AITA for not paying for our son’s college tuition after he blew his money when he was 18, despite being able to afford it.

A father withheld financial support for his son’s college tuition after giving him complete control over a college fund at 18. The son, now 20, spent the money on travel and personal experiences.

When the son asked for help with tuition later, the father refused, stating that they had made it clear the fund was intended for college but left the choice to him. While the wife feels they should pay for his education to secure his future, the father insists that actions have consequences, and the son should learn from his choices.

Some argue the father is being too rigid, while others say the lesson in responsibility is important.

‘ AITA for not paying for our son’s college tuition after he blew his money when he was 18, despite being able to afford it.’

So at 18 we gave our son his college fund, told him he can do as he pleases with it. He choose to spend if traveling and finding himself over the last two years. He is 20 now and wishes to go to school, and asked us to pay for his tuition. When I asked what happened to the money he told us the above.

I said no, and told him if he wants to go to school better get a job. My wife wants to pay it for his future, I said no we did right and he chose otherwise. AITA. Edit: We did inform him that the money was his to use. Be it for college or w/e. It was his money after all, we set it aside for him.

We did explain the intent but he is an adult and he was free to use it as he pleases, just understand the consequences. Edit: 18 is an adult in my eyes, and old enough to understand actions have consequences. We informed him what the intent was for, and that we would not police him over it. End of the it was his money and he was free to use it he pleases sorry if I did not explain this properly before hand.

Edit: My son knows what I do for a living. That said what I did was exactly what my dad. I also did not use it to go to school I used it as a down-payment on two houses and rented them out, and asked him for help.My son was free to do the same.

He may not have the knowledge or impulse control but he is told enough to know it is okay to ask for help if he is unsure how to use said money or had no idea what to do with his life. I am not a monster and he knows this. He could have just asked hey I want to travel how can I best go about that.

Had he asked I would have let’s do x y and z with your money then I would have given some money to travel. We did the same with his car, he wanted a car we told him to save. When he saved up an amount needed to buy a car, I told him to keep at and we bought him a car. He knows I do not do think solely to be a cruel monster.

He had a bunch of options he choose the worse one, but I was not going to forcely interject my views on him if he did not want to come ask me for help. The fact he did not meant to me he did not want my guidance.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Majestic_Distance991 ( Top 1 ) says

NTA. But seriously, did you actually expect an 18 year old to make good choices with that kind of money?

C_Majuscula ( Top 2 ) says

NTA. He spent the college fund. It’s not a magic well of money that replenishes itself. That being said, did no one bring this up with him over the two years he spent the money? Did he not mention it? Seems like a communication gap.

thirdtryisthecharm ( Top 3 ) says

What did you do prior to that to prepare him for money management and the HUGE responsibility you just dumped on him?

[deleted] ( Top 4 ) says

One of the best things a parent can do is pass down financial literacy to their child. These are taught in lessons not by handing over a lump sum of money. Remember majority of lottery winners spend the money within 10 years.

Fianna9 ( Top 5 ) says

ESH- you gave what sounds like a massive amount of money to a very young man with no worldly experience and let him go. Of course he blew the money. You say at 18 he was an adult- what did you do to prepare him for the Real World and what would happen when that money was gone?

Did you talk about options or “just let him make his own choices” Sounds like you shoved him out of the nest and are shocked he crashed.

Penguin_Doctor ( Top 6 ) says

Pretty dumb for giving him the money and letting him do whatever with it with no guidance, but NTA for not paying for his tuition now. No one is owed their further education. It’ll do him good to realize how he messed up and rectify his own mistakes with hard work and perseverance.

Philip_J_Fry3000 ( Top 7 ) says

In what world is giving an 18 year old the his college fund and telling him to do as he pleases with it the right thing? The right thing would have been telling him he could only use it for his intended purpose and only dispense it as needed. YTA

chingness ( Top 8 ) says

ESH – you should have taught him better and discussed the options with him. He could have travelled cheaply and still had money for college. Also you called it a college fund so why on earth would you give him it all at 18 and say do what you want with it and not say anything when he made a choice not to save any for college?

He is being e**titled expecting you to pay when he’s spent money on himself for 2 years. The end result is he’s in the same position as many kids his age and he’ll manage if he wants to and works hard enough just as they will

Fluffy-Writer-4008 ( Top 9 ) says

ESH. You don’t owe him more money, and he chose to spend what you gave him. But you’re being a d**ck now just to prove a point. Why not tell him to take out loans and you will repay half or all of the classes he passes if he gets a degree.

Throw him a bone. He’s your friggin son and one could argue that giving an 18 year old a large sum of money and saying “do what you want” is not the best parenting.

FoggyDaze415 ( Top 10 ) says

You said you explained it to him but when he was growing up did you teach him how to budget? Did you show him how the world works? Or was he a kid who had an allowance and when he ran out of allowance he could just ask for more? If it was the second then you really messed up.

A job as a parent is to teach your children how to handle things. And 18 one does not suddenly become an expert in all things. You need to be guided. If you’re never taught how to do your laundry you do not magically know how to do laundry at 18. If you are not taught how to cook you do not magically know how to cook when you turn 18.

If you are not taught how to manage money and deal with finances you do not magically know how to do it at 18. The brain does not stop developing until 25 so while you might see him as an adult he does not have the same impulse control as an adult would at 18.

18 is only seen as an adult because the government has picked it as the arbitrary number that young people can get killed for their country.