AITA for not telling my father in law that my dad was getting our daughter a suitcase?

A Redditor faced unexpected tension with their father-in-law over a seemingly simple issue: a suitcase for their 4-year-old daughter. Without knowing their in-laws’ plans, the Redditor’s father bought the daughter a suitcase she loved. When the daughter excitedly shared it on a family video call, the in-laws expressed disappointment, saying they had also planned to buy her a suitcase but would no longer do so. The situation has left the Redditor wondering if they should have communicated better. Read the full story below for the details.

‘ AITA for not telling my father in law that my dad was getting our daughter a suitcase?’

I (29M) and my wife (29F) are about to go on a roadtrip to go and see my grandparents. Our daughter is 4 and didnt have her own suitcase. So back in August, she found this Minnie Mouse suitcase that she really liked. My dad (her grandpa) said he would get her one for our road trip.

He finally ordered it just a couple of days ago and she absolutely loves it. Daughter was facetiming my in-laws the other night and wanted to show them her new suitcase. Then a couple of hours later. Father in law texts my wife and says:

“We are very sad that you do not us or tell other grandpa that we was getting Daughter an suit case for her trip. We are not giving her the suit case as she does not need 2. We are sad about the outcome.”

No one told us they were actually getting her a suitcase. I did not know my dad actually ordered it until just a couple of days ago. And my in-laws never told us that they were getting her a suitcase either.. So.. AITA?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Lyzab77 −  NTA. Just answer him that he never communicated with you about it. Your father bought it and sent you it : she asked for this one in august, they had plenty of time to buy it and bring it to you ! Could it be just an excuse to pretend they did something but in reality they are just ashame because they didn’t think about buying the suitcase ? And she can have two suitcases if they are not too big : one for her toys and one for her clothes. If they really buy one…

BeMandalorTomad −  … what?!?. HUGE NTA. Your in-laws expected you to just intuitively know that they planned to get her a piece of luggage, and are now guilting you for not letting them know she no longer needed it?!? Will they expect an itemised list of every gift she will receive for birthdays and holidays here on out so they know what not to get her?? This is absurd to me. They’re sulking and being AH’s about it.

magiemaddi −  “like her other grandpa, you didn’t inform me you bought the suitcase either. Am I supposed to read my dad’s mind? Am I supposed to read your mind? Should I expect both of you to inform me of all purchases related to my child from now on? Because that’s an unnecessary hassle for all involved. I’m sorry you feel personally victimized but your feelings haven’t been intentionally hurt.”. NTA.

Allaboutbird −  NTA. If they never mentioned they were getting her a suitcase,  why would you have brought it up to them? They should have used some common sense and checked in with you about the gift they planned to get.

dryadduinath −  NTA. Sometimes gifts get doubled up, that is why we keep receipts and also why we let people know if we’re worried about it. Just picture a world where you’re filling in every person in the family about what everyone else is thinking about getting for your kid. For every occasion.

It sounds exhausting. This is nothing to be sad about, this was nothing for you to pass on, fil is being very dramatic about something anyone else would have quietly handled on their own, ie; exchange the gift for something else or just give the gift as intended and let the recipient decide whether to exchange it or not.

General_Relative2838 −  Info: you wrote “No one told us they were actually getting her a suitcase.” Did they express interest in getting her one? If you knew they were thinking about it, you should have told them. If not, then, how could you have known?

CoverCharacter8179 −  Obvious NTA, not sure why you’re asking. They didn’t tell you, so there’s no way you could have passed on info you did not possess. End of story.

ChloeeBreeze −  I get why ur FIL might be disappointed but it’s not really not on u to keep track of both sets of grandparents gifts .. ur dad got the suitcase as a surprise and u didn’t know ur in laws were planning one .. it’s a bit petty that they’re upset about something so small .. if they were really planning on getting her one they should’ve mentioned it earlier .. u didn’t do anything wrong here.

trewesterre −  NTA – this is why grandparents should clear big ticket gift items with parents before purchasing. My mom always checks before buying anything big because she wants to make sure that 1. we want our kid to have this item and 2. someone else isn’t already getting it for him. Something small that’s similar to something he already has she doesn’t necessarily check, but if it’s over $20 she asks first. Obviously it sounds like neither set of grandparents tried to clear this item with you, so you couldn’t warn either of them that they were trying to buy the same gift.

Root-magic −  Why can’t she have 2?