AITA for not letting my mom come to my wedding after she ignored me my whole life?
Family relationships can be incredibly complicated, and sometimes past neglect leaves deep scars. In this update, a 26-year-old groom explains why he decided to bar his mother from his wedding after she ignored him throughout his childhood.
Despite her sudden interest in his wedding details, he feels that her absence during his formative years is unforgivable and that her presence now would be painful. The question remains: is he justified in holding her accountable for her past behavior, or is he letting bitterness dictate his celebration?
‘AITA for not letting my mom come to my wedding after she ignored me my whole life?’
When past neglect resurfaces in present relationships, setting boundaries is a complex but often necessary step in self-protection. Dr. Laura Markham, a psychologist specializing in family dynamics, notes, “It’s completely understandable for someone to withhold forgiveness when a parent has repeatedly neglected them during critical developmental periods. The hurt from feeling invisible can lead to lasting emotional scars.”
In this situation, the narrator’s decision to exclude his mother from his wedding is based on years of feeling unvalued and ignored. Dr. Markham adds, “While some might argue that one event shouldn’t dictate the future, the wedding is a highly emotional milestone. For many, having a parent who never showed up in the past can create a painful juxtaposition if they are suddenly present.”
Ultimately, while reconciliation is ideal in theory, the timing and context matter—a significant life event like a wedding may not be the right moment to reopen old wounds, especially when the hurt remains unresolved.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Many redditors fully support the decision, arguing that a parent who was emotionally absent throughout childhood forfeits the right to be involved in major life events. They believe that the groom’s wedding should be a celebration of his happiness, free from the pain of past neglect.
On the other hand, some suggest that family healing is possible if both parties are willing to work on their issues, and that perhaps the wedding could serve as a starting point for reconciliation. The overall sentiment is split between valuing personal healing and the hope for future family reconciliation.
In conclusion, the narrator’s decision to bar his mother from his wedding is rooted in deep-seated hurt and a desire to protect his emotional well-being. While some argue that it might be possible to heal old wounds over time, many understand his need to keep his wedding a joyous occasion free of painful reminders.
Was he justified in keeping her away, or might he regret not giving her a chance to make amends? What would you do when past neglect collides with a major life celebration? Share your thoughts, experiences, and advice below to help us navigate the delicate balance between forgiveness and self-preservation.
She made her choice when she was more involved with your step siblings lives then with yours. If she’d of even been a little bit involved maybe she’d have a little right to come but nope not an once of involvement. You told her no,that you would talk MAYBE after the wedding. Really she pretty much gave up all rights to be considered your mom when she skipped on your milestones so if she can’t respect your wishes go complete no contact with her and anyone who thinks you’re wrong for not including her and her new family. Congratulations.
Oh, hell NO do not let mom come to the wedding! Anyone who contradicts you on this is uninvited too. she will turn the whole thing into a terrible time, make it all about her, lie about you and generally create issues. she does NOT deserve to be around you until you two can agree to start slow and easy, starting with apologies FROM her TO you for her neglect and abuse during your life.
don’t let her go to wedding she just wants to show everyone what she thinks is a good mum which she doesn’t deserve tell family you have told her you are willing to meet up with for a talk after wedding but she wants attention at the wedding instead
I agree with your decision to leave her out of the wedding . She may even try to disrupt things to get attention or do a run around . If she truly wants a reconciliation she can attempt it after the wedding .