AITA for not paying for not giving up to my brother's tantrums?

Buying a house is a huge milestone—one that represents years of hard work and sacrifice. But what happens when your own family decides they have a right to your success? That’s exactly what happened to Original Poster (OP), who bought a dream home for herself after working tirelessly to achieve financial independence.

Unfortunately, her jobless brother, who already has five kids (and counting), assumed that OP would just give him her house—all because their mother told him so. Now, OP is being pressured by her entire family to hand over her home, and after refusing, she’s been cut off and disowned. Is OP in the wrong, or is her family’s entitlement completely out of control? Let’s break it down.

‘AITA for not paying for not giving up to my brother’s tantrums?’

Expert Opinion:

The Toxic Trap of Family Guilt

Dr. Sherrie Campbell, a clinical psychologist specializing in toxic family dynamics, explains: “Toxic family members often use guilt as a tool for manipulation. They make you feel like you owe them something simply because of a shared bloodline, rather than acknowledging your personal efforts and boundaries.”

OP’s family isn’t just asking for help—they are demanding a massive sacrifice as if it’s their right. The fact that her parents disowned her over this refusal proves they only see her as a provider, not as a valued family member.

The Dangers of Financial Enabling

According to a study by the American Psychological Association, financial enabling—continuously supporting family members without boundaries—leads to resentment, dependency, and long-term financial harm.

OP’s brother refuses to take responsibility for his growing family, instead expecting handouts. If OP gives in now, this pattern will only continue. What happens when he needs money for bills, childcare, or another house?

What should OP do

This situation is emotionally draining, but OP does have options to protect herself and her financial future:

1. Stand Firm on Boundaries – OP owes nothing to her brother, and it’s important she doesn’t give in to manipulation. If her family only values her for financial gain, then cutting ties might be healthier in the long run.

2. Legal Protection – If OP’s other home (the one for her parents) is still under her name, she should consider selling it or legally securing it to prevent her family from claiming ownership.

3. Financial Independence Means Selective Generosity – If OP ever wants to help family in the future, it should be on her terms, not because they demand it. Setting clear expectations for what she’s willing to offer (or not offer) is key.

4. Surround Herself with Supportive People – Whether it’s trusted friends, colleagues, or financial advisors, OP should prioritize relationships with those who respect her achievements rather than trying to exploit them.

5. Reevaluate Her Relationship – If OP’s boyfriend thinks she should just “give away” her house, he might not fully appreciate how hard she worked to get where she is. It may be worth reconsidering if he truly aligns with her values.