AITA for not letting my kids go to their cousin’s birthday party?

A mother of two young children, aged almost 3 and 17 months, has been strict with her kids’ sleep schedules due to past struggles with their sleep routines. This has led her to adjust attendance at events based on nap and bedtimes. Her in-laws, however, have criticized her approach, believing children should adapt to adult schedules.

When her brother-in-law planned a nephew’s birthday party for 11:30 AM—despite knowing it clashed with her children’s naps—she and her husband decided not to attend. This caused a heated reaction from the in-laws, with her husband accusing her of being too rigid and damaging his family relationships. read the original story below…

‘ AITA for not letting my kids go to their cousin’s birthday party?’

I have an almost 3 year old and a 17 month old. For the first few months after my oldest was born sleep was a big struggle for us (I guess as is the case for most people with newborns) and so I quickly became well versed on all things to do with baby sleep, including the importance of routine.

Since then I have been very strict with my kids’ sleep schedules and it’s common knowledge amongst my family and friends that I’ll often arrive to events a little late, or leave early, or sometimes not be able to attend in order to accommodate nap and bed times.

Unfortunately, from the get go my husband’s family have made me feel crazy for being so strict about things. They are very much of the opinion that children should fit into your life and not the other way around, which is fine but that’s not really my style.

I figure I’d rather accommodate my kids’ needs since they’re only little for such a short period of my life and later on I’ll be able to be more flexible. Every year since my oldest was born, my brother in law and his wife have organised their kids’ birthday parties to be on a weekend around lunch time.

The first year we were able to attend my nephew’s party because my oldest was still taking 2 naps a day and the party fell in his midday wake window. Last year we weren’t able to make it because it coincided with nap time and they were very upset.

My brother in law really told my husband off and even got their mother involved to try to make us change our minds. Eventually everything blew over. Recently my husband was talking to his brother about our nephew’s upcoming 6th birthday and asked if they were planning something,

to which my brother in law said yes but they were running behind in getting it organised. My husband reminded him that we wouldn’t be able to make it if the party was organised around midday. A few days later we got the invitation for this weekend and sure enough the time was 11:30am.

I found this really weird because my husband had already told his brother we wouldn’t make it if it was at this time, and I figured because of this they might have booked it for earlier in the morning or later in the afternoon since they really seemed upset we couldn’t make it last year.

I spoke to my husband about it and we agreed we wouldn’t be able to go again this time. Everything was fine until he let his brother know this a few days ago, and all hell broke loose.

His brother gave him an earful and told him that he (my husband) is the man of the house so he should make me give in and take the kids even though it clashes with their nap.

My husband suddenly turned on me and told me my strictness is ruining his relationship with his family and I need to be more flexible. I told him I don’t expect anyone to plan their time around me, they can do whatever they like, but if they arrange something for a time they know we won’t be able to make it, surely they can’t get upset? I feel like I’ve rambled on for long enough so basically, AITA?

These are the responses from Reddit users:

LowBalance4404 −  YTA and really need to lighten up a bit. I get ensuring your children’s needs are met, but kids also need to be taught to be a little flexible. What happens if the only dr appointment you can get for the 3 year old is during nap time?

Ok_Conversation9750 −  Light YTA. I get wanting to be consistent, but expect to not be invited to family events because people are not going to adjust their lives around your kids nap times. Consistently turning down invites will result in not getting invites anymore.

You make your own decisions about what your will and won’t attend, but don’t go getting upset at everyone for not accommodating your kids nap schedule.

SleepyKoalaBear4812 −  YTA The entitlement! You make it clear you expect others plans for their child’s birthday celebration to revolve around your rigid schedule.

And then the delusion of coming here expecting people to agree with you so you can rub it in your husband’s face. If you do not loosen up you will find yourself a single parent to two a**l retentive children who cannot handle change.

growsonwalls −  YTA. Sorry, this is overly rigid. It’s a special occasion and most birthdays are in the daytime. Repeatedly missing family events bc of naptime is insane.

Asleep_Objective5941 −  YTA. I am all for schedules but your children are not learning how to be slightly flