AITA for not telling him dinner is ready?
Marathon bathroom breaks usually sound alarm bells for all sorts of medical concerns, from mysterious digestive woes to prolonged kidney trouble. But in this particular case, it turns out the only malady at hand is a fierce case of TikTok addiction—one so intense that a grown man might as well be thirteen and hiding from his chores.
Our Original Poster (OP) recounts a humorous yet maddening predicament involving her forty-year-old spouse glued to his phone while she juggles dinner preparations and two lively children. Frustrated by his prolonged absence, she decides not to summon him—leading to a dinner-time standoff and plenty of head-shaking moments. Read the full story below:
‘AITA for not telling him dinner is ready?’
In this scenario, the Original Poster (OP) is frustrated because her 40-year-old husband is so absorbed in TikTok that he spends extended periods in the bathroom scrolling instead of helping with dinner and caring for their two young children. While OP prepares a full roast dinner, sets the table, and even manages extra household chores, her husband remains lost in his digital world. His eventual appearance—more than two hours later—sparks a heated argument about responsibilities and expectations within the family.
The contrasting perspectives in this conflict are clear. OP feels overwhelmed and resentful, believing that she should not have to act as a surrogate parent by constantly reminding him about dinner. She argues that his preoccupation with his phone is unacceptable and that his behavior disrupts the household’s harmony. Conversely, her husband seems to expect his wife to alert him when tasks are complete, perhaps assuming that his need for personal space justifies his prolonged absence. This clash of expectations lies at the heart of their dispute.
This situation reflects a broader societal issue: the pervasive impact of smartphone addiction on family dynamics and communication. According to a report by the Pew Research Center, over 81% of Americans own a smartphone, and many check their devices frequently throughout the day (Pew Research). Such constant connectivity can erode face-to-face interactions and shift household responsibilities disproportionately onto one partner, leading to feelings of neglect and frustration—issues that resonate with many modern families.
Expert opinions shed further light on this dilemma. Organizational psychologist Dr. Adam Grant, a professor at the Wharton School, emphasizes the importance of clear boundaries and effective communication in maintaining healthy relationships. He has stated, “When personal time is prioritized without consideration for shared responsibilities, resentment inevitably builds, undermining trust and cooperation.” (See more at Dr. Adam Grant’s website). His insights suggest that both partners must actively balance personal interests with mutual obligations to prevent long-term conflict.
Applying Dr. Grant’s perspective to OP’s situation, it becomes evident that the lack of clear communication and established boundaries regarding technology use is a key factor in the conflict. OP’s husband’s prolonged digital immersion not only disrupts daily routines but also places an unfair burden on his wife, who ends up managing most household tasks alone. Experts from sources like Psychology Today recommend setting “tech-free” periods—especially during meals and family time—to ensure that digital distractions do not interfere with essential interpersonal interactions (Psychology Today on smartphone addiction).
In light of these insights, a practical solution would involve both partners agreeing to specific guidelines regarding smartphone use and household responsibilities. For example, they could designate a “no phone” zone during dinner or create a shared schedule for chores and caregiving. Such measures can help restore balance and ensure that neither partner feels overburdened or neglected. What do you think—should couples establish strict digital boundaries to foster better communication and shared responsibilities in today’s tech-driven world?
Here’s what Redditors had to say:
Reddit users were quick to voice their thoughts on the situation. Many commented that the husband’s behavior was reminiscent of adolescent irresponsibility, with several noting that his digital distraction was unacceptable given his parental and spousal roles. A popular sentiment was that the wife should not be expected to monitor him constantly, while others highlighted that his behavior might indicate a deeper issue related to social media addiction. This popular opinion raises an important question: does widespread acceptance of such behavior truly reflect reality?
What do you think about the impact of digital distractions on family life? Would you handle a similar situation differently, or do you believe setting clear technology boundaries is the key to harmony? Share your experiences and opinions in the comments below.
Turn off the internet
Turn the wifi off at meal times. If nothing else he’ll come downstairs to see why he can’t access whatever site he was on.
NTA. You gave him a time limit, it’s on him.
Sounds more like he is having an affair not mindlessly watching TikTok.
I would be having a discussion with him that he either slows down or he is gone
I’d have bloody left him to it aswell! You are NTA, he is!
Someone mentioned he may have a p*rn addiction, I would look into that a bit more. That sounds like a huge possibility. If this is the case it will get worse before it gets better. There is help though for this addiction and he may need that. He may not be honest though, a s*xual addiction is a very personal thing and it’s embarrassing to have to admit, but we are only sick as our secrets.
I can relate to this, when I married my second husband at 40, I also had to put my foot down. When we first got married he told me it was very important for us to have dinner every night to stay connected. Sounded good to me because I like to cook. After a month of marriage he invited a club member to stop by at dinner time and got up from the table and when up stairs to do what they do (gone about 1.5 hours). We talked and he told me it would not happen again, but it did a week later.
So I stopped cooking for him because it was apparent to me that our dinners together was not important.
Install family link on his phone and start controlling his screen time, just change his age from 40 to 14 when you set it up.
No NTA, you can not cater to grown people BS…. And I’ve noticed that a lot of “MEN” have no sense of time management, from my own experience, 15ins feels like 5 to them…. Wat they think is 20 mins is usually an hr…. Ma’am please get out of that marriage wit that man child…. He wants a mom not a wife.
He’s cheating on you
You’re NTA , that jerk could be cheating on you
NTA, there are other things he can eat if the microwave roast isn’t his jam… but like it’s not your job to go get him, he knew how long… also hemroids he should be worried about those at this rate
Hell I get yelled at if I don’t give him a 5 minutes heads up. Then get yelled at for bothering him in the bathroom. And If I choose to not come tell him and just wait oh boy. Black and blue and broken plates