of them is struggling, that’s on them. They are roommates, not partners. If they throw a big stink, look for your own place.
moncyka − Maybe it’s time to move out, they will be very happy when they find out they can pay your rent now. Definitly NTA
NixKlappt-Reddit − NTA. You are roommates and not a married couple. They should be happy that you always pay your part of the rent instead of worrying about it too. Maybe it’s time to look for some new roommates.
Individual-Foxlike − NTA. There is nothing in a tenant agreement that says you have to update them when you get a new job. You were pulling your weight and did nothing wrong. It’s pretty s**tty and entitled for them to say you’re “hoarding” money when it’s. Literally your money.
forgetregret1day − Wait, what? These very dim people (no offense, but did they think you’d be a resident for 20 years) find out you make the money you deserve, they all of a sudden decide your money is theirs too even though nothing about your living arrangements has changed? This makes zero sense.
It never ceases to amaze me how some people feel entitled to a friend or roommate’s hard earned money. You’re not your roommate’s mommy or daddy and your salary and savings are irrelevant.
If they wanted the rewards of med school, internships and the grueling work of residency and training to become an ER doc, they were welcome to do so but thinking they’re entitled to your money is just outrageous.
I know you like where you live but if it comes down to being treated with hostility and greed, protect your sanity and find a new place. seriously shaking my head at people. NTA.
Mickleblade − Do they even know how big a med student’s loan is? Your money is none of their f**king business
Worth-Bed-8289 − How much is their share of your student loans?
Otherwise_Degree_729 − NTA. It none of their businesses you should have never told them your salary. You are not family, you’re roommates, it’s not your responsibility to pay their rent.
You should start looking for a new place to stay. Never tell people how much you make, it’s not their business and they won’t be happy for you most likely will try to take advantage of you.
dr_lucia − I can feel it coming. Feel what coming? Are they going to evict you? There are four roommates. You should be splitting rent four ways. This isn’t a religious commune. NTA
Do you think the Redditor should have been more transparent with her roommates about her salary and helped her struggling roommate, or was she justified in keeping her finances private? How would you handle this situation if you were in her shoes? Share your thoughts below!