AITA for not telling a man that the research he was mansplaining to me was my own?

A 33-year-old woman working in a niche legal field shared her experience of meeting a man at a bar who unknowingly “mansplained” her own published research to her, getting much of it wrong. Despite recognizing her work, she let him continue for 20 minutes before eventually revealing she was the author.

The man became angry, accusing her of manipulation and humiliation. Friends later criticized her for creating unnecessary tension, leaving her wondering if she handled the situation poorly.

‘ AITA for not telling a man that the research he was mansplaining to me was my own ?’

I don’t normally post on reddit so please forgive me if I do this wrong. I (33f) work in a very small, technical, specific, male dominated field. I won’t give too much information on it as I think you could easily find my identity if I did, but let’s just say it’s a sub category of law.

I graduated 9 years ago (for anyone wondering, the system in my country is different than in the US so I only studied for 5 years), and am now a lawyer as well as a researcher. I published some work here and there but nothing too major, and no one outside of that field knows my work.

Yesterday I went to a bar with a couple of friends who introduced me to one of their friends who works in the same field as me. I was pretty excited to meet him because it’s rare to meet people who work in that field.

He doesn’t exactly do the same thing as I do, he’s not a lawyer but a legal advisor, but we work on the same topics. So naturally we started talking about our work. At one point we were discussing a point on which we had different opinions,

so I explained mine to him and he replied by saying that my opinion was based on nothing while his was based on the work of a professional (you guessed it, me). He basically started explaining my work to me, but in a completely wrong way and missed all of my points.

I asked him if he was sure that that was what the author meant and he said that he was because it was “pretty simple actually”. For another good 20 minutes he explained all of it to me in details, like I was a first year law student.

I didn’t say anything because it was pretty funny to watch him say things that were completely wrong with so much confidence. After that the topic changed and the night went on, but at the end of the night right before leaving I decided to tell him that I was actually the person that wrote the work he had quoted,

and that he hadn’t really understood it. He reacted very badly and got angry, and he told me that I had manipulated him to humiliate him. He yelled at me for not saying it was my work at the beginning. I simply replied that he had embarrassed himself and left.

I woke up this morning to texts from my friends saying I was wrong for causing drama and tension and that I could’ve been nicer to their friend. I’m not sure if I’m in the wrong there. I mean yes, I could’ve told him right away, but is it that big of a deal that I didn’t? I’m not exactly sure. AITA?

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Lauuriaa −  NTA and kudos to you for being so calm when he mansplained your own research! Question: Did your friends also reprimand their friend for screaming at you? I mean that wasn’t exactly friendly either…. Edit: spelling

VerbingNoun413 −  NTA. This is hilarious.

YarnPenguin −  This is as good as that man on twitter that tried to tell Margaret Atwood which religious doctrine the Handmaid’s Tale was a critique of. NTA

According-Addendum65 −  NTA. He fucked around, found out. He’s just pissed as a small man that realised he was outclassed and potentially made some massive career errors. Being plain wrong, to start with, and then being enough of a misogynist to behave like that without realising you were the author.

You took the trash out. He probably behaves like this in the office too, so taking him down a peg probably hit too hard.

Constant-Goat-2463 −  NTA. A decent person would just laugh and apologize admitting he really must’ve looked funny to you, and then respecfully ask to explain the points he did not get.

No matter how late you revealed the truth, and even if you said that a little bit bitter – any sane, healthily confident person would apologize for misinterpreting your text. He could continue argueing, but how he reacted was not normal. You’re ok.

UnhappyRaven −  NTA This is what is described in the Rebecca Solnit essay (https://www.latimes.com/archives/la-xpm-2008-apr-13-op-solnit13-story.html). She didn’t coin the term “mansplain” but it was coined in response to her essay to describe this exact situation. I.e. a specific type of condescension.

Opening-Worker-3075 −  NTA He’s the arsehole. Twice. Maybe three times.  Firstly for mansplaining. Second for kicking off. And possibly third for whining to your friend.  You merely listened politely, and gave him enough rope to hang himself. Not your fault he took it. 

WomanInQuestion −  NTA – “How dare you let our friend behave like himself in public! You were supposed to help him cover up his ignorance!” Perhaps they are angry and feel foolish because of what their association with him says about them?

Mindless_Behavior80 −  NTA. The fact that he said your opinion was based on nothing was what did it. He didn’t inquire about how you came to that conclusion and then quoted your published work. LMAO.  He thought he sounded smart and overestimated his brain power.

Instead of humbling himself, he lashed out. Just yuck. “Stupid is as stupid does.” – F. Gump . My Daddy taught me “I don’t talk stupid.” This story gave a very good example of why not to engage those who speak it fluently.

Difficult-Egg-9954 −  Did you introduce yourself/be introduced to him by your name?

Was she justified in letting him dig his own hole, or should she have clarified sooner to avoid the fallout? What do you think? Share your thoughts below! Read the original story below…