AITA for not taking my step daughter on vacation?

A Reddit user shares a situation where, after planning a Disney trip for their young children, they decided not to bring their 15-year-old stepdaughter along. They thought she wouldn’t enjoy the trip since she had already been to Disney several times and was going on a ski trip with friends that same week.

However, the stepdaughter’s mother is upset and claims that the family doesn’t care about her, causing her stepdaughter to feel left out. The Redditor explains they offered to cancel the trip and bring her along, but the stepdaughter preferred her ski trip. Read the full story below to get all the details.

‘ AITA for not taking my step daughter on vacation?’

I 30 female have been married to my husband, Tom, 35 male for 2 years. We have a 3 year old son and 4 year old daughter together. He has a 15 year old daughter from a previous relationship. The custody agreement is every other weekend. Our son and daughter have never been to Disney.

So this year we are surprising them with a trip. My husband, myself, and the 2 kids will be going to Disney for 5 days. My step daughter has been to Disney 6 times so we didn’t think she’d want to go since we have to do things the little ones can enjoy.

The trip is planned for a week she is going with her friends to a ski resort. My husband and I paid for half the trip and gave her spending money to have fun. Her mom asked my husband if he would be able to bring her the morning of the trip to the friends house so all the girls can leave together.

He let her know he couldn’t since we were going to be getting on a plane that morning to Disney. Her mom said we obviously don’t take care about my step daughter since we’re not taking her and has made my step daughter upset thinking we didn’t want her to go.

We’ve tried explaining that we didn’t think she’d want to go on the young kids rides and that we can’t split up with her because the little ones are in the try to run in opposite directions phase.

We’ve offered to cancel her ski trip and bring her with us but she said she wants to do both and it’s not fair for her to miss the trip with her friends. We just want some unbiased opinions.. AITA?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

WaterWitch009 −  ESH – some more than others. You, only for not talking to her about it beforehand. Your husband bears much more responsibility for this, though, because it’s his child.

Stepdaughter for being “it’s not faiiiiiirrrrr” about not being able to go to Disney and on her ski trip and because she probably would hate the Disney trip geared for little kids and be a pain. (Speaking as a former 15-yo girl, hah.) MOSTLY, though, stepdaughter’s mother for making this a whole thing and likely winding up her daughter to be upset about it.

embopbopbopdoowop −  You planned a family trip without including a member of your family and without even telling that member of your family about it. YTA all day every day. You “didn’t think” a 15yo would want to go to Disney? I call BS. You knew she would.

Otherwise you would have asked or told her and checked your assumptions. To be clear, I’m using the plural ‘you’ and ‘your’, and your husband is the much bigger AH here for allowing his daughter to be excluded.

Beneficial_Syrup_869 −  I am the oldest stepdaughter, my siblings are significantly younger than me, I would assume my stepmother hated me at 15 if this happened. Yes your logic makes sense to adults, to a 15 year old: my stepmom planned a vacation I couldn’t go on cause she doesn’t like me.

YTA, should’ve said, hey SD we want to take the kids to Disney, but want to go to during the spring holiday you’re going skiing on. You can join us or still go skiing, which would you prefer? You made the choice for her without including her even though she is part of the family, you keep saying a family vacation and you’re missing part of that family.

wlfwrtr −  YTA along with your husband! You knew when her ski trip was so you set the Disney trip up at the same time so you wouldn’t have to take stepdaughter. Try to excuse your actions by saying didn’t think she’d want to go, you just didn’t want to ask if she did so she couldn’t say she did.

Anyone who has been to Disney 6 times has a love for it and would want to go again. Do you think you would have been the first family to go that had children of different ages? You and husband need to stop lying and be truthful that neither of you wanted her to go.

You wanted a ‘family’ trip and don’t see her as family. When you get back don’t expect her to be happy with either one of you now that she knows her dad and stepmom don’t want her around.

You offered to cancel her ski trip but what you should have done is change the Disney trip. But that gave you another lie to perpetuate, she didn’t want to go she wanted to go on the ski trip instead. I hope husband reads this with you. You’re both AH.

pacodude −  As child of a set of divorced parents with step parents. I grew up with step parent that did not treat me any different than the new children.

Then there was the one step parent that treated me as legal entity having to deal with me when required. Fast forward many years, and that one step parent wants to know why I do not them around my life or my kids.

Scared_Use_9564 −  If she wasn’t your step daughter but your biological 15 year old daughter, you would have mentioned this to her or been obligated to bring her. You and your husband took advantage of the “step” part of her title in yall family.

She should have been invited and asked because first and foremost she is an immediate member of your family and deserves the right to decline or whine about doing both. It does appear as though you both intentionally excluded her otherwise. She’s a child- y’all are the adults. YTA.

holliday_doc_1995 −  YTA. You should have spoken with your step daughter before planning the trip and asked her if she wanted to go. It was an a**hole move to assume that she didn’t want to and moving forward without even checking.

That is really hurtful. Not only did you not ask her if she wants to go but you didn’t even tell her at all. She had to find out about it last minute from someone else.

She may have been much more understanding if you had given her a heads up about planning it during the time she was scheduled to be gone and perhaps given her an option to cut the ski trip short to catch the last couple days at Disney. You didn’t even tell her though.

maybeRaeMaybeNot −  YTA. It’s mostly a communication breakdown. No one was intentionally being mean or hurtle, just a bit oblivious on your part. You didn’t ask.  And then (in her mind) tried to sneak a trip in to Disney without telling her.  You and her dad assumed she wiuld think it was boring and not want to go at all.

At 15, she wouldn’t need to be tethered to your side. She also might actually want to be part of what is traditionally a family trip and see her siblings enjoy it. Especially as she has been so many times.

I don’t know your step daughter, but I know 2 of my teens/young adults would have still wanted to see Disney even if it was just was just to take the little kids on a couple of rides before going off to do a ride in their own and meet back up with us in between. She also isn’t an ah for saying she is disappointed at be left out. She is right, it isn’t fair. 

Public-Proposal7378 −  YTA, you used her trip as a way to avoid bringing her. You did not want her to go, that isn’t a lie. You paid for her to be elsewhere, planned your trip when you knew she couldn’t go, and hid behind the fact that she “couldn’t”.

DangerDog619 −  YTA. Your husband’s child only has three years left of being a kid. By making plans when she isn’t available to join you, you and your husband are excluding her. You are telling her that she doesn’t matter as much as her siblings. This is toxic femininity.

You are falling into the classic stepmother s**t pile of believing that your stepdaughter’s real home and life is with her mother. You are acting as if she’s an inconvenient guest in your home every other weekend. She’s not. That is her home. Wherever her dad lives is her home. Dad can divorce you he can’t divorce his kid.

You could have easily picked another five day period to take the family on this trip. You are a d**k for choosing this particular week specifically so you can go without having to take your husband’s kid. Gross. A**hole. Broken stepmom brain b**lshit.

Do you think the user was wrong to not take their stepdaughter on the trip, or was it a fair decision given the circumstances? How would you handle a similar situation with blended families? Share your thoughts below!