AITA for not offering friends a beer when I don’t drink alc. to begin with?

A Redditor found himself in a disagreement with his friends and father while moving to a new apartment. As he provided snacks and non-alcoholic beverages to those helping him, one elder friend expressed disappointment for not being offered beer, a preference he held for post-work refreshments.

Despite the Redditor’s commitment to a strict no-alcohol policy, his dad sided with the friend’s complaint, leading to a clash of expectations. Now, he’s left questioning whether he was in the wrong for not catering to their drinking preferences. Read more about his situation below.

‘ AITA for not offering friends a beer when I don’t drink alc. to begin with?’

I’m (M27) currently in the process of moving from a small apartment to a bigger apartment. So I got friends of myself and friends of my dad (him included) to help me out. During the tedious workout of carrying boxes and furniture up and down multiple floors, I treated everyone to refreshments. Water, snacks, and soft drinks.

Since I’m following a strict moral code of not drinking alcohol, beer and any other type of booze doesn’t cross my mind. One of the elder friends got hissy since he prefers to drink beer as a refreshment, especially after a “job well-done”. My dad being of same generation, he of course is backing him up.

My dad and I always see eye to eye and rarely come into arguments that has us. But here is where we crossed paths. Why am I at fault for not catering to those who drink when I never look at the booze aisle in any store. My dad is proud of my non drinking attitude, but yet he fails to see the issue in this argument. Am I in the wrong? Am I the a**hole?

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

LeonardoSpaceman −  Sounds like the people who helped you would appreciate a beer. NTA for not providing it. It’s not owed or anything. But they helped you quite a bit from the sounds of it, it would be very nice to show them they are appreciated with a beer if that’s what they’d like. On another note, have you seen Shawshank Redemption?

Just1MoreOpinion −  I’ve been sober for a long time. It doesn’t make me a crappy host. I still serve alcohol and make drinks for people in these situations. It’s not like I’m Vegan and think everyone else should be vegan. I’m not in control of them. I’m not e**itled to anything. At a minimum you could have tossed someone cash to run and get beer.

Beagle-wrangler −  Beer and pizza is the standard currency for people helping you move. They saved you hundreds of dollars so you shoulda done better than snacks and light drinks.

Unless you are on the wagon there isn’t a good reason you can’t be more thoughtful to people that just busted their asses to help you out. So it’s not horrible Ahole level but that was a weak showing. I guess we will see if you are TA when you move next and only crickets answer the call.

cs24385 −  YTA. The standard payment for helping someone move is beer and pizza. If you’re deviating from this, you need to communicate the situation clearly.

Longjumping-Lab-1916 −  YTA. Standard fare for asking your friends to give up their time and work their butts off moving your stuff is pizza and beer. If you don’t like it, pay movers instead of spongeing off your friends, or find tea-totaler friends.

UnhelpfulCounselor −  YTA for having immoral beings help you move and then imposing your moral code on them. If they’re good enough to help you move, you can buy them a beer!

Triscuitmeniscus −  NAH, because it sounds like this didn’t escalate into *that* big of a deal. I can understand why as a non-drinker it didn’t even cross your mind to buy beer when you were shopping for this event.

Having said that, I don’t know what it’s like where you’re from but in the US beer and pizza is sort of the expected minimum for helping someone move. Obviously if you didn’t have it you couldn’t offer it, but if I put in a half-day of manual labor helping a friend move, I’d be kind of pissed if all I got was some soda and pretzels.

Maybe things are different in your country but I think a legit meal has to be a somewhat universal “payment” for this type of activity: if nothing else you’re replacing the calories they spent. My guess is if you had some pizza or grillables to share with them but no beer, they wouldn’t have been that upset about it.

In my 20’s (i.e. when I was poor) I would have provided pizza, Chinese food, or some other cheap and easy takeout. If someone helped me move today I’d probably just take everyone out for a meal at a restaurant afterwards.

JollyForce9237 −  Soft YTA. They are working for free to help YOU move. A nice way to show the appreciation for all their hard work is to provide appropriate food and refreshments for the people helping you for FREE.

ahknewb −  NTA – you’re under no obligation to provide booze.. Water, snacks, and soft drinks. Bare minimum for helping someone move is beverages, snacks, **and pizza**. And not cheap pizza – something good. And yes, it’s common in lots of places to include a**oholic beverages.

So, since you’re not doing that, you need to step up your food/snacks game to compensate. Heck, you could give them each a $15 gift card to your local grocery store (in addition to pizza/snacks). They can buy whatever they want that way, including beer. Also, consider unclutching your pearls a little. Alcohol isn’t evil.

ladystetson −  INFO: how many hours did everyone work. what type of snacks and drinks did you have for them? How much did you spend on the refreshments, did you pay them anything?

Generally if you have guests, they eat what you eat. But in this case you had volunteer workers who worked extremely hard. I’m trying to understand exactly how you rewarded their hardwork and if it was in a way that was meaningful to them?

Did the Redditor do the right thing by sticking to his principles and not offering alcohol, or should he have catered to his friends’ preferences? How would you navigate a similar situation? Share your thoughts below!