AITA for not letting my partner be a part of the house mortgage?

A Redditor (25F) has recently purchased a house with the help of her parents, taking on 100% of the mortgage payments and spending over $50K on renovations. Although her partner (25M) is still in school and has no job, his family insists that his name be added to the mortgage for future security in case of a breakup.

The Redditor is confused, as she has invested heavily in the property, and is concerned that her partner’s family might be trying to take advantage of the situation. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for not letting my partner be a part of the house mortgage?’

Hi everyone! I’m looking for some advice towards my housing finances. I (25 female) have a partner (25 male) who is currently still and school and doesn’t have a job. We have been together for 10 years, no we are not engaged, but we both live at our parents house and have never lived together.

I recently bought a house with the help of my parents who co-signed but I’m taking on 100% of the mortgage payments. I decided to move in by myself for a while and let things settle down for a bit. My partner doesn’t seem to want to move in for a while as he still has to pay for school (fair enough). The house is in pretty rough shape and I’ve spent over 50k on renovations alone.

My partner’s family (almost my in-laws I supposed) however seem furious at the idea of their son not being part of the house mortgage. They believe that is it absolutely crucial for his name to be on the mortgage and pay for the house. I’ve been told that they don’t want their “child” to be screwed over in the event that we break up in the future and hes left with nothing.

From my perspective, I’m confused on why they would assume that half the house would be his if he didn’t pay for it while I’ve spend thousands of dollars in this investment. I’m a bit concerned on what the rules of common law are once we do move in together and wondering if his family is trying to s**ew me over.

So AITA for not letting my partner be a part of the house mortgage? If anyone has been through a similar experience, I would love to hear your thoughts. Thanks in advance!

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Any-Mode-9709 −  After you let him in the house, the parents come right after and they try to kick you out. This nightmare scenario has happened more than once. Remember if his parents talk like this, your bf THINKS like this. You did the right thing keeping him off the mortgage. Continue doing the right thing and make sure he doesn’t move in. His parents pulled a dumb move revealing their hand too early.

He is 25 and does not have a job, while you have the ability to buy a house and put 50k into it? You two are clearly not on the same page when it comes to finances. Ask yourself if you want to support him for the rest of your life–because that seems quite likely to me.

Clean_Factor9673 −  You’ll have to look up whether your state has common law; not that many have it; however, a crucial component in most states is that you hold yourself out as married, meaning talk about each other as spouse.

1. See if your state has common law, if yes;

2. Read the fine print, what does it take to become common law spouses.

3. Putting him on the mortgage obligates him financially and would give him equity; putting him on the deed gifts him half of the equity.

4. Think long and hard about this relationship before inviting him to move in with you

5. If you continue this relationship and he moves in with you, have him pay you rent; if he hasn’t paid into the house, splitting would leave him at status quo, that is, without equity in a house he neither paid part of the down-payment for, nor the mortgage. It simply isn’t his house.

Keep it as separate property. Have him sign a lease for what a room in a similar house in your area would cost, that can be structured inclusive of utilities or pay his share of utilities in addition to rent.

6. Think long and hard about his and his families entitlement about your property.

7. If you marry him you get a prenup.. Edited words

Zoreb1 −  NTA. If he’s not on the mortgage nor the deed then there usually isn’t any claim on the house, especially as you aren’t married. You should speak with a real estate attorney to verify this.

Not sure why faux in-laws would want their son on the ‘mortgage’ (did you mean deed which gives him a claim on the house) if he isn’t contributing to the mortgage payment. Ask them if they are willing to co-sign the loan.

I bet they won’t do so. (As long as the mortgage is being paid the co-signers don’t have any ownership claim on the home; if you default then they guarantee loan payment but I don’t know if they then have a claim on the place.)

Next-Wishbone1404 −  Holy crap! Tell his parents that when you are married and he has given you half what you’ve paid so far he can be on the deed and mortgage. Otherwise, no dice. NTA.

WizBiz92 −  He’s not getting screwed out of anything; he’s not paying for any of it! NTA, and not their business.

ActuaryMean6433 −  He doesn’t even live there and they’re making demands? Something smells. NTA and I’d be careful. He hasn’t paid anything, he doesn’t live there, and his family is unreasonable. Talk to a lawyer, ask them all your questions. It’ll be worth your time and the money to keep this asset protected.

Weekly-Bumblebee6348 −  If you’re not married, it doesn’t make a lot of sense to co-own this property. That’s exactly the point. It’s not like he put you through school or is raising your kids. His family can fk right off.. NTA

handlewithcare07 −  Not only shouldn’t he be part of the house mortgage, if you ever decide to marry, you should have a pre-nup. I’m not saying your partner feels this way, but his parents’ stance is like a red flag factory. I wouldn’t want to have anything to do with them.

Stay put in your own home and he can stay in his. I wouldn’t even give him his own key. (I know I sound extremely suspicious, but honestly, protect yourself financially, always.) And congratulations for having your own home and putting work into it! That’s wonderful!

Fragrant_Spray −  How does he get “screwed over” if you break up? He didn’t contribute anything to the house and you aren’t married. IF he moves in, IF you get married and IF he contributes to the mortgage, then they’d have a point, but the time to add him is after all that happens, not now. He’s not entitled to part of something he didn’t contribute to, which is the situation right now. NTA.

Successful_Activity8 −  NTA for several reasons. 1-you bought the house 2-your parents co-signed 3-he hasn’t invested anything into the house 4-you aren’t married! Don’t give in and, if you ever get married, get a prenup that the house is yours if you ever split.

Do you think the Redditor is being fair by keeping her partner off the mortgage, or should she consider including him for the sake of his family’s concerns? How would you handle the financial and relationship dynamics in this situation? Share your thoughts below!