AITA for not telling my friends parents she died?

A Reddit user recounts the heartbreaking story of their childhood best friend, Luna, who faced rejection from her strict Christian parents after coming out as bisexual. When Luna passed away unexpectedly, the user supported her through a small funeral attended by close friends and family, but did not inform her parents, who had cut ties with her years earlier.

Recently, Luna’s parents reached out, expressing their regret and desire to reconnect, only to learn of her death from the user. This revelation led to their anger and despair, leaving the user questioning whether they were in the wrong for withholding the news. To delve deeper into this emotional situation, read the original story below.

‘ AITA for not telling my friends parents she died?’

I (22m) had a childhood best friend Luna (23f),we were very close and she lived across from me and we even went to the same school,I loved her so much and she was honestly there for me in times where no one was and she was the sister I never had.

Luna was raised in a strict Christian household and her parents are very religious,Luna came out to them as bisexual when she was 17 and they kicked her out and told her to never come back,luna lived with my family and I for a year and when she became 18 she started working her ass off with various jobs.

I was there for her and I know what she felt and how alone and betrayed she felt by her family and I still get mad when I remember how she exhausted she looked at that time,she used to live in a tiny studio apartment and did her best, she sadly couldn’t afford going to college so she had no other choice than working as a stripper and a McDonald’s cashier.

2 months ago I had received the devastating news that luna had died from reasons I am not comfortable sharing,I was and still am very sad and I feel like a part of me is gone,her funeral was paid by me and our friend group and it was a small funeral and small attendance (her friends and their parents plus mine),no one reached out to her parents, because they hadn’t contacted her or asked about her since the day they kicked her out.

Last week her parents called me and asked me about Luna, I asked them why they were asking about her suddenly, they told me they had been thinking about her for the past three months and missed their daughter dearly,they told me they learned alot about the lgbtq community and were hoping to apologize and reconcile with her but couldn’t find her number,

that’s when I told them she had died,they didn’t believe me at first and then that turned into anger, they yelled at me and told me how s**fish it was for no one to tell them their own daughter had died and if i had bothered to tell them they wouldve been there at her funeral and helped with the preparations and maybe they even could’ve prevented her d**th.

I heared that her dad went into a depressive episode after that and her mom is on the verge of a mental breakdown,and I know that they kicked her out but a part of me still feels like it was wrong of me to not tell them about her passing, she was still their daughter and maybe I owed them that, Idk, I want unbiased pov, AITA for not telling them? Or was that the consequences of their actions?

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

HeirOfRavenclaw −  NTA. Not your place to be in contact with them. They had years to reach out and by the time they did it was too late.
Sorry for your loss, but this is not on you.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. Seems like they found out about consequences.

LuigiFux −  NTA – not even a little bit. They called after she died and then said had you contacted them sooner they might have prevented her d**th? These people are absolute assholes and deserve ever bit of guilt and grief they feel.

Captain_Blackbird −  NTA. I cannot imagine being a parent, and disowning my daughter because of her sexuality. They were *never* good people to begin with, and are only attacking you because you are the only target they can ‘justify’, because otherwise, they would have to reflect on their thoughts and actions – and no one likes looking in a mirror, when they are u**y. I have an eight year old girl. I would willingly sacrifice this entire planet, if it meant to keep her safe. Those ‘people’ f**king *disgust* me.

baka-tari −  Luna’s parents were owed what they earned. By kicking her out and never initiating contact, they earned the right to have no contact with Luna. You happened to get the call so you’re an easy target for them to deflect their responsibility, but literally nobody told Luna’s parents about her d**th – **nobody**.

Everybody who was actually there for her in life was there for her in d**th. Her parents don’t get to make up for years of s**tty behavior by swooping in at her funeral and putting on a show. NTA. They will forever live with the knowledge that their daughter died knowing they hated who she was, but they didn’t get a chance to fix that because they didn’t make the effort to fix it. None of that is your fault for not telling them she had died.

Dragon2439 −  NTA. They are the ones that closed that relationship and line of communication. They are the ones that made that horrible decision. This is entirely the consequences of their actions.

CaliforniaJade −  I imagine the shock of finding out their daughter had died triggered a “shoot the messenger” reaction. They couldn’t possibly take responsibility themselves. (/s). I’m sorry you lost your childhood friend. Sure, you might have told them, but are you TA because you didn’t? I don’t think so.

It’s one of those situations where they made their wishes known, kicked their own child out into the world due to their own bigoted opinions. Let her suffer for what, 5 years before they reached out? This is sadly something they are going to have to learn to live with.. NTA

Odd-End-1405 −  NTA. They were not listed as next of kin, anywhere, or they would have been notified. They lost the right to be notified by her friends when they abandoned her as a child. They were no longer her parents. She had obviously moved on and you nor her true friends owed them anything. They can live with their guilt as they ARE guilty.

victoriaramonah −  NTA
They kicked her out of the house for her sexuality. Not your responsibility to inform them, either. What horrible parents.

Mammoth_Piglet_3063 −  NTA. If you had told them before the funeral, it is possible that they would have taken over and turned it into something she would find disrespectful to her. Your only obligation was to your friend, and you went above and beyond for her.

Do you think the user was justified in not informing Luna’s parents about her passing, given their history of rejection, or do you believe they should have reached out regardless? How would you navigate such a complex situation involving family dynamics and personal grief? Share your thoughts below!