AITA for not providing any kind of extra support for my kids other household?

The original poster (OP) shares custody of their two children (11F and 8M) with an ex-spouse who remarried into a financially strained blended family. Despite court-mandated child support of $150/month—repeatedly deemed sufficient by judges—the ex demands additional money for her stepchildren’s needs, from birthday gifts to school lunches. OP’s refusal to subsidize the ex’s household has escalated tensions, with the ex labeling them a “monster” for not alleviating her family’s struggles.

‘ AITA for not providing any kind of extra support for my kids other household?’

Expert Opinions:

Legal vs. Moral Obligations
Family law attorney Marcia Zug, author of You’ll Do, clarifies: “Child support is strictly for the biological children’s needs, not step-siblings. Courts have ruled OP’s obligations are met. The ex’s demands conflate legal responsibility with emotional guilt-tripping.”

Blended Family Financial Dynamics
Financial therapist Lindsay Bryan-Podvin notes in Forbes: “Blended families often face resource tension. OP’s ex is projecting her household’s financial stress onto them, but it’s her and her spouse’s job to budget—not OP’s to subsidize.”

Boundaries in Co-Parenting
Dr. Carla Marie Manly, clinical psychologist, stresses: “OP’s refusal to fund stepchildren isn’t cruelty—it’s boundary-setting. Giving in would enable dependency and erode the ex’s accountability.”

Solutions Proposed by Experts:

• Stick to Court Orders: Zug advises OP to redirect all financial requests to legal channels, avoiding informal payments.
• Emphasize Child-Centric Support: Bryan-Podvin suggests OP document expenses for their own kids to reinforce that support is being used appropriately.
• Mediation for Communication: Dr. Manly recommends a neutral mediator to address the ex’s resentment without financial concessions.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Reddit users are overwhelmingly supportive of the father’s decision. Many argue that he is fulfilling his duty to his children and that his ex-wife’s financial struggles are not his responsibility. Some express sympathy for the other children but agree that their care should fall on their biological parents, not an ex-husband. A few users suggest that if his children feel guilty or uncomfortable, a small voluntary act of kindness might help ease tension—but only if he chooses to do so.

This conflict pits financial responsibility against familial empathy. OP’s ex conflates legal obligations with moral ones, but courts have drawn a clear line: child support is for shared children, not their step-siblings. While the ex’s desperation is understandable, her demands overreach. Was OP wrong to prioritize their own kids’ stability, or should they have softened their stance for the sake of harmony?