AITA for not telling my Dad he isn’t getting the inheritance he’s expecting?
A Reddit user shared a dilemma involving their father’s expectation of a large inheritance from the user’s grandparents. The father, confident about this future windfall, has neglected saving for retirement, only to be unaware that most of the estate will actually go to the user instead. Despite feeling guilty, the user promised their grandparents not to share this information. Read the full story below to decide if you think they should break the news.
‘Â AITA for not telling my Dad he isn’t getting the inheritance he’s expecting?’
My mother died when I was 16. My dad married another woman two years later.
My grandparents, my dad’s parents, HATE my stepmother. I really don’t like her either.
Even after my half-siblings were born, my grandparents never warmed up to her.
My grandparents are quite wealthy. My father has been banking on this inheritance for a while. He has even been not paying into his retirement because he’s so sure that he will inherit the millions.
I just found out on Saturday that I’m getting the majority of my grandparents estate. My father is getting a token amount of $50000 so he can’t dispute it.
My grandparents made me promise not to give out any money after and I intend to keep my word.
But I do feel really guilty that my father just spends his money as it’s coming in because he’s relying on money he won’t get.
I also found out my dad is in a lot of debt.. AITA for not telling him?
Take a look at the comments from fellow users:
andromache97 − NTA. Your grandparents should be honest with your dad. By not telling him, they are setting you up for a LOT of drama after they die, and that’s not fair to you. Your dad shouldn’t be spending recklessly and counting on inheritance money to come in and fix everything. That’s ridiculously irresponsible. Everyone in this situation is an a**hole other than you.
medsizedtoberlerone − NTA: But you should talk to your grandparents and *make sure they tell him before they pass and while they’re still in the right minds*. Maybe even have an attorney present.
If he’s as irresponsible as you say he is, then he will likely try to sue you for money when they pass. Families have been torn apart over sums totaling much less.. Please protect yourself here.
crushedcayenne − If your grandparents aren’t giving your father a heads up, so he can plan better, they are the AH. They don’t have to say you’re getting most of it, but even saying “fyi we have plans for most of our estate. Don’t expect much.” Especially when children (even adult children) are involved, he and they might think their college fund or house downpayments might come from the inheritance. It’s fair they know what’s up.
purplesez − NTA. Your grandparents know what’s up – it probably has a bit to do with the stepmother, but most likely your grandparents know what your dad’s like with money and they don’t want their hard earned and saved cash going to someone who will throw it away on dumb s**t and be broke again in no time. Your father’s irresponsibility is not your responsibility in this instance.
iconoclast63 − NTA. But your grandparents are kind of cruel for letting him keep digging a deeper and deeper hole all the while knowing what he expects. They should go ahead and tell him so he can plan accordingly.
RememberKoomValley − NTA. It’s not \*your\* fight, the argument that would happen the minute you told him, and frankly if he’s being so casual about his future I’m not sure he’d be safe to tell. Take him as an object lesson, though–work hard to ensure you have a safe future, ’cause nothing is certain.
Foxxma − I think the anti-entitlement sentiment goes too far on this subreddit sometimes. Why exactly shouldn’t you expect an inheritance from your parents when they pass (assuming there is anything to inherit)? It seems a**hole-ish to me to give the money to anyone/anything other than your kids, or at the very least– your family, unless they’re already wealthy and wouldn’t benefit from it…
Change my mind. Granted, they *are* keeping it in the family but in this case, it sounds like the only thing their son did to p**s them off was marry someone they don’t approve of. Without further details explaining why they disapprove, that just isn’t fair/justifiable.
Ultimately, they’re free to give their estate to anyone they want, whether that makes them assholes or not. But they should at least tell him he’s not going to be the one receiving it so he can KNOW he needs to fix his current destructive financial habits. And if they’re not going to, you probably should. Why leave your father in the dark just to avoid drama?. **ESH:**
\- Your grandparents s**k for withholding money from their child and not telling him.
\- Your father sucks for making poor financial decisions in the assumption that it won’t matter when his parents die.
\- You s**k if you don’t tell your father the truth (if you conclude that your grandparents will not tell him themselves).
PugRexia − NTA. I’d ask your grandpa to break the news to your dad since otherwise you’ll be left with the fallout. Very unfortunate situation.
OsirisReign − All these NTAs are banking on principle (it’s not your responsibility to tell him), but in the real f**king world, if you do care about your dad you should let him know. ESH.
whynotbothey − YTA.. … He’s your dad… You’d rather see his life ruined than just tell him once and for all? Oh my f**king god, some people here don’t know what family is. Holy f**k.
