AITA for not reacting properly to my friend group’s “Suprise AirBnB” booking?

A Reddit user shares their frustration over a “surprise Airbnb” booking by their friend group, only to find out it was actually their friends’ newly purchased house. Miscommunication and secrecy caused tension leading up to their annual Secret Santa event. Was their reaction to this “surprise” reasonable, or did they overreact? Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for not reacting properly to my friend group’s “Suprise AirBnB” booking?’

**\[Context\]** every year our friend group hosts a Secret Santa event. A major part of this tradition involves booking an Airbnb where most of us (around 12 people) plan to stay, though not everyone ends up sleeping there. Typically, we spend a few hours on Discord searching for Airbnbs that meet our criteria—location, capacity, budget, etc.—and bookmarking options for further review.

This year, our entire friend group followed the usual process, spending hours searching through listings and bookmarking potential choices to revisit later. Then, about two weeks ago, half of the group (let’s call them Group B) suddenly stopped communicating with us (Group A) and went completely silent on Discord for an entire week.

This abrupt change left Group A confused, prompting us to ask questions about what was going on and why Group B had stopped communicating with us. Suddenly, a few days later, Group B’s main planner—the person who typically leads our event coordination—announced that he had booked a “surprise” Airbnb that was within budget and located in a great area.

While Group A appreciated the effort, we requested more details, wanting at least some basic information about the place. However, the planner refused to provide any specifics, repeatedly responding with “trust me” and informing us that each participant would need to contribute $60 (more details on that later).

As days passed, Group A grew increasingly confused and uneasy about this Airbnb, which we were expected to help pay for, without any assurance or photos of what we were actually funding. Then, a friend close to some members of Group B (we’ll call him “J”) let us know that the planner had recently purchased a house where everyone in Group B would be moving in

While we recognized this as an impressive feat for Group B, we were still confused by their continued insistence on presenting it as an Airbnb that we needed to contribute 60$/person toward. With this information, Group A tried to get confirmation from Group B, but they wouldn’t budge, even as the Secret Santa event came closer. J also told us that part of the so-called “surprise” was that we wouldn’t actually need to pay anything, since the planner owned the house.

Finally, last night, Group B revealed the truth: they had moved into a newly acquired house, and it would be the location for our Secret Santa event. Group A wasn’t thrilled about the week of lies and secrecy over something we had initially believed was an Airbnb we were expected to fund. Group B is not happy with us, claiming that we acted essentially like babies for not being more supportive of their actions in getting this house for our event. AITA for making them feel disappointed in us by reacting in a disgruntled/annoyed manner?

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

StAlvis −  NTA this is weird AF ~~INFO~~. The planner had recently purchased a house where everyone in Group B would be moving in. Wh… *why?* Are you guys, like, YouTube influencers or something?

Feelinggross99 −  NTA. It’s weird that this was a secret. Presumably if Group A had simply been told Group Bs plan from the beginning there would be no issue. Anyone in group B could have come forward and said “Hey, we’re all going in on a house together so finances are tight.

But there’s plenty of space so we’re happy to host and save everyone the extra cost this year.” Easy grown up discussion. If you all want to stay friends I’d try to discuss why it felt uncomfortable but otherwise chalk it up to poor communication on their part and move on.

ratchetology −  This is a very confusing story.

applebum8807 −  INFO: This is formatted kind of strangely to the point it’s confusing. Are you in group A? You also only specify what the “groups” did and not specifically your actions, the latter of which we are supposed to be judging.

Discount_Mithral −  NTA. The lack of communication and transparency when directly requested is total BS. Their name calling was projection of their own actions here. While it would have been fun to surprise people with “So, we bought a house!! And we want to host!” them doubling down on radio silence here was the AH move.

I’d speak with the remainder of group A and find a way to make a joint statement that addresses the secrecy and lies about how they handled what should have otherwise been something to celebrate.

Bids19 −  TBH, I think you were totally justified in feeling the way you did. Clear communication is CRUCIAL, especially when it involves money and group decisions. For Group B to keep everyone in the dark, refusing to share even basic details and expecting you all to just ‘trust them’… that’s a massive red flag right there. Surprises are one thing, but when it involves planning and contributions, transparency is key.

If you ask me, the reaction from your group (Group A) was a reasonable response to their lack of transparency. You were essentially being asked to fund something without any real context. This isn’t about not being grateful; it’s about having reasonable expectations and respecting everyone’s input in the planning process. If Group B can’t understand that, then maybe they need to reflect on the importance of open communication in group planning!

Remote-Passenger7880 −  their continued insistence on presenting it as an Airbnb that we needed to contribute 60$/person toward. J also told us that part of the so-called “surprise” was that we wouldn’t actually need to pay anything. So are you expected to pay or not???

Cangal39 −  NTA refusing to answer reasonable questions and lying about it makes this guy and his group the AHs. It’s a really weird thing to try and surprise people over too.

Stranger0nReddit −  INFO: Is this an AirBNB that’s just booked for like a day for the secret santa event, or are you staying multiple days? Is it local or is it meant to be like a trip? Do you know if this friend’s new house meets the criteria you normally look for in an airbnb?

Hachi_Ryo_Hensei −  Man, what an exhausting way to live.