AITA for not letting my sister be the maid of honor at my wedding because of her behavior?

A Reddit user, a 29-year-old bride-to-be, decided to remove her 26-year-old sister as her maid of honor due to her increasingly toxic and self-centered behavior over the past year.

Despite explaining her reasons, including wanting a supportive and positive atmosphere for her wedding, the sister reacted angrily, accusing the bride of being a bad sibling and ruining her chance to participate meaningfully in the wedding. Now, the bride is questioning her decision and whether she’s being too harsh. Read the full story below to weigh in.

‘ AITA for not letting my sister be the maid of honor at my wedding because of her behavior?’

I (29F) am getting married in 6 months to my fiancé, Ryan (31M), and I’ve been planning my wedding for a while now. My sister, Olivia (26F), and I have always had a pretty good relationship, but things have started to change recently.

Over the past year, Olivia has become more and more difficult to deal with. She’s been incredibly self-centered, often making everything about her, even on my special occasions. For example, she made my 29th birthday about how hard her own life was, and at my engagement party, she made several passive aggressive comments about not having a relationship of her own.

I’ve tried to talk to her about it, but she’s just brushed it off and said I was being too sensitive. Despite all this, I initially told her she could be my maid of honor because I love her and she’s my sister. But recently, I started to realize how toxic her behavior has become, and I don’t want her in such an important role at my wedding.

I sat her down and explained how I felt, and that I no longer wanted her to be my maid of honor. I told her I needed someone who could be supportive and positive during this time, and her attitude just doesn’t align with that. She’s furious with me now and is accusing me of being a terrible sister and ruining her chance to be a part of my big day.

Now, I feel terrible. I don’t want to lose my sister over this, but at the same time, I feel like I’m doing what’s best for me and my wedding. AITA for not letting my sister be the maid of honor because of her behavior?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Organic-Mix-9422 −  You left out the bits where your family and friends are divided, and your mother insists you be the bigger person, and your father does nothing. But your SO is on your side.

ConversationFun1215 −  **NAH** – It’s a tough situation. I understand why Olivia might feel hurt, but it also makes sense why you’d want someone who can be positive and supportive in such an important role. Relationships require both sides to make an effort, and it’s clear you’ve tried to talk things through.

chez2202 −  She doesn’t want to be a part of your big day. She wants to be the centre of attention in your big day if what you have said is correct. Is it possible that she is acting this way because your life is going better than her own and she is depressed rather than self centred?

Could she just be struggling with the changes in your relationship with each other now that you are getting married and someone else is becoming the most important person in your life?

If this is a possibility you could talk to her and tell her that she will always be important to you and that even though your relationship is changing it could be better than before if you both work at it and respect each others boundaries.

Vivid-Ad5691 −  NTA – You have every right to choose your maid of honor based on the support and positivity you need during this time. A wedding is a big deal, and you need people around you who uplift you, not bring negativity. It’s understandable that you set boundaries, especially when it’s affecting your emotional well-being.

TimeDue2994 −  So you are ruining her chances at your big day. Wow, that argument alone is enough to kick her out of your big day. I don’t think Olivia is willing to accept that this is your day, not hers

BonusMomSays −  This drama and her “this is my chance to be important pn your big day” BS is exactly why she should NOT be your MOH!! She is already making it about her!!

TheSanityInspector −  She can still ruin your wedding even if she’s not maid of honor, you know. Were you planning on disinviting her altogether?

alycewandering7 −  She isn’t upset about you ruining her chance to be a part of your big day. She’s upset that you took away her opportunity to make your big day all about *her. She would be a terrible MOH and everything would be about her and what she wants.

Honestly I would not even want her at my wedding at all as you know she is going to start drama somehow to make it all about her. Hire security to keep her out. Create passwords with all the venues etc. so she can’t cancel them or make changes.

Give security her pic to make sure they keep her out. Disinvite anyone who causes drama because she is not invited. I know all that is easier said than done. Whatever you end up doing, I hope you have a wonderful, drama-free wedding.. NTA.

Astreja −  If she’s hijacked your birthday party and your engagement party, she is *not* living up to the “honour” part of “maid of honour.” NTA. Let her whine, and find a supportive MoH.

McKinleysMom −  She clearly has some jealousy issues with you. She’s lamenting how bad her life is, while your life is moving forward in positive ways. It’s tough… she feels the sting of not being where you are in life, and if a wedding wasn’t involved, you’d probably be there to support her.

As a sister whose life hasn’t been the rosy one I envisioned, compared to my sister’s life… I get it. It’s hard not to envy a better life without financial worries or a life with a loving spouse. I would never interfere with a celebration my sister was having due to my own envy. But your sister seems to take every opportunity to bring up the differences.

I would sit down with her again. Discuss her deep feelings about not being where you are in life and letting her know that you do understand how she feels. Just acknowledging her envy could be enough to let her know she’s heard and seen.

Remind her that life isn’t a competition… some of us move forward while others have setbacks and that you’ll be there for her for both! Your happiness isn’t a ‘share’ of happiness… she doesn’t get less if you have more. It’s infinite and abundant.

Tell her that your day wouldn’t be complete without her by your side, but that as a bride, you get 24 hours for the day of your dreams. That’s it… 24 hours. Then, after the honeymoon, treat her to a day all about her. Whatever she wants to do. Thank her for being by your side and letting her know that you love her and will help her make some progress in life.

She just might be feeling like a failure. Don’t compound it by obviously excluding her from the wedding party. But be clear with your expectations of her that day. It IS your day, and when it’s HER day, she will be the queen, and you’ll be right there beside her.. Keep us posted.

Was the bride justified in prioritizing her emotional well-being and the atmosphere of her wedding, or should she have handled the situation differently to maintain her relationship with her sister? How would you handle a sibling’s difficult behavior in such a high-stakes situation? Share your thoughts and advice below!