AITA for not sharing my groceries/ food with my family?

A Reddit user shared their struggle with food insecurity while living with their family. As a college student with a part-time job, they have limited money and find it difficult to focus on school due to hunger. The family’s food situation is tense, with siblings eating whatever food is available, and the user feels guilty for not wanting to share the little food they have. They are torn between feeling selfish and trying to survive while dealing with the stress of their situation. Read the full story below to understand their dilemma.

‘ AITA for not sharing my groceries/ food with my family?’

So as we all know, everything is SO expensive including groceries. It doesn’t help that I live in an expensive state. I’m in college and I commute and I also work. I don’t make a lot of money. My parents like to think we’re not that poor but we are. The fridge is empty right now and I’m not even joking. Just soy sauce, 2 jug of milk and mayonnaise.

My mom scolds and yells at my siblings when someone hides food when we have some but can you blame them? Also my sibling eat food just because it’s there. Think about it this way, if my mom bought a box of cookies and their are 4 left, even if your not hungry or don’t want any they feel obligated to eat it cause they know that next siblings will eat them all. But if the pantry always have that box of cookies stocked I know for a fact no one else would act like a s**age and it will last.

I have $20 and was thinking about getting pasta, cheap rotisserie chicken and sauce to make something to eat but that means that I have to share. Yes, if you make something, you have to make some for everyone. I feel super guilty cause I don’t want to share with anyone else. I use to be fit and worked hard to gain weight and I lost it all cause there’s no food. I’m struggling in school cause I can’t concentrate.

I want to go to store and make something cheap and I literally don’t want to share with anyone else at all. My mom said that we all have to look out for each other but in my head it’s survival of the fittest. Can you blame me? I don’t qualify for foodstamps if anyone wants to know. At work I “eat” in my car cause most of the time I either didn’t bring anything or it’s just white rice.

My job had a holiday dinner when everyone had to bring in one food dish. I lied and said I forgot and told everyone that I brought lunch and just sat in my car till my break is over. I just want to graduate college and become a doctor but that’s not going to happen. I can’t do this anymore. I’m literally failing and struggling. I don’t want to share food with anyone else at all and I hate that I feel this way. AITA?

Check out how the community responded:

WhereWeretheAdults −  NTA. Starvation makes desperate people. Why is your mom not on government support? If she can’t feed her dependent children, this is a major issue, separate from yours. If this is a pride thing, this may actually be worthy of CPS. She is literally starving her children if what you are saying is true.

As for you, see if your college has a food pantry. Use it. Get on the internet and find every local food bank and put them on rotation. Look for any and every chance to get a free meal. Colleges often offer free breakfast or free lunch for various things. Take advantage of it. Lose any pride you may have over this. Your goal is to get your degree. Then you can donate to those places that supported you.

November-8485 −  Info: have you looked into churches and food banks? Why don’t you qualify for food stamps? Do your parents qualify for food stamps?

Aromatic_Recipe1749 −  NTA but pride is a pretty stupid reason to let your kids starve.  nIt sounds like your siblings are younger than you are. There are all kinds of free lunch and breakfast programs at school. Please,  all the school and talk to anyone in authority about the situation. Those kids should be able to get a good meals a day at school. Speak to the counselors and social workers if the school has them. They will know what’s available in school and, in the case of the SW out of school.

Find a local food bank. Search on line. There is a program near my that is open 3 days a week, they sell 2-3 bags of groceries (random donations) for $6 total! There are neighborhood cupboards in some cities. Watch the ads, sometimes pasta goes on sale for $1 a box. A couple of lbs of pasta, a little butter and maybe a sprinkle of cheese should fill every belly. 

Alternative_Sand_743 −  You aren’t an a**hole. You are just a kid who is scared and neglected. I don’t blame you kids for being possessive and greedy over food, you don’t know where your next meal will come from. None of you kids deserve to live like that, and I’m so so sorry that you and your siblings have to go through that.

QXYZ696 −  The college you are attending should have a food pantry on campus. They usually have a 1 day a week free food items day too.

The_Bunny_Brat −  NTA. Frankly, you might consider eating the rotisserie chicken in the car. No, you shouldn’t have to do that, but it sounds like you’re literally starving. I’d also suggest hitting up whatever food banks or community food pantries you have nearby.

Tell them your household size & you can get plenty of basics (pasta, rice, beans, cereal, sometimes vegetables & meat) to help lessen the strain. Even some gyms like YMCA provide a food pantry. You don’t need to explain where the food came from. Frankly, your parents are putting their pride above their children.

Accomplished_Ad2747 −  NTA you are a realist. A half starved realist. Also don’t beat yourself up, it sounds like the house rules aren’t practical for your families circumstances.

rebelcompass −  NTA. I experienced a somewhat similar survival mode type situation when I was younger and it’s extremely hard. It shouldn’t be this way but there are two things to do, the first is practical solutions to make sure you are getting enough to eat right now and the second is changing your circumstances.

First off, practical things. Canned soups can be single serving and cheap to stretch your money. Find other shelf stable things you can acquire in single servings like cup o noodles. Something to abate the hunger but stretches your money. It sucks, but experiment to see if you can find flavors that you can handle but that everyone else dislikes, it will limit them taking your food. Pasta is also something that you can make last a long time that is really filling.

If you have control over a car, you can also hide food inside the trunk in the spare tire well or under the seats. Go by the grocery store in the evening, at that point, delis will mark down leftovers from the deli counter and you can get things cheaper.

Second, explore options with social services or workforce development programs. My spouse did a workplace training program that included a grocery stipend. This can help you with your job options and with getting food.
Food pantries and kitchens can help.

As long as you can keep your living situation viable, put everything into setting yourself up to leave. I know student loans are terrifying but it can be manageable. I have student loans and I’ll be paying them off for a long time but it’s how I got out. I got out, got to school and got a job. Paying the student loan sucks but it was the cost of freedom. My spouse did a workforce training program to go into a trade. Either way can work.

I’m sorry you’re going through this and in a way that makes you feel alone instead of part of a family working together to survive. Don’t let your parents’ pride and fear keep you down. Use social services, use your resources. You don’t have to live like this forever.

DangerousAd1986 −  NTA. Get food you can microwave at work. DoorDash or instacart to make more money if you have access to a car. Look into local pantries to help get your family food. If you want. Sorry you’re struggling. Your parents s**k if they refuse to acknowledge they are poor.

Deep-Ad-5571 −  Considering working in a sit-down restaurant. Decent tips and free meals.