AITA for not letting my sister move in with me when she and her kids were facing homelessness?
A 22-year-old woman allowed her sister and her family to stay with her for what was supposed to be a few months, but it turned into nearly a year of added stress, household mess, and caregiving responsibilities. After the sister announced her second pregnancy, the woman asked them to leave.
Now, her sister is facing homelessness again and asked to move in, but the woman, overwhelmed with her own responsibilities, declined. She suggested alternative solutions but feels guilty about her decision. read the original story below…
‘ AITA for not letting my sister move in with me when she and her kids were facing homelessness?’
In 2022, my sister (22F) had asked if she, her boyfriend (23M) and her newborn (6mo F) could stay with us for 1-3 months (which turned into 11 months) until they had gotten their taxes so they could save up and move to another place.
my partner and I agreed (21F & 20M) because it was only going to be a few months and I didn’t want them to be potentially homeless, with an infant. I had only 3 actual rules. A.) Take care of the wood floors B.) Help out with rent when they can C.) No births.
My sister stayed home with the baby mostly, while us 3 worked through the day. But soon, so we’re consistently piles of dishes, dirty diapers, food trash, and just things left around. And they had also spent all their tax money and asked if they could stay longer.
After a while, my sister was getting really comfortable with asking me to watch my niece. I would end up watching my niece almost every night/off day for 1-5 hours. It got to the point where my partner and I couldn’t really hang out. Them living with us was starting to have an affect on mine and my partners relationship at that point.
She had gotten prescribed birth control. Shortly after, I started to notice a bunch of ovulation tests in our bathroom. Not long after that appointment She happily came up to me and showed me a positive pregnancy test. She tried to lie and say that she was too fertile for birth control to work.m and said that it was accident.
But it was so hard to believe. So then I told them both, they had to leave before that baby was born. When they moved out, Her boyfriend literally said to me before they left “wow your house looks TRASHED!” And then left. Their bedroom floors were super sticky, random substance on the walls, and a s**t ton of dirty dishes were left For me to clean up.
Now, it’s been about a year and a half since they left. And currently, my partner is having some heart issues causing him to be out of work and will need surgery. So I’m riding solo to keep a roof over our head, bills paid, and food in the fridge.
My sister called me in a panic. Saying that her and her two babies that are now toddlers are going to be homeless because she was on a waitlist for a rental assistance apartment And that she had done everything she could, and her boyfriend had been having issues keeping a job because he has a felony.
And she had asked if she and my niece and nephew could stay with me for a few weeks. But I told her, no. I couldn’t take on anymore responsibilities than what I already have. That I’m having difficulty keeping up with my own s**t. I suggested if they could reach out to her boyfriends parents, and see if they could help in any way.
They agreed to let them stay. I called to check up on them, no response (which is very very unusual for her) and I feel like she may be upset with me, I just frankly have so much going on that I couldn’t go through that again.
These are the responses from Reddit users:
HorseygirlWH − Do NOT feel bad about saying No. She was supposed to stay only a short while and stayed 11 months last time; you know this would be similar or longer. She’s a grown ass adult, if Dad can’t keep a job, then he can stay home w. the babies while she works.
You can’t afford to feed them in addition to yourself and your partner. I find it so disrespectful that instead of being grateful and cleaning the place and bending over backwards to do chores, that instead they trashed your place. Keep saying No and you’re NTA.
FuzzyMom2005 − NTA. Her boyfriend doesn’t have a problem keeping a job because he has a felony. Once he has a job, all he had to do WAS his job. She’s lying. She lied to you when she was in your house. She and her family disrespected you. They trashed your house.
They had no intention of leaving. And they would do exactly the same if given the chance. Good for you for saying ‘no’. She probably doesn’t want to respond because she’s trying to make you feel guilty or you’re no longer useful since they found another money-train.
Straight_Bother_7786 − NTA. She purposely got pregnant when she couldn’t afford to take care of the child she already had. It’s time for her to grow up. Enjoy the peace. I’m sure she’ll be asking for something once his parents kick her out.
Round_Butterfly2091 − This was the most disrespectful thing I read all day. *“wow your house looks TRASHED!”* This would have sent me over the edge. Never let them come back no matter how much your sister gives you the silent treatment.
crazyheather345 − NTA. You did your turn a couple of years ago. Even if you were privately unprepared to deal with accommodating your sister again, the fact that you literally cannot have them right now is true anyway.
Ultimately, she has found an alternative arrangement and isn’t homeless. No harm no foul. Frankly, if your sister is upset with you and choosing not to talk, that might be a blessing in disguise because you’ll be better off without her drama for a while.
Equal-Brilliant2640 − Enjoy the peace. And remember “no” is a complete sentence. And with speaking with folks like her, don’t JADE. JUSTIFY. ARGUE. DEFEND. EXPLAIN
it just gives them more ammo to try and browbeat you into giving them what they want
MrDunworthy93 − NTA. If she’d taken care of your space and respected your time while she was living with you, this would be a different conversation, maybe, given that your partner is having health struggles.
Powerful_Ad_1239 − NTA! In the end, this isn’t even about your sister and her issues. It’s about what you can handle with what you already are responsible for. You were right for protecting and prioritizing yourself and your partner. If your sister has an issue with you turning her down then that’s on her and it gives you a good idea that, not only is she irresponsible, but ungrateful as well.
dryadduinath − NTA. You tried it once, and learned not to do it again. Sorry your sister doesn’t learn from past mistakes the same way.
PrettySyllabub7288 − Sis is a freeloader to the 10th degree. She is also ungrateful, n**ty and has no pride or shame when it comes to helping out around the house and cleaning up behind herself. If you think it was bad before, this woman with two toddlers, will wreck your home for good.
On another note, hopefully your significant other can apply for disability and will apply for disability. Good luck to you.
Setting boundaries, especially after a difficult experience, is essential for personal well-being. What do you think? Share your thoughts below!