Should the user tell their father about the inheritance change, or is it best to keep the promise to their grandparents? How would you handle the responsibility of knowing such a secret? Share your thoughts below!
If you go against your grandparents wish not to say anything to your dad, you could end up with nothing.
Not your responsibility to tell your dad about the will. If I want to spend my money on a horse, it’s mine to do with as I see. If the grandparents tell their son, it could help him not spend so much anticipating a big income from his parents death. Frankly, I find it morbid that the son is counting the money before they even die. I’d say he has the shock coming.
First of all, no one – no one – is entitled to someone else’s money or property. No one, including the grandson, should be expecting ANYTHING, even if – and I want to make this perfectly clear – even if told by grandparents that it is going to happen. The grandparents might quickly find a reason to be upset with him – especially if he betrays their confidence to his father…
…which is what he should do, if it comes down to that. He can gently warn his father about the excessive spending, to try to stave off the inevitable, but ultimately, the dad has decided to be oblivious, and will continue to be.
The grandson could explain the situation to the grandparents – which is what I would do – and make it clear that if they don’t warn his father, then, out of love and devotion, it falls on him to warn his father – just as it would fall on him to alert his grandparents if the father were swindling their money in the event he was in control of it.
It is morally wrong to use money or hope of money to buy loyalty, and anyone who sells loyalty for money deserves neither.
I’m sorry the original poster is in such a messy situation, but ultimately, he shouldn’t sell his loyalty to his dad for an inheritance, and he shouldn’t allow his grandparents to think that money is what motivates him and will buy his silence. Out of love for family, he should ask his grandparents not to put him in the situation where he has to keep a secret from his dad; he loves his dad more than that; and he came to them to tell them before he had to go to his dad instead of betraying their confidence, because he loves THEM more than that. It may cost him a lot of someone else’s money….
…but no one should feel entitled to someone else’s money.
Is he the asshole? Only if he sits quietly and says nothing to anyone.
Good luck, OP.
You are absolutely the a**hole! That’s your father for God’s sake. Granted, he’s not playing his hand very intelligently but that shouldn’t change your loyalty. That’s one hell of a rug to have pulled out from under your feet as you get closer to the end of the journey. What really makes you the AH is that, in my opinion, you aren’t telling him because YOU have something to lose here if he changes their mind. And what kind of A-HOLES are your grandparents? Withholding his inheritance because they don’t like his wife? They should be concerned ONLY with the fact that their son is happy in HIS life. So yeah, you and your grandparents…. MAJOR A**HOLES
Once your grandparents die, why wouldn’t you share with your father? They are dead and it’s your father. Who cares what you promised. That is what I would do. Keep it 50/50 while subtracting the 50k he got. Your grandparents are the a**holes , unless your dad is just a jerk
NTA- your grandparents are still alive and could change their mind about giving the inheritance to you if you go behind their backs, and tell your father. He will probably make their lives miserable, and that’s not really fair to them either. If you do want to tell him, I think you should do it with them, and probably with legal Assistance, otherwise ask your grandparents to help you meet with an attorney, so that after they pass you, and that attorney can break the news to your father in the least disruptive way possible.
It sounds like your grandparents would like this wealth to stay in the family, so hopefully you are able to make better choices than your father, when it comes to saving and investing, and do the same for your children.
Unfortunately, it does not sound like your father would do the same for you, and your siblings, which I think your grandparents clearly see.
This is their choice, I’m sure they also feel bad that you don’t have two parents to provide for you while your siblings do.
After you get the money, just make sure that you are making choices that are respectful to the legacy that they left behind, but you protect yourself, and that you don’t let the guilt that your family lays on you. Make you feel like you need to take steps, or Make choices with the money that you would not otherwise.
This will be your chance to build something wonderful.
what about the other granchildren .I assume they have done anything wrong.
NTA, the purpose of a Last Will and Testament is so that inheritance goes to the right people. Parents know their children best. There are probably more than one reason why the son was left out, not just because of his choice of a wife. In addition, there may forfeiture language in the Will if the grandson does not follow what is stipulated in the Will. The grandson should follow his grandparents wishes.
I would treat this as the Grandson does not know about the grandparents will. Most people do not know of the contents of a will until read. It is not the grandsons place to tell anyone just because he knows.