AITA for not responding when someone doesn’t use my actual name?

A 16-year-old foster kid, Nico, faces ongoing disregard from some extended family members of his foster family, who insist on calling him “Nicholas” despite knowing his actual name.

Ignoring them after countless corrections, Nico’s foster parents support his decision, while others criticize him for being “rude” and ignoring their “advice” to adopt a “more professional” name. Read the original story below…

 

‘ AITA for not responding when someone doesn’t use my actual name?’

My (16m) name is Nico and it’s not short for anything. On my birth certificate it says Nico middle name last name. This is something a few people can’t understand and some people call me Nicholas. Even teachers who see me on the class list as Nico and not Nicholas. I’m a foster kid.

I’ve been in the system since I was 2. My mom is the only bio family I know but she’s not able to take care of me. I see her twice a year through court ordered visits. But nobody in her family and I don’t have anything to do with my paternal side.

I’ve been with my current foster family for three years and I’m really happy with my foster parents and foster siblings. My foster parents actually want to help the kids they foster and their kids are cool with their parents fostering and don’t b**ly me or others for stealing their families.

So I hope I get to stay until I age out of the system. My only problem is some of their extended family are snobs and they don’t like calling me Nico. So they call me Nicholas even after being corrected a million times. My foster parents have explained that my name is actually Nico, not Nicholas.

But the reply is always “But Nico is short for Nicholas!” A couple of the extended family have encouraged me to change my name because Nicholas sounds much more professional for an adult male, which I will be soon. I was like no thanks.

My foster parents told me I should ignore whenever someone calls me Nicholas now. Unless they’re new and just assume. But I can ignore their family members who do it. So that’s what I did. I’ve ignored them a handful of times now and it bothers them so much.

Yesterday it happened twice because one kept trying to call “Nicholas” over and I just didn’t go. The other asked “Nicholas” to pass the potatoes at dinner and I kept eating and didn’t pass anything.

I was then called out for ignoring them and my foster parents said nobody knew who they were talking to because there was no Nicholas at the table. One of my foster sisters said she assumed it was her “Nicole” and they got confused and that’s why she passed it instead.

I was told I should be more open to the wisdom others offer with name suggestions and stop being rude by ignoring people. Even though my foster parents backed me up again. It made me feel a way because this really is my best foster experience and I don’t want to p**s off people in my foster family.. So AITA?

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

WhiteKnightPrimal −  NTA. Your foster parents sound great and clearly have your interests at heart. Even the other kids, at least one anyway, are standing up for you. Your name is Nico. Not Nicholas. It’s extremely rude and disrespectful to deliberately call you by a name that isn’t yours, especially with repeated corrections.

It’s even more rude and disrespectful to practically demand you change your name from something you like and see as yours to something you don’t like and don’t want. There’s also nothing wrong with Nico as a name. Sure, it’s not common, but it’s not really weird, either.

Your name is your name and no one else gets to demand it be something different or call you by a name that isn’t yours. Keep listening to your foster parents, it’s them and their kids you want a good relationship with, not so much the extended family.

And if you back down now, the extended family will never respect you and will continue to demand you change things they don’t like against your will. Continue ignoring anyone who calls you by the wrong name unless it’s an honest mistake.

Continue listening to your foster parents and letting them stand up for you, that’s part of their job as foster parents, and they’re proving they’re great at it.

Ok_Conversation9750 −  NTA. I’m glad your foster parents have your back. What they told you to do is exactly what I had to do for years. My last name (maiden name) was a very common first name as well. Lots of people would call me by my last name.

I would ignore them until they called me either Ms. Last Name, or just by my first name. I guess since I did it as an adult in work settings, I didn’t get s**t for it like your relatives are doing, but the message was finally received and respected.

Orphen_1989 −  NTA, keep ignoring them when they call you ‘Nicholas’ However I would add something, think up a different name for all of the people who keep calling you Nicholas. For example, Aunt Elizabeth is now Aunt Betty. Uncle Thomas is now Uncle Tommy.

Even better if you can make it longer in stead of shorter like for example Grandma Rose is now Grandma Rosemary. If they get angry with you just say. “I think these names are much better and easyer to say, they will help you in life. You should take advise from someone who is better up to date with modern society.”

Tarik861 −  NTA. Your foster parents sound like winners. Listen to them and make sure they are in the loop. As long as you are happy and they are happy, who gives a rats patoot about what “extended family” think. The other thing you might consider is getting the offender’s name wrong when you reply.

“Nicolas, would you pass the potatoes”? “You bet, Mrs. Farnsworth-Wiggington. Here you go”.. “Nicolas, that’s not my name” “Oh, I thought we were all making up new names for each other.” (I realize the dynamics of being a foster child can be unique and difficult; again, as long as your foster parents are good, you are going to be fine.)

Moppermonster −  NTA. Nico is a perfectly fine complete name, meaning “victory”. I hope you will victorious in your battle to get others to use your name properly.

Linkcott18 −  Nico can also be short for Nicolai, Nicola, Nicolo, Nicolas, Nicodemus, Nicolaus, Nicolaas, Nicomedes, etc., but… There are plenty of other people just named Nico.. I don’t get what the problem is?. NTA

Aviendha3711 −  NTA – however if you wanted to be petty, you could change their names slightly.

FinanciallySecure9 −  NTA My name has an S in it, and people have always made that S a Z, and I hate it. In high school, I did exactly as you did. It didn’t stop people, so I started calling them by a name that was close to theirs, but not quite.

Like, teachers, I’d call them by their first name, not their proper salutation. That actually got them to stop. Once I became an adult, people were much more respectful.. Your feelings matter too.

HungryTeap0t −  NTA. It sounds like your foster parents are pissed on your behalf. They could step in, but you’re at an age where you should be standing up for yourself. They’re aware you might not feel comfortable doing so, so they’ve told you it’s ok because they’re annoyed too.

This is also important because some kids don’t get taught that they are allowed to stand up for themselves and they become adults who don’t know how to stand up for themselves. They want you to be able to stand up for yourself, with their support.

They’re probably more pissed off than they let on about those family members calling you the wrong name.

Objective-Resident-7 −  I would elongate the names of those who misuse your name.. Jimolomew.. Sarantha.. See how they like it.. NTA

Should Nico stand firm in his identity, or is he overreacting to well-meaning advice? Share your thoughts below!