AITA for not packing my husband’s bags so he could go spend Xmas with his family without me?

A Reddit user shared her frustration after her husband decided to spend Christmas with his family — without her — following a snub from her mother-in-law. The MIL blamed the wife for minor etiquette “mistakes” from last year’s holiday gathering and refused to invite her this year. When her husband asked if his bags were packed for his trip, she was stunned by the request, saying she only packs for joint trips. This led to a heated argument, with her husband accusing her of being petty and causing him to be late. Invite people to read the original story below…

‘ AITA for not packing my husband’s bags so he could go spend Xmas with his family without me?’

I (F30) have been with my husband Ted (M34) for 4 years and we got married 2 years ago. His family and I haven’t really gotten along too well. They’re rich and are all about image. I only see them on occasions but that’s when the drama is at it’s highest rate.

Last Christmas Ted & I traveled to spend Xmas with them and it was awkward for some reason. After we went back to the hotel his mom sent me a list of all the things I’ve done wrong at her house like bringing wrong types of desserts and wearing “inappropriate” clothes (um I wore a blouse and leather jacket) and not standing up when guests arrived.

This year mother inlaw only sent an invitation to Ted to spend xmas with family. He told me his mom didn’t invite me because of my last year’s “negative points” and would rather have just him there this year.

I was flabbergasted I asked if he was actually considering going after his mom excluded me and he shrugged and said yes because he never spent xmas away from family his entire life and isn’t “about to break the cycle now”. He suggested I go out, invite Regina (my best friend) over or just plan my own celebration and said “but nothing too crazy, capeesh?”.

I was upset but hey! if they don’t want me then I shouldn’t force it and tried to not feel hurt and offended. Yesterday Ted came home asking if his bags were ready since it was time to go. I said I don’t know and he was stunned.

he freaked out saying I knew he was going to travel to his hometown and I should’ve packed his bags like I always do. I admit that packing his bags is what I do but ONLY WHEN WE’RE TRAVELING TOGETHER and I figured since he was traveling on his own then he should pack them himself.

He lost it saying I just caused him to be late and ruined all the (flight/hotel/other reservations) arrangements he had just because I was being bitter because I wasn’t invited to xmas celebration with his family.

We had a heated argument and he said “Look, you’re really overreacting right now because it’s not like I’m going away on a vacation to another country to spend time with some strippers and whatnot though I’m pretty certain you wouldn’t be as half pissed and agitated as you are now.

I’m just going to spend time with my family and quite frankly, I don’t know what it is with you anymore”. Then proceeded to call me petty and say I got him in trouble and “punished” him by not packing his bags for him knowing he was going to travel. He packed his bags in a rush and ended up forgetting most of the gifts he got for his family. He’s now not speaking to me. AITA?

ETA: I found out that it’s not just my mother inlaw but father inlaw and Ted’s brothers figured it would be best that I don’t attend their xmas and instead go to my own family claiming they were giving me the options to decide and also they claimed they don’t want to force me to be with them since we have some tension between us.

ETA2: Ted said this is all temprarily until his family and I get used to and adapt with each others.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

TheAxe11 −  NTA – change the locks while he is at his parents and hire a divorce lawyer is what I would do if my wife did what your husband did

Norpu01 −  NTA. So let me get this straight, he is a grown up man who threw a tantrum because he had to do something himself. He is so in the wrong.

likeahike −  NTA and why are you with this guy again? He wants to spend Christmas with his family, but you’re his family now. He doesn’t defend you when his mother makes rediculous demands and he should have. And he expects you to pack his bags like a good little housewife/ maid. It doesn’t sound like he respects you, or you are even a priority to him.

Ma_Ma_Ma_My_Sharona −  Pack your bags and be gone when he comes back. He is a tool. NTA.

yankdevil −  YTA. Staying married to this man when he clearly should be married to your mother-in-law is just an a**hole move. Apologize when he gets back, get divorced and let those two lovebirds get on with their lives.

mcmurrml −  Honey, here is what you do. Pack up the rest of his belongings. Everything! Your friend Regina can help. Tomorrow you call and wish him merry Christmas and while he is there tell him you need to look for somewhere to live. Your stuff is packed and you are not coming back here. Get a storage locker and put all of his stuff there.

Today you call a lawyer and file for divorce. Your marriage is over and you have a life of hell if you even consider staying with this guy. Get moving and start packing. You have plenty of time.

SpeedBlitzX −  NTA If I’m understanding things here correctly, your spouse was expecting you to pack his bags for a vacation you weren’t invited to. As well as he just expected you to pack his stuff for him for some reason? Why is he being so irresponsible and dependent? He’s not a child who’s going out on their very first vacation, he’s supposed to be an adult.

RatBreakfast −  The “Kapeesh” alone (in that situation) would’ve initiated my fight or flight mode. He sounds like a real prize a**hole, along with the rest of his family. NTA and from my experience, around year 4 is when some partners tend to show their true colors. Please do not put up with being treated like this, you deserve better. They did you a favor by not inviting you.

Wallflowerheart −  Sounds like it’s time to pack your own bag while he’s out of town.

dbee8q −  You are NTA but you are in a rubbish marriage, get out now. No decent spouse would leave their partner behind after they were not invited. Please take this alone time to re think things, this is not a nice relationship.

Do you think the wife was justified in refusing to pack her husband’s bags after being excluded from the family gathering, or was she being too petty? How would you handle being left out of your spouse’s holiday plans? Share your thoughts below!