AITA for not supporting my wife’s decision to punish our son & letting him go to a party that will be tonight?

A Redditor shares a dilemma involving his teenage son, his wife, and her best friend’s daughter. After politely declining her repeated advances, his son finally voiced his lack of romantic interest in front of classmates, which led to her being teased.

Now, the Redditor’s wife and her friend believe he should apologize and support the girl. However, he feels his son has done nothing wrong and has supported his decision to attend a Halloween party with another girl, sparking tension between him and his wife.

‘ AITA for not supporting my wife’s decision to punish our son & letting him go to a party that will be tonight?’

The article has the next update at the end.

This is a throwaway, but this involves some absolute high school drama nonsense that someone my age should have to deal with, but maybe I am ‘trippin and missing something. So, here I am.

I (45M) share a daughter (17F) and son (15M) with my wife (41F). My wife’s best friend (40F) has two daughter (18F & 15F). My wife’s best friend moved to our town about six years.

My wife and her best friend have been not so subtly pulling for the two 15-year-olds to end up together. I find this weird and low-key creepy. About two years ago, wife’s BF’s youngest daughter appeared to have developed a crush on our son. My son talked to me about it and he had **zero** interest.

So, we discussed how to tactfully but firmly let her down. She has approached him again a number of times over the last couple of years and he has reaffirmed his lack of interest.

This past summer, my wife’s BF’s oldest daughter turned 18. Her parents went **all out** for her birthday. It was a whole weekend of festivities and events. One of the events was a couple’s dinner for the oldest daughter and all her friends in couples. The younger daughter of wife’s BF wanted to go to the dinner but did not have anyone to go with.

She asked my son, and he agreed to go, but only as friends and just this one time. So, they went together. After the dinner, the “couples” all watched 10 Things I Hate About You together. It was my son’s first time seeing it and he commented that he thought the Heath Ledger singing scene was cool (this is important later).

My business partner (44M) every year, for the last five years, throws a **huge** Halloween party. All our employees are invited along with close friends and family. The party requires a costume. And at this party, there are prizes for best individual costume, group costume, and couples’ costume. My wife’s BF and her family are obviously invited every year. This year, the Halloween party is tonight, October 26th.

So, let me get to the reason I am here. About a month ago, my son is at school, and comes towards him is my wife’s BF’s younger daughter with a whole song and dance routine. She ends it by asking him to be her date for the Halloween party.

My son was so frustrated and reiterated, for everyone to hear, that he is not interested in her like that at all. Of course, it being high school, some kids laughed and she ran off crying. She has been bullied pretty badly because of it.

My wife’s BF is livid and thinks our son owes her daughter an apology. My wife agrees and thinks, at a minimum, he needs to defend her against the b**lying. My son has said that for two years he has told her he is not interested and reiterated it over and over.

At this point, he thinks it’s kind of harassing to him and it is not his role to defend her harassment of him. I agree with my son. My wife and I have had a number of disagreements about it since it happened.

Well things have intensified in the last couple of weeks or so because another girl, who wife’s BF’s daughter apparently does not like, asked our son to be her date for the party and he agreed. They are doing a pretty dope couple’s costume.

This has really pissed off my wife because she thinks he should, at least, not go to the party with another girl out of respect. I think that is ridiculous. I plan on driving them to the party with me. My wife now does not want to go to the party and is saying I am an AH and raising our son to be one.. So, AITA?

Next update: https://aita.pics/yYpmB

These are the responses from Reddit users:

NagaApi8888 −  NTA. Tell your wife consent goes both ways. What if it had been a boy harassing her BF’s daughter for two years? Would she still push for the daughter to give that boy a chance, or to defend that boy, or force her not to go to a party with another boy ‘out of respect’?! She and the BF are perpetuating some pretty damaging behaviours in the BF’s daughter!!!!!

VegetableBusiness897 −  Ask your wife to please not pimp your son out to her besties daughter.

Ok_Childhood_9774 −  NTA, and your wife is being utterly ridiculous. She’s basically telling your son that he can date her best friend’s daughter or no one! The girl was bullied because of her own actions, not anything your son did. Keep sticking up for your son– I have a feeling he’s going to need your support!

Cute-Profession9983 −  NTA The sad thing is the BFF and wife have probably been filling this poor girl’s head with fantasies and are mad that he won’t just play along.

Boeing367-80 −  Mom is way out of line. Agree with whoever said this is harassment – it is. Mom and her friend see the harassment as “cute” and are far more concerned with the girl’s feelings (which are borderline stalkery) than those of OP’s son. And yes, no doubt the girl’s ears are being filled with all kinds of nonsense by her mother.

OP continue to support your son. He’s being harassed, and the fact that Mom and her friend are in the grips of some f**king teenage romance novel doesn’t make it any more acceptable.

But there’s a lesson here too: if someone is crushing on you, never, but never, agree to do anything couple-oriented with them “as friends”. That was a serious mistake right there. You are absolutely not doing them a favor. A person in the grip of a crush is often looking for any reason to believe it’s possible.

celticmusebooks −  OK let’s flip the genders here: If BF’s “son” was repeatedly pressuring your “daughter” to be in a romantic relationship with him despite her repeatedly saying “no” he’d be seen as a c**ep no questions asked. Why does the friend’s daughter get a pass here?

Thanks for stepping up and being the decent parent and reinforcing your son’s right to date someone of his own choice and not knuckle under to his mom’s fetish about mating him with her BFF’s daughter (that is so very, very creepy).

I’m going to suggest a LONG conversation with your wife about “consent” and “choice” and that unrequited crushes are just a part of the teen years and she needs to get over it and find a guy who is actually interested in her. I’d also mention that you have your son’s back 100% on this subject and will be keeping an eye on how she treats girls your son dates.

NTA unless “A” stands for “absolutely being a great parent”. Also, assuming this is a true story, the “couples” party for the 18 year old was really creepy as well– so the 18 year olds friends who didn’t have boyfriends/girlfriends didn’t get invited? Your wife’s friend sounds as wacky as your wife.

Salt_Warthog_5915 −  Honestly, your wife should be more concerned about teaching respect for boundaries than trying to force a connection that isn’t there. Supporting your son is the right move; it shows he can stand up for himself and choose who he spends time with.

rosyyyamethyst −  Your son has clearly communicated his lack of interest in his classmate multiple times. He deserves the right to make his own choices about who he spends time with, especially at a social event. Forcing him to apologize or not attend a party with someone else would undermine his autonomy.

rigbysgirl13 −  NTA.. AT ALL. How much have the two mothers been pouring crap into her ears? Because if a teenage boy was continuing to pursue a girl who had repeatedly told him she was not interested, we’d be calling him a stalker, wouldn’t we? We’d be talking about how r**ection hurts but must be dealt with in Life.

I feel like the two moms have fueled this, and now the poor girl has embarrassed *herself* and has to cope with it. I feel badly for her, because wow, that’s gotta hurt, but you son did nothing wrong. It might be cool of him to tell the bullies to back off.. Updateme.

mcmurrml −  Your wife is absolutely wrong to conspire with her friend to try to set her 15 year old up. That’s ridiculous! Now she says he owes it to this girl to not be seen with this other girl?? Tell her to knock off the BS and watch her behavior that she isn’t n**ty to this girl.