AITA for not paying to change my father’s gravely insulting gravestone?

A Redditor shares a complicated family situation surrounding their father’s gravestone, which has been inscribed with the phrase “In loving memory of John Doe, son, husband, father and adulterer.” Following a bitter marriage and an affair that left his mother heartbroken, the user’s father passed away unexpectedly. Now, the father’s family and his pregnant partner are upset and want the gravestone changed, but the user believes it accurately reflects who he was.

‘ AITA for not paying to change my father’s gravely insulting gravestone?’

My father and mother had a very bitter marriage towards the end of his life, he had a long running affair with another married co-worker and got her pregnant before he passed. He was planning to leave mom, skip the country and move to Canada to start a new life with her. They had a house picked out and all.

He had moved out and was living with his co-worker when he suddenly died of a heart attack while having s**. Divorce papers were never filed, no legal separation. They were in the process of moving all things legal. But on paper, they were still happily married.

Now me and my siblings are already out of home, our youngest sibling is 19 and is in college. I work for a tech company and I’m currently back in my hometown helping my mom manage his estate. Well, my mom was hurt and petty and marked his gravestone as “In loving memory of John Doe, son, husband, father and adulterer.”

My dad’s family and his pregnant partner are mad and want me to fix it. I personally think its fine, that’s who he was. He was all of those things. And since it’s my mom’s plot, I can’t do anything.. AITA?

Check out how the community responded:

NatureWoman22 −  I would DIE (no pun intended) if I was walking through a cemetery and saw that! Your mom is an icon. NTA. I hope she burns his old shirts or something.
Also, while going through estate papers and talking to lawyers, ask about what rights the side piece will have in claiming money for her kid, since it was your dad‘a kid too. Just so you’re all prepared.

dodo_273 −  NTA. “nd since it’s my mom’s plot, I can’t do anything.” … So: Not even your drama.. ​. “My dad’s family and his pregnant partner are mad and want me to fix it.” – Stay out of it. Tell them to talk to your mom.

[Reddit User] −  NTA your moms a straight bad ass though 😂

KarenOfRequirement −  I dig it.

KarenOfRequirement −  “Checkmate”. \- OP’s Mom

No-Policy-4095 −  NTA – it’s not yours, it’s your mom’s to deal with. She’s given her answer on the matter, so it’s closed. If they’re so offended by the accurate description, then perhaps they should go buy a park bench at a park and dedicate it to him how they want to dedicate it to him and go there to “visit” him…this is so not your problem at all.. BTW, your mom is awesome.

ThrowRA1039485 −  NTA. He decided for a long time that he wanted to be an adulterer rather than file divorce papers. That leaves everybody with little legal recourse and there isn’t much you can do.

DaLoCo6913 −  NTA, buy your mom dinner.

Finalbladestyle −  NTA
Not your problem in all honesty. Though that’s some petty revenge on your mother’s part. Funny as heck though.

KitIungere −  NTA. It’s a bit petty on your mother’s part. Personally I wouldn’t have paid for a stone at all, but that’s her business I guess. I would have gone with the cheapest possible option. Probably Cremation and mail the box of ashes to the other woman to do whatever with.

Was the user justified in supporting their mother’s choice for the gravestone, or should they intervene to honor their father’s memory in a more positive light? How do you navigate the complex feelings surrounding family legacies? Share your thoughts below!