AITA for not supporting my ex best friend after my brother put her in the hospital?

A woman (late 20s) recounts a painful history of abuse from her older brother, who blamed her for their father’s absence and tormented her throughout her childhood. Her best friend Sammy, who had been a source of support, began dating the abusive brother at 16, leading to a fallout.

Years later, Sammy reached out after being hospitalized by the brother, seeking help and reconciliation. The woman rejected her pleas, holding onto the betrayal and refusing to support Sammy despite her dire situation. read the original story below…

‘ AITA for not supporting my ex best friend after my brother put her in the hospital?’

My brother was a d**k to me my whole life. He’s 2 years older and blamed me for his dad leaving (we have different dads). We were raised by mom who was very much checked out and that made me an easy target.

He wished me dead, called me a whore, he got other kids to b**ly me in school and every chance he got he told me he wished I wasn’t his sister. I had a best friend through all that. Sammy. Her dad and siblings were also really great and they took me in as family because they knew mine sucked.

When we were 16 Sammy betrayed me in the worst way by starting to date my brother. I told her I’d never forgive her. She tried to make it seem like I was the bad guy and how dare I tell her who she could and couldn’t date. She knew what my brother was like and still went and dated him.

I had to pull away from her family because I couldn’t be around her but I did tell her dad. Sammy hated me for it because her dad did everything to get her away from my brother. I got a call a couple of weeks ago and it was Sammy’s dad.

My brother put Sammy in the hospital and her dad wanted to give me a heads up in case my brother tried to come for me. Sammy tried reaching out but when I realized it was her calling I shut it down. She kept trying and I ignored and the blocked her.

She had her sister reach out and while we were talking she took the phone off her sister and she told me she needed me. I told her to go to hell. A few more attempts were made and then one of her siblings called while Sammy was there,

and they asked me how I could do that and shouldn’t I understand what my brother is like and be there for the girl who was there for me until she made a mistake. I said there was no coming back from it and I refused to believe she was manipulated.

That it was an easy cop out and I owe her nothing. They tried to insult me but I ended the call and blocked that number (I’ve had a long list of blocked numbers the last couple of weeks).. AITA?

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

TheSassiestPanda −  NTA – she went into that relationship with her eyes wide open knowing damn well how cruel he was to you, and now you’re supposed to pick up the pieces for her? Nope. She made her choices and has zero right to drag you back in his bs. Her circus, her monkeys.

Little-Martha31204 −  NTA. She wasn’t a friend to you, she should rely on all those family members she has harassing you.

Accomplished_Mud1658 −  they asked me how I could do that the same way she did that to you, and shouldn’t I understand what my brother is like yes, YOU WARNED HER. SHE SAW WHAT HE DID TO YOU.

And be there for the girl who was there for me and I thought she was in your brothers bed… do you guys share the same bed or I’m losing something?
until she made a mistake mistake is calling someone’s wrong name, not dating your abuser. NTA – like a said, send a official letter telling your gonna file for a restraining order if she keeps doing it.

Redd_roseee −  NTA. Your feelings are valid, and the betrayal you felt when she started dating your brother—someone who had actively hurt you for years—runs deep. It’s understandable that you don’t feel like you can be there for her now, even in her time of need.

I_wanna_be_anemone −  NTA She was warned, she saw first hand what he did to you, if she was delusional to think she could ‘change him’ then the consequences are on her alone. She has a family as a support network, you don’t. 

Petefriend86 −  NTA. She knew exactly what she was getting into by dating an abuser.

HUNGWHITEBOI25 −  Noooope. See Op here’s the thing, you didn’t say “i told you so…” to her, so by definition i think you’re in the clear. Your (former) best friend dated your vile, a**sive, b**ly of a brother knowing full well how he was, tried to make YOU the bad guy…and then has the nerve to come back to you after everything…

Naw NTA just curious though, you said her dad was fully on your side throughout this, what did he say about this whole situation?

Accomplished_Mud1658 −  Great. She betrayed before and now she’s harassing you. She wants to make a antifan club to him or what? NTA – please send a official letter that you will file a restraining order if she keeps doing this.

petalprincessshine −  Sammy had years to reach out, apologize, and try to make amends for what she did. Instead, she’s only coming to you now because she’s desperate, not because she genuinely wants to fix things.

It sucks that she’s in this situation, but it’s not your responsibility to fix her life. Especially when she had no problem choosing your abuser over you.

SeparateCzechs −  NTA. There is no doubt in my mind that your brother wooed Sammy not because he liked her, but because he knew it was the surest way to hurt you. Your brother is a known quantity. You can expect him to be cruel, and can guard your heart and personal safety.

Sammy was your bestie and knew all your brother has done to you. Her betrayal was a conscious choice in her part. Your brother is a known quantity to Sammy as well. She knew he was a cruel, violent b**tard when she decided to accept him. You were a known quantity to her as well.

She *knew* how deeply that would hurt you. She knew that it would cut you off from the affection and support of the rest of her family as well and she did it anyway. No d**k is worth that. Sammy’s siblings downplaying her betrayal and demanding that you support her is utter b**lshit and emotional b**ckmail.

She didn’t make a simple mistake. She made a choice she knew would devastate you. Demanding that you comfort her now is ludicrous. You’re not an a**hole. Sam’s dad is not an a**hole. He tried to stop it and warned you that you might be the next target.

Sam’s siblings are assholes and Sam is an infected a**l fissure. She knew your brother was venomous when she chose him. She can cry to anyone else on the damn planet for comfort but not to you.. Protect yourself, friend.

Is she right to stand her ground, or should she reconsider given Sammy’s circumstances? What would you do in her place? Share your thoughts below!