AITA for not splitting my college fund with my dad’s affair child?

A Reddit user, a young adult, expressed frustration over their father’s decision to introduce his secret son, Hank, born from an affair, into their lives after their parents’ divorce. The user, along with their siblings, has distanced themselves from their father, especially after he began pressuring their mother to include Hank as a beneficiary in their shared college fund.

This fund, established by their maternal grandparents and funded by their parents, was solely meant for the user and their siblings. The father has harassed their mother and even reached out to the user to push for Hank’s inclusion, stating that Hank deserves a share because he is also their father’s child.

The user feels that it’s unfair to split their college fund with Hank, who they don’t consider family, and is angry at the thought of their father trying to benefit Hank while disregarding the needs of his other children. read the original story below…

‘ AITA for not splitting my college fund with my dad’s affair child?’

My father dropped a big bomb on our family last year when he revealed that he had a secret son from his affair years ago. After my mom found out and gave him the ultimatum, he cut things off with the mistress and she moved away until last year when she introduced him to their son Hank.

I really don’t give a damn about his latent father instinct since he didn’t give his other family any consideration when he broke the news. Thank god my mom divorced him and now neither my brother Connor (M 18), sister Sophia (F 15), or I want anything to do with him anymore.

Here’s the thing though: We have a shared college fund that my mom’s parents set up for us when we were little. My parents contribute almost half of the money and my maternal grandparents contribute the other half. The account remains under my mom after the divorce. As far as I know, he stopped contributing to that account after the divorce.

Last month, I found out that my dad’s been harassing my mom because he wanted to add Hank as a beneficiary to the college fund for my siblings. He’s saying that Hank is his son and therefore e**itled to the college fund that he set up for me, Connor, and Sophia.

My mom told him off and now he has been going around harassing her online and to their mutual acquaintances and friends, claiming that she is “heartless and cruel for taking her anger out on an innocent child.” And then, he also had the genius idea to reach out to me to put pressure on my mom.

He said I should consider opening up my heart to Hank who grew up without a father and wasn’t set up in life like my siblings and me. I left him on read since honestly, the things I wanted to say to that callous evil monster may be too much.

Yesterday he changed tactics and now said he wanted to withdraw all his part of the money from the account, divided them to make sure Hank has his share and deposited the rest back into the account.

(With the caveat that since Connor and I didn’t need to use the college fund for tuition since we both had fullride scholarships, the money would be divided into 2 parts- for Hank and Sophia, instead of into 4 parts for his 4 children).

And now him, some of my dad’s side of the family, and even the mistress are pressuring my mom to agree to that. And I’m praying that she won’t. It physically makes me angry that we’re being asked to split our money with my dad’s affair child. Even if yes, I don’t need to use the money to pay for school, I will need it in the future.

Same with Connor! And I know for a fact he would never use the same reasoning to exclude Connor and I from the fund just to have the money solely for Sophia in the same situation. It’s all for Hank. I understand that Hank is innocent and not responsible for his parents’ actions but I don’t think of him as my brother.

Hell, I don’t even think of my father as my father anymore to be honest. As far as I’m concerned, my family consists of me, my siblings, and my mom. That’s it.. So, AITA?

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Special_Respond7372 −  NTA. He can deal with his s**tty decisions. The divorce is finalized. He can’t go back and change the terms now. Additionally, it sounds like he didn’t put in most of the money. It sounds like at most he put in 25%. Either way, he no longer has any claim to it. He can take out loans for Hank.

Tricky-Jellyfish-341 −  Here is all that matters: the court gave the money to your mom. Make sure she doesn’t cave to pressure. If your dad gets any money from the account, it will be your mother’s fault. Tell your dad he’s s free to take out as many loans as he needs to fund Hank’s education.

Kami_Sang −  NTA – that was an investment made by your parents during their marriage to benefit their 3 kids. The court left it with your Mom. Your Dad has no entitlement to those funds. They are solely for the benefit of you, Connor and Sophia.

accidentallywitchy −  NTA at all. Where does your father get the idea that HE set up this fund when it was your grandparents on your mom’s side ? Do his family members know the whole story ?

DestronCommander −  NTA. The fund was meant for you and your siblings. It’s likely his mistress been pressuring him to setup a college fund for Hank and he doesn’t have any money. Don’t give in.

mdthomas −  This sounds like a situation where consulting a lawyer would be helpful.. NTA

ironchef8000 −  NTA. Your dad is turning his own messed up situation into a worse one.

Antelope_31 −  Nta. He gets no vote- your mom has all the say because it was kept entirely in her name for the 3 of you in the divorce. His opinions are irrelevant. His pitiful pleas and b**lying and emotional manipulation and allies joining in- especially the mistress behind all of this greed- are irrelevant.

This was set up by your maternal grandparents who are no relation to the secret child. It was intended for THEIR grandchildren, equally. Contributions made by anyone were gifts to the preexisting beneficiaries only. Not Hank. Not your problem or responsibility in any way. You should not be penalized for earning a scholarship.

Your mom needs a backbone and an attorney, and to block all further contact with this man who only wants to steal from 3 of hugs kids to appease the e**itled mistress. His other child is e**itled to 1/4 of what his estate would be if he passed today. Unless he married the mistress.

Then she probably would get it all if in the US and cut any inheritance from kids that she has zero relation to- including you. Get your money asap and put it in a trust or buy a home /real estate with it in your name only. And make sure you make a will as well and name your beneficiaries, too. He cannot pull “his” money out …because it’s not his.

throwaway-rayray −  NTA – the divorce is final. OP’s mum (whose parents started this whole thing) has stewardship of the account. It belongs to her (and *her* children). I assume OP’s mum can’t just block him due to the under age kid. However, there are parenting custody apps that would limit the amount of harassment she has to put up with.

I hope the affair baby is worth the relationship with all of his other children – because that’s the decision he’s making going after their college funds and harassing them.

ClassicTrue9276 −  NTA. He needs to pay for his child himself.