AITA for not sending enough essentials with my kids for their half siblings?

A father shares 50-50 custody of his children and sends them with essentials, but his ex-wife asks him to provide for her younger children too, citing their financial struggles. He refuses, believing it’s not his responsibility, which leads to an argument over Christmas. Now, he’s questioning if he’s in the wrong for not sending more for his ex-wife’s children. Read the original story below…

‘ AITA for not sending enough essentials with my kids for their half siblings?’

I (33m) shared 50-50 custody of my children 11m, 10f and 8m, with my ex-wife. My ex is remarried and has an additional two children under the age of three with her husband. They are struggling financially. They cannot afford to meet the needs of the children. The courts are aware of this and have not, will not, give me full custody.

Instead they are encouraged to seek resources and I am encouraged to ensure my kids are taken care of all the time even if not in my custody. Because of this I send my kids with certain essentials like easy foods to eat and a few extra clothes and toiletries. My ex has asked me to send them with formula, diapers or toddler friendly foods before and I ignore her.

I only make sure my kids have those things. I know she and her husband get a lot of help to provide better and I do not feel like it should be on me to make sure their two kids are taken care of. But my ex had a fit over Christmas about our kids getting nice gifts and going to her house with food she and her husband couldn’t provide and she told me I was being a d**k and petty with children who never harmed me in any way.

I told her the job is hers and her husband’s to ensure they are taken care of. She told me I can afford it. I could do it and be kind and make sure our kids don’t see their half siblings as lesser because they don’t get as much.

I told my ex she had some nerve expecting me to fix her mistakes and this only pissed her off more. But her financial situation was never the best and she decided to grow her family anyway. That wasn’t a decision I had any say or part of. AITA for not doing more for the other two children?

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

DelayHefty644 −  NTA. Not your kids, not your problem. You’re already doing right by sending stuff for your own kids. Your ex and her new husband chose to have more kids while broke – that’s on them. Keep taking care of your three. Their money issues aren’t yours to fix.

Connect_Tackle299 −  Nta. If she can’t afford all the kids then she has the option of limited custody. There are resources out there as well along with hard decisions of one or both parents taking a second job depending on child care

You can’t bank roll their situation, they are in the situation because they didn’t think it through and now aren’t even trying to do better. Enabling won’t help they will just accept they can ask and someone provide.

jjbrowne −  NTA. How did she find herself with 5 kids and in this situation. It’s a shame that people bring children into this world when they are not capable of looking after them. You helping out with your kids should alleviate things and help them buy those essentials for the younger kids.

Admirable-Onion- −  NTA, the other kids aren’t your responsibility, and I think it’s nuts the courts won’t give you custody when they know their mother can’t provide for them.

redelectro7 −  INFO: Do the courts know she is making requests for you to buy formula and diapers for her kids?

NaturesVividPictures −  NTA. I really hope she’s not taking things away from your kids. I mean anything they bring with them she probably confiscates and uses for the two other kids really expecting you to send diapers and formula for the young ones is absolutely crazy.

But you say she’s already hooked up with organizations and stuff so either she’s not getting enough or they used too much. But her younger kids are not your responsibility. Her or her husband can go out and get a second job if they’re so strapped for money. You don’t keep spitting out kids if you can’t afford the three you already have.

MaoMaoNeko-chi −  You said the court has already been involved and isn’t doing a thing other than telling you to pay for more and spend the same amount of time. I’d honestly call CPS as they quite literally cannot feed nor properly take care of their five children.

If it gets to the point where they have to ask other people to buy groceries and supplies for them, they aren’t fit to have as many, if not any, children under their custody. Fight for your children, if this keeps going this way your ex will go “family shares everything” as her youngest grow older and will make your children share (read: give) their stuff with their half siblings.

She might even take the food you give your children and eat it themselves or try to sell your children’s stuff “because they don’t need so much stuff”, or “it’s not ok they have nice things while their half siblings don’t have enough to eat”, etc. Stop this before it gets to this point. Fight for your children and continue to provide and care for them, because your ex clearly doesn’t. NTA

Analyzer9 −  “I’m sorry. If you would like to notify of the court charged with our custody arrangement of your inability to provide for your children, we can get this done properly.”

Ok_Childhood_9774 −  NTA. If she can afford to have them, she should be able to afford to care for them. You don’t mention any sudden disability or health issues, so I would continue to care for your children and let her and her husband worry about theirs.

Allyredhen79 −  You have been ordered by the court to make sure that your kids are provided for when they aren’t with you, as far as I can see that’s all you are doing.
If she is causing problems for your kids by you doing this, then this is something the court needs to know.

The courts job is to act in the best interests of your kids and if she’s making their life’s tough when she has them then they need to reconsider whether 50:50 is a realistic option. Make sure you are recording her attempts to make you buy diapers etc for kids that aren’t yours, and provide it to the judge.

When it comes to blended families and finances, where should the line be drawn between helping out and respecting boundaries? Share your perspective below!