AITA for not telling my ex I got pregnant?

Sometimes, the past has a way of resurfacing when you least expect it—and in ways that leave you questioning your own worth. Our storyteller, a 28-year-old woman, endured a turbulent marriage filled with betrayal and painful compromises. After six years together, her ex-husband’s infidelity and the ensuing manipulation by his coworker shattered her self-esteem.

During her baby girl’s first birthday party, a long-standing slight made her realize she was being treated as nothing more than the “other woman.” That moment became the catalyst for her decision to finally reclaim her dignity and move on with her life.

In the aftermath, she filed for divorce, embarked on a new chapter, and soon found love again. However, the scars of her past still linger, especially when she discovered that she could actually conceive a child—a miracle baby with her current boyfriend. Yet now, an ex-relative’s hurtful comment on social media forces her to confront old wounds and lingering guilt. What should one do when the past, with all its betrayals, threatens to cloud a promising future?

‘ AITA for not telling my ex I got pregnant?’

Expert Opinion

Letting past betrayals influence your present relationships is never easy, and the complexities of blended family histories can add extra layers of pain. “When trust is broken in a relationship, it takes time, honest communication, and sometimes professional guidance to heal,” explains Dr. Terri Orbuch, a relationship expert featured in Psychology Today.

In this case, the OP’s ex-husband not only betrayed her trust by engaging in an affair, but the subsequent manipulation by his coworker further eroded her self-esteem and sense of belonging.

Dr. Orbuch notes that feelings of guilt and regret can persist even after a divorce, especially when the events involve infidelity and manipulation. The OP’s internal struggle—wondering if she should have warned her ex about her fertility or prevented his assumption about infertility—reflects the deep scars left by betrayal. “Conditional love, where affection is based on physical appearance or perceived fertility, leaves the injured party feeling unworthy of unconditional support,” she explains.

Moreover, the lingering involvement of the ex’s family complicates matters further. Even though the OP eventually built a new, loving relationship and welcomed a baby with her current boyfriend, the appearance of her ex’s relative on social media reopens old wounds. According to Dr. Orbuch, unresolved emotions can often be triggered by reminders of past relationships, causing the victim to question whether they deserve the love they have now.

In such cases, Dr. Orbuch advises seeking therapy or counseling to work through feelings of guilt and betrayal. “Healing is not just about moving on; it’s about fully understanding and addressing the pain of past experiences so that it doesn’t continue to affect future relationships,” she adds. Setting firm emotional boundaries and learning to let go of misplaced guilt are essential steps toward a healthier, more secure future.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Most Redditors strongly support the OP, emphasizing that she is not at fault for the ex’s betrayal and manipulative behavior. They agree that his infidelity and subsequent actions were inexcusable, and that the OP’s decision to move on and rebuild her life is entirely justified. The consensus is that she deserves to focus on her own healing and happiness without being burdened by guilt over her past, reinforcing that she is NTA in this situation.