AITA for not letting my teenager take the car I purchased to the other house during dad’s custody time?

OP (F, 50/50 custody) purchased a car for their 16-year-old son after months of delays from her ex-husband, who refused to contribute due to financial concerns about buying cars for his stepchildren. OP bought the car outright and offered her ex the option to pay half over time, but he refused.

As a result, OP decided to keep the car at her house during her son’s time with his father. Now, her son is upset, calling her “petty” for not letting him take the car to his dad’s house. read the original story below…

‘ AITA for not letting my teenager take the car I purchased to the other house during dad’s custody time? ‘

I have 50/50 custody of my son (m16), he stays at both houses for a week at a time. Over a year ago, I started conversations with my ex- husband to figure out how we were going to purchase a car for our son to use.

Both households are making good money but there are 9 total kids after us both getting remarried. My ex was not responsive. Basically ignored me bc he said “if I buy our son a car then I have to buy the step kids cars too” So after months of waiting I decided just to buy my son a car. I own it outright.

I gave his dad the opportunity to buy in by paying me half the vehicles value interest free over 60 months. That totaled $109 a month for 5 years. I required him to sign a contract that detailed the payments and that the kid would own the car once it was paid off.

My ex balked at that and said he wasn’t paying anything. So, the car is staying at my house during the 15 days a month my son is at his dad’s.
My son is mad at me because I’m “being petty” . Am I the a**hole for not letting him take the car to his dads?

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Still-Degree8376 −  INFO: are you concerned he would let the steps and other members of the family drive it? Who pays the insurance? What about maintenance? It sounds like dad may demand he share the car and you would be liable.

Spirited-Hall-2805 −  NTA I’m a parent and would make some kind of compromise with him where he can show you he’s responsible. Something along the lines of the car being yours for him to use while wth you while he is 16.

Once he turns 17, he can show you he’s responsible by maintaining the car( keeping it clean, using it reasonably, etc) and using it regardless of which home he’s at. If he’s irresponsible, the consequence would be to only use the car at your place or it’s taken away.

If he takes good care of the car, it’s his once he turns 18, if he pays the $109 a month, depending on your financial situation. This gives him a full year to show you he’s capable. This will encourage him to be reasonable with you being less controlling.

Jesses_squirrel −  This is your car. People saying it’s unfair to your son maybe don’t realize that you are making all the payments. Most kids his age don’t have cars, this is a luxury, he’s not owed a car.

Missouri_Milk_Man −  Explain to your son EXACTLY what you just said. Explain to your son the contract you went out of your way to offer to dad. Let him know dad was the one to want no part of it.

Explain this to your son. He will understand and then he needs to apply this same pressure towards his dad. Son needs to know his dad thinks $109 per month is more important than his son driving 15 days per month

Ok_Strawberry_197 −  NTA. Your husband didn’t want to buy a car because then “he’d have to buy a car for the stepchildren” which tells me that he might have a hard time saying no to either stepkids or wife or both.

So, not only are you no there to sort of monitor the choices your son is making with his car (when he’s going out and who with), which matters to you because the car is not paid for and I’m assuming you also have him on your insurance. You don’t know if Dad will be driving it, or step mom, or step siblings.

Sending it with him you are leaving him in the position of having to decide what you would be comfortable with in terms of car use and then sticking with it. It’s a lot for a kid. And there is legal liability if he is doing anything reckless. You paid for and furnished the car so legally it could all be on you if something goes badly.

bdayqueen −  NTA – I’ll bet $50 that your ex would make your son take all the siblings (step or half) everywhere in the car. They will damage it and then your ex will leave you paying for the repairs. Tell your ex that the car can live at his house with your son when your ex pays half of the insurance. Yes I agree it sucks for your son. But you’re protecting his car.

One-Warthog3063 −  NTA. You own the car, you decide what happens to it, more so if you’re also paying for the fuel, the insurance, the maintenance, new tires, etc.Your ex declined to co-parent on this, and this is the consequence.

And then there’s the real possibility that your ex would decide that the car is something that he can use when it’s there. “Oh my car didn’t start, I’ll drive my son to school in his and then use it for the day.” or “Son, let your step-sibling drive your car (or even learn to drive using it).” (this request is more like a command in many parent-child relationships)

Public_Pomelo8266 −  NTA. This your car, which you purchased for your son to use for his transportation needs. But it’s your car. Doesn’t sound like your child contributed to the purchase costs, or insurance. Who pays for damages? Who pays for gas, particularly if your child is forced to drive siblings around?

It sounds like your ex is just mad they don’t have an additional taxi at the house. Explain to your son that you know it’s frustrating, that it probably feels like he is being punished for your ex not contributing, but in reality you are looking to protect this asset from damage and wear and tear.

What would happen if he’s forced to loan it or use it at that house and it gets damaged? What does he think will happen? Because it doesn’t sound like ex will be helping.

Growing up I had a car to drive, but it was made crystal clear that my parents bought it, they were paying for insurance, it was THEIR car, it was available for me to drive because it made things more convenient if I was able to drive myself to where I needed to go.

You said your ex contributes a little towards insurance. I would stop making him do that. He’s made it clear he isn’t interested in supporting your son having a vehicle except when it benefits your ex. It’s just a small thing he can hold over your head.

Busy-Earth-9028 −  I feel like I’m crazy reading all these Y T A responses. A car is a liability and if the ex hasn’t bought into the car he doesn’t hold the same liability. It’s not punishing the son to say that the car remains with the parent that is responsible for it.

When the car is paid off and becomes the son’s (which btw is not something owed to any child, so they should be grateful for), he can do what he wants with it. NTA

Is OP being unreasonable by not allowing her son to take the car to his dad’s house, or is she justified in keeping it at her house, considering the circumstances? What do you think? Share your thoughts below!