AITA for not telling my family which of my children is biologically mine?
When it comes to family, the subject of biological relationships can be a sensitive one. Our OP, a 19‑year‑old mother (or young adult, as per context) with two children—Clark and Kent—shares a complex family dynamic. Although both children share the same father, only one is biologically hers. Due to circumstances surrounding her ex-partner and another woman who was strikingly similar to her, the children can easily pass for twins.
Over time, family members have repeatedly questioned her about the biological details, culminating in a heated discussion with her mother. OP argues that biology is irrelevant since she is their mother regardless, while her mother insists that knowing which child is biologically hers is important. Now, with family members accusing her of selfishness, OP wonders if she’s in the wrong for not revealing this sensitive information.
‘ AITA for not telling my family which of my children is biologically mine?’
Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist specializing in family dynamics, explains, “When it comes to parenthood, the emotional bond often transcends biological ties. In cases like these, where one parent is deeply involved regardless of genetic connection, withholding specific biological information can be a way of preserving family harmony and the child’s identity. The key is ensuring that this information is shared in a way that doesn’t lead to feelings of favoritism or insecurity in the children.” (kidshealth.org)
Family therapist Dr. Susan Johnson adds, “It’s understandable for parents to feel protective about their personal decisions regarding their children’s identities. If one parent was not present or involved during the pregnancy and birth, it’s completely reasonable for the custodial parent to control when and how that information is shared. In this case, waiting until the children are old enough to decide for themselves is a mature and responsible approach.”
Both experts agree that while the family’s desire to know the biological details is understandable, OP’s decision to withhold that information until the children can decide for themselves is justified and rooted in protecting their emotional well-being.
These are the responses from Reddit users:
Many redditors agree that if you are the primary caregiver and you’ve been upfront about the circumstances, you have every right to control when that personal information is revealed. “Your kids are yours regardless of biology,” one commenter stated.
Ultimately, OP’s decision not to disclose which of her children is biologically hers is rooted in her belief that her role as their mother transcends genetics. By waiting until the children are old enough to decide for themselves, she aims to protect their identity and ensure that family dynamics are not clouded by questions of biology. While her family’s insistence on knowing the details is understandable from their perspective,
OP’s stance is both legally and emotionally valid. Do you think that the right to control personal family narratives should outweigh the curiosity of extended family members? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below—what would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation?