Aita for not making him food after his work “wife” kept making him food?

Returning home to a lovingly prepared meal should feel comforting, but for one 27-year-old wife, it became a battleground of unspoken resentments. In her three-year marriage, she’s noticed a recurring issue: her husband’s work “wife”—a 24-year-old colleague—repeatedly makes him food and doles out extra affectionate hugs.

Although she appreciates the occasional baked-good drop-off, it quickly escalated when her husband claimed he didn’t want to waste the food his “work wife” had prepared, even though it was originally made by her. The constant undermining of her efforts to nurture him has left her feeling unappreciated and sidelined in her own home.

Now, fed up with being the only one who cooks while someone else seemingly steals her thunder, she decided to draw a firm line: if her husband’s lunch always ends up a mix of the two, she’d simply stop making it. But when he argued that she was being petty over a little thing, the tension at home exploded. Was standing her ground over her food a justified assertion of personal boundaries, or was she overreacting?

‘Aita for not making him food after his work “wife” kept making him food?’

Expert Opinion:

Letting your personal boundaries dictate your actions isn’t necessarily selfish—it’s essential self-care. According to Dr. Laura Markham, a clinical psychologist featured in Psychology Today, “Setting healthy boundaries in relationships is not about withholding kindness, but about protecting your well-being and maintaining self-respect.”

In this case, the writer’s frustration arises from feeling that her efforts are undermined by her husband’s work colleague, who intrudes on what should be a shared, intimate experience. Dr. Markham explains that when one partner consistently feels their contributions are devalued, it can lead to long-term resentment.

“If you’re repeatedly put in a position where your care is negated by another’s gestures—even if those gestures appear kind on the surface—it’s natural to want to reclaim your space and dignity,” she adds. For our writer, making food is more than just a chore; it’s an expression of love and effort. When her husband chooses to accept additional food from someone else without consulting her, it diminishes her role and leaves her feeling sidelined.

Relationship expert Dr. John Gottman also underscores that mutual respect in domestic tasks is key to a healthy marriage. “Each partner must feel that their contributions are valued. When an imbalance occurs—especially in something as personal as preparing meals—it can signal deeper issues of neglect or unappreciation,” he notes.

His view supports the idea that the writer’s decision to cease making lunch was a reasonable reaction to a recurring pattern of disrespect. Moreover, both experts stress that communication is crucial. If boundaries aren’t clearly respected, resentment builds.

By choosing to stop making food rather than silently enduring the imbalance, the writer is simply asserting her right to be recognized and appreciated for the care she provides. It’s a tough lesson in self-respect that, while it may seem petty to some, is entirely justified when personal well-being is at stake.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Several redditors were quick to support the writer, stating, “If you’re putting in the effort every day and someone else is stealing your thunder, you’re well within your rights to draw the line. Your food is your expression of love, and it deserves respect.” Many appreciated her for standing up for herself.

Another group shared personal experiences of feeling undermined in similar ways. One user commented, “I’ve been in relationships where my contributions were taken for granted. It’s not selfish to expect your partner to appreciate what you do—boundaries are essential for self-respect.” Their stories resonated with the importance of fair treatment at home.

Ultimately, your decision to stop making lunch was not an act of selfishness but a necessary assertion of your personal boundaries. When your efforts to nourish your husband are consistently undercut by uninvited gestures from a work colleague, it’s completely fair to demand that your contributions be respected. This situation forces us to ask: How do we balance generosity with the need to protect our own well-being? Is there a way to navigate shared social settings without sacrificing what’s rightfully ours?

What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? Have you ever had to set tough boundaries in your relationships? Share your thoughts and experiences—your insights might help others learn to stand up for themselves without feeling guilty.