AITA for not telling my ex I got pregnant?

A Reddit user shared her experience of discovering her ex-husband had fathered a child with his coworker during their marriage, which ultimately led to their divorce. After moving on and having her own child with her boyfriend, the ex’s family learned through social media that she could conceive.

This revelation prompted the ex-husband to question the paternity of his supposed daughter, leading to the shocking discovery that the child wasn’t biologically his. Now, the ex blames the user for not informing him about her pregnancy earlier, leaving her questioning her responsibility in the situation. Read the full story below to understand the complex dynamics at play.

‘ AITA for not telling my ex I got pregnant?’

I (28 F) was with my ex-husband for about 6 years. During this time, we were trying for a baby but had no success. About 4 years into our marriage, our marriage had a rough patch. My ex had stress had work and slept with his coworker to ‘relieve’ it. He confessed to me rather quick and a week later, they sat me down and told me they were expecting a child.

I was an i**ot back then and so I felt like I should forgive him because I truly believed he loved me and I thought I had no one. It wasn’t. My ex’s family treated me like their own, but my ex’s supposed daughter was the apple of their eye. As a result of that, my exs coworker was frequent presence in our lives.

They felt like they had to include the mom of their grandchild for everything too and she made her way in every family picture and memory. It didn’t help that I suspected that the coworker had feelings for my ex and flirted with him when she can.

People thought that she was my exs wife constantly and I finally had enough when during the baby girls first birthday party when I was told to take a picture of my ex, his mistress, his daughter, and his parents and it didn’t include me. It hit me that I was now treated as the other woman and I realized that I deserved more than this b**lshit.

I filed for divorce a few months later and left. It was the hardest time of my life but I ended up getting a promotion at work and met this sweet, wonderful guy. Fast forward to now, me and my boyfriend are madly in love and I gave birth to an adorable baby girl that I considered a miracle baby.

I got pregnant with my boyfriend like 3 months after dating him and I thought that it was strange that this could happen since my previous failed attempts with ex and had thought that I was the infertile one. It crossed my mind then that maybe he was the infertile one and he only believed mistress was pregnant with his child because they were having an affair.

I didn’t say anything though because it was not my place anymore. However, my boyfriend was so happy about my daughters birth and posted it on Facebook and tagged me in the post. I was still friends with my ex SIL on FB and she saw the post.

She called me up and said that she was hurt that I didn’t let her know that I could actually get pregnant and the lack of child during my first marriage could be my ex’s fault. He took a paternity test. The poor baby girl was NEVER my ex’s.

The coworker apparently was dating this ‘terrible’ guy during the time she slept with my ex and didn’t know who the child’s father was so she just strung my ex along cause she had feelings for him and thought he’d be the best father for her child.

Now my ex blames me for not telling him that I was pregnant way before and him having to father this girl. He’s doing pretty bad now and I can’t help but feel guilty like I should’ve told him.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Mesapholis −  NTA – first of all, what the f**k – your ex cheats on you and blames you for him taking on fatherhood for a child that is not his? What a – I am not going to say it, because this comment will be removed. sorry – no rough patch justifies cheating, he should have taken up counselling.

He fucked her, he cheated, he should have considered the possibility, that she is f**king other guys, too. The only one he can blame is the woman who forced that child onto him and himself. Don’t feel bad, you don’t need to be mad at your ex, but you sure as hell need to grow up and be mad at the audacity, that he is trying to make you the bad one here.

It’s great you still get along with your Ex’s family, but ma dude, he made his bed, cheating with his coworker – who was already in bed with another man – now he can lie in it and take care of alimony suits or whatever his plan is. I hope he can figure out something, because that child considers him her dad already – but hell, that woman stole years from him.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. Sucks to be him. He cheated on you and got conned. You’re under no obligation to give them information.

Cocoasneeze −  NTA. What kind of g**lighting manipulation this is?! Of course you didn’t need to tell your ex or his family that you were pregnant. Block him and his family if this is how they treat you and think if you.

alexm1982uk −  Nta. Your ex cheated, you moved on. He has now abandoned the lady that drove a wedge in your relationship because she was sleeping with another when you were married to him. He is TA. His life choices are in no way your fault. Cut him out. Congratulations for moving on. Go and enjoy your new family. New man sounds like he is going to be a much better father.

daisycherryblossoms −  A note on the infertility: I always assumed that it was me who was infertile because I had incidents in college where I didn’t use protection a couple of times (very irresponsible and highly not recommended) and nothing came out of it. At the time, I believed I was extremely lucky, but when trying to get pregnant,

I thought of the incident as ‘proof’ that I was the infertile one and had led my ex to believe as such. Him supposedly getting his coworker pregnant strengthened my belief. We were actually going to go to a fertility clinic before we got the news about his coworker, but that never ended up happening. Side note: Thank you for all the kind words 🙂

Pterodactyl_Noises −  You’re NTA, but how could you possibly be the a**hole for not telling your EX-husband that you got pregnant in your new relationship? All you had to work off of before the paternity test were assumptions and theories!

Signature_Sea −  OMFG. It took me a while to work out what was going on, because it was so fucked up. Your ex slept with some random coworker while he was with you “to relieve stress” (aw diddums) This random coworker decided to tell him that he was the father of her child.

Your in laws decide to adopt her and the child as their family and shunt you to the sidelines, (“hurray our son isn’t shooting blanks after all”) You get fed up and decide to look elsewhere for someone who is interested in you for yourself, not as a bedwarmer and housekeeper.

You find someone you like who likes you and you get knocked up sharpish. The sequence of events makes this dimwitted sharpshooter wonder if perhaps his stress relief piece on the side may not have been entirely honest with him, he gets a paternity test, your in laws are all sad faced and looking to blame someone other than him,

this sequence of hellish events is somehow your fault?????? it’s good that he is shooting blanks, those genes don’t need passing on. NTA in any way shape or form. Edited to say, thanks for my gold 🙂

[Reddit User] −  NTA Oh my goodness. He was the one that stepped out on your marriage then allowed you to feel overlooked for a year. What were you supposed to do? Call him and tell him his kid might not be his with no real evidence and when you two weren’t in contact anymore? That’s a huge level of entitlement on his part.

Maybe he is lashing out because he’s hurt. I don’t know. But you are completely innocent in all of this.

Dr_Wizard_Pants −  NTA that’s poetic, f**k that guy and his useless balls.

[Reddit User] −  NTA Wow this was rollercoaster. The guy got exactly what he deserved. That poor child though. I’m very happy you got your happy ending and you should focus on that! After all that you dont owe anyone any explanation.