AITA for not taking my girlfriend’s side after she embarrassed my friend?

A Redditor recounts a tense moment at a holiday party where their girlfriend, Fiona, clashed with a friend, Celia, over a comment about Fiona’s dad working in the oil field. Fiona responded with pointed remarks about environmental hypocrisy, which led to Celia feeling offended and leaving the party early. Now caught in the middle, the Redditor wonders if they were wrong for not siding with Fiona, who claims Celia was subtly rude throughout the evening.

‘ AITA for not taking my girlfriend’s side after she embarrassed my friend?’

My gf (19F) Fiona and I (21M) have been together for around a month now, and yesterday I brought her to a Christmas party with all of my friends to introduce her to them. Fiona got along with all of them well, though she was understandably a little shy. It also make it difficult for her that most of my friends and I are international students whereas she’s born and raised in North America.

For context, Fiona doesn’t like to cause conflict and often is okay with letting things slide to keep the peace. However if she‘s angered, she’s also the type to say something and can be a bit of a hothead. That being said, she’s extremely sweet and understanding which makes this situation all the more bizarre for me.

Fiona was quiet most of the party, occasionally piping in the conversation and letting it take its course around her. She was holding a bag which I found out today is pretty expensive, around $2.7k. My friend Celia pointed out her purse and asked where she got it to which Fiona explained that it was a gift from her parents. At this, Celia asked what Fiona’s parents did.

Fiona told her that her mom was a stay at home mom and her dad worked in the oil field, and Celia made a face and said “you know digging oil is horrible for the environment.”

At this Fiona asked Celia if the clothes she was wearing was made of Polyester and Nylon, if she participated in fast fashion, if she took planes, or used solar powered energies primarily. And then she asked Celia if she drew the line for being environmentally conscious at someone working hard to support their family. Fiona’s tone was light but I could tell she was angry. The rest of my friends laughed and told Celia that Fiona had a point and moved on. But Celia went quiet afterwards and left soon after.

This morning, I got a text message from her that Fiona was extremely rude to her and that she didn’t feel comfortable attending parties where Fiona was present anymore and l that while she didn’t want to tell me what to do, that she thought I deserved someone better and less snobby.

When I told Fiona she went quiet and told me that the reason she snapped at Celia was because she was purposely acting as if Fiona didn’t exist and being snide towards her. I tried to argue that Celia never said anything off putting save for the “oil field” comment and that Fiona should just apologize to keep the peace but Fiona refuses and says I didn’t pick up on it because I’m a guy and girls have subtext. Now Fiona and Celia are both upset with me and I feel bad for putting them both in this situation. AITA for not picking Fiona’s side?

Update: We broke up, I’m dating Celia now. Just kidding, I apologized to Fiona for not immediately standing up for her and showed her this thread. She’s been reading it for the past 2 hours laughing. She has NOT broken up with me, and I’ve sent a sternly worded text to Celia telling her that she was being rude and obviously attempting to pick a fight.

Celia apparently tried to s**t on Fiona to a couple friends, snidely remarking that she’s rude but they acted confused and told Celia she was mistaken. From what I picked up from conversations with friends, Celia was not in love with me as some people suggested, just jealous of Fiona.

Also, it is normal in the country Celia is from to ask about parent’s occupation and Fiona said it wasn’t weird for her to ask about where the is purse from as she gets it a lot. I am deeply humbled and will now be throughly rethinking the way I behave in relation to my gf. Thanks 😭🙏

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Fantastic_Aide1004 −  YTA. Honestly great comeback your gf had to the oil rig comment and even your friends thought your gf had a point. Also, Celia made such a back handed comment to your gf and your gf just gave the heat back. You should’ve taken your gf side and honestly Celia is trying to just manipulate you into picking her or your gf (not sure if she likes you or not but definitely sus imo). Just weigh who you value more and realize you’re jeopardizing your relationship with your gf by not taking her side because she’s valid in this scenario.

zekkeshiro −  YTA. Does nobody know what social graces are anymore? Your “friend” picked a fight the moment she inquired about your girlfriend’s purse. To me, she was obviously jealous. When she found out how much she purse cost and was told it was a gift, she asked what your girlfriend’s parents do for a living.

This might not seem rude at first, but it’s the equivalent of asking someone what they make at their job. It might not seem rude to some people but, generally, it’s not something others should be asking because one person’s wage is nobody else’s business.

Your “friend” was digging for information about your girlfriend’s family, and immediately decided to be rude by insinuating that your girlfriend’s bag was bought with money that came from ruining the environment. This was, again, probably fueled by jealousy. She was jealous that your girlfriend’s family was able to gift her such an expensive, luxurious gift and decided to shame her for it instead of being nice and simply leaving a compliment.

Your “friend” could have said anything. “Well it’s beautiful, and they have good taste.” “I’m happy that your father could get that for you on a single income. It must have been hard. He sounds like a hard worker”. Instead, she decided to be rude; and yet, you’re mad at your girlfriend for defending herself and her family?

I think you should reflect on the relationship you have with your “friend”, and your girlfriend should reflect on what relationship she has with you. Especially since your girlfriend is shy, and you shame her for standing up for herself when someone is rude to her? You and your “friend” are so ignorant, it’s laughable. You should apologize immediately. It’s the least you could do.

imamage_fightme −  YTA. Purely based on what you have written (and it’s entirely possible that there is more to this as your girlfriend has said, because I agree that a lot of men do not pick up on the subtleties of women-on-women aggression) your friend took the first shot. She in no way, shape or form had to make a comment about your girlfriend’s father’s job.

Regardless of anyone’s opinions on the oil industry, the comment literally has no value other than to be rude – your girlfriend didn’t pick her fathers job, the oil industry is not going to suddenly change if she tells her father to quit, and making her feel bad about what her father does helps no one and nothing. The fact that you are quicker to defend your friend and are not supporting your girlfriend? Yeaaaah, can’t imagine she will be your girlfriend much longer.

DizzyWalk9035 −  YTA. First of all who asks someone where they got something expensive from? The f**king shop, duh. You say “I love your purse,” and that’s it. It’s tacky af to go digging for clues like that. What’s the point? Maybe she saved up for months, or it was passed down from a grandparent. She wanted a reason to hate on your girlfriend.

My stepdad has a skilled blue collar job and makes bank. I have 10000% gotten these same comments from people because they are trying to dig up something n**arious since my parents are Mexican immigrants. Tell your friend to mind her damn business.

Tunnock_ −  YTA What exactly was Celia hoping to achieve with her snide comment of “you know digging oil is horrible for the environment.” ? Did you expect Fiona to just take it or what? Would you have taken Fiona’s side if she had said nothing but told you it upset her later? Celia embarrassed herself and got justifiably put in her place by Fiona.. You’re being a s**tty boyfriend.

shesaidiwannagohome −  YTA. That friend was rude for absolutely no good reason and attacked your girlfriend’s family. If you care about this girl at all, or want any sort of future for this relationship, you should be thanking God she’s this loyal to family. Your friend sounds extremely rude and jealous, and you need to ask her for an apology for your girlfriend if you want to keep her in your life.

webstones123 −  YTA. Your GF did not say anything rude. I see that there as a smaller form of self defence. Celia made a comment about your GF dad’s job which could be seen as hostile and your girlfriend replied in kind. Your GF might be right that there were cues you might not have picked up on, not due to your gender but due to the fact that the remarks were not directed towards you.

DamnitGravity −  Fiona should just apologize to keep the peace. Oh, you’re one of _those._ Fiona kept the peace, it’s Celia making a damn issue. Celia bloody well started it! If she can’t handle it, she shouldn’t dish it out. So, how long ya held a torch for dear CC? I can only assume that’s the case, since you took her side. Fiona did nothing wrong, all she did was point out your ‘friend’s’ hypocrisy.

Saying ‘keep the peace’ means “I don’t wanna deal with this, so compromise your morality and ethics, and make _my_ life stress-free because that’s all I care about.” YTA.

excel_pager_420 −  To be honest, the whole, I’ve clocked this person has an expensive bag, let me use that to figure out how wealthy this person is, was rude. Celia wasn’t even smart enough to enquire what exactly Fiona’s Dad oil field job is, there’s a big difference between CEO, oil worker and engineers, she just jumped straight into, “oil is bad for environment” moral superiority.

And of course, this is such a surface level moral judgement it’s easily destroyed, as Fiona did in pointing out we all participate in things bad for the environment for the sake of convenience. And now you want Fiona to apologise, because Celia poorly orchestrated an attempt to put your girlfriend down and it completely backfired? YTA.

FaithlessnessFlat514 −  What was Fiona supposed to say? Apologize for her father’s career? Call him and lecture him into quitting? I’m usually as environmentalist as the next person (I do avoid polyster, nylon, fast fashion and travel when possible for environmental reasons) but Celia’s comment was rude and snobby, especially given the context of Fiona being new to the group. Fiona fired back a proportional taste of her own medicine. YTA.