AITA for not listening to a friends 41 minute long voice message?
A Reddit user wonders if they’re in the wrong for ignoring a friend’s lengthy 41-minute voice message. Their friend has a history of sending long, often irrelevant messages, and has been somewhat intrusive in the past, such as using Google Translate to spy on their personal conversations.
Though the friend insisted they listen to the entire message, the Redditor feels it’s a waste of time and has been avoiding it. Read their full story below to see how they’re balancing politeness and personal boundaries.
‘ AITA for not listening to a friends 41 minute long voice message?’
I’ve had a friend who I’ve known for about 2+ years in school, and throughout the first year he was always INCREDIBLY annoying. He was always calling me nicknames which I didn’t really want to be called,
he was really nosy when once I was talking to my parents in a native language he was using Google translate camera mode to see what I was writing to them about, and whenever I visibly became angry and annoyed to something he did, he just laughed it off and just said ‘I was just joking!’.
I’ve found it hard to even call him ‘a friend’ at points. In the second year and now, he is still quite annoying, but it’s less bad than he used to be (when I say less bad, that’s like 20% less bad than he was). He also is known for sending extravagantly long voice messages as well.
Once, when going on a school trip, he sent me like a 20 minute long voice message which I spent most of the time on the bus there listening to and, honestly, thought I wasted my time as he was randomly yapping about the EU and how cars didn’t work or some baloney like that which we have never talked to each other before about.
Now, just before going on holiday, I was talking to him a little and then he suddenly stopped. I saw he was sending a voice message. He hadn’t really sent a voice message for a long while before that,and he kept going. After 40 minutes, I saw he sent a 41 minute gargantuan of a voice message.
He told me some ‘instructions’ before listening to it, like ‘please listen to everything, as I appreciate being listened to’. I’ve been putting it off for 2 weeks now, as I just cannot be asked to listen to him randomly talk about nothing relevant. AITA?
Take a look at the comments from fellow users:
dryadduinath − NTA. Here’s a reply you can send to his “instructions”: I’m not doing that. If he has anything important in that 41 minutes, this will be his prompt to actually tell you that in text form. If he was just rambling because he wants attention and “appreciates being listened to” this will be his prompt to whine.
You can respond to anything important he says that actually interests or impacts you, and ignore the rest. Beyond that, you don’t seem to actually like this person and you might be better off slow fading out of his life.
extinct_diplodocus − NTA. Don’t bother listening to the message. He’s not a friend and is wasting your time. I’d suggest telling him to text you the important details, but that would be a bad idea. He’d send endless text and rehash the 41 minutes. Since he abuses your phone, just block him and let him know.
ThePhilV − He’s not talking to you, he’s talking AT you. He doesn’t want a conversation with you, because if he did, he wouldn’t have literally stopped having a conversation with you to leave you a voice message. What a werid thing to do!
The good news here is that he doesn’t see you as a friend, either. He sees you as an audience. NTA at all for not listening to this self important a**hole. Cut him off. You don’t need people like this in your life.
KamalaFarted − NTA. Who the hell can rant 41 minutes to a voicemail, just reply back with tldl
PensOverSwords2K − Stop humoring this guy
LadyLeftist − God invented texting so we wouldn’t have to talk to each other anymore. NTA.
kimba-the-tabby-lion − Oh, god. Don’t listen to it. No one is entitled to monologue at you.. NTA
poeadam − NTA – that is unhinged behavior. Just be straightforward with him. I suggest a text message saying “I haven’t listened to your vm, and don’t intend to listen to it, because it is too long. If there is important information in it you think I should know, I’d be happy to chat about it directly.”
fancyandfab − YTA to yourself for keeping up this “friendship”. You gave this person an entire YEAR of being annoying and still associate with them? It’s basically a meme at this point, that brevity isn’t my strong suit and writing comes much more easily than speaking, but FORTY minutes is way too much
HowlPen − NTA What a bizarre way to amuse oneself. He actually believes he has the right to tell you what to do? And, it’s kind of working, as here you are weeks later wondering if you are the a-h. At this point just delete it and if you see him again, just casually say “Never had the time.”
If you respond he’ll know he’s been successful in staying in your head. Let’s keep that a Reddit secret. Next time immediately let him know “not interested, too busy.” And then block him and free up the mental space he’s taking. You don’t need him there.
Do you think the Redditor is being unreasonable for avoiding the message, or are they justified in setting boundaries? How would you handle a friend who frequently sends such lengthy messages? Share your thoughts below!
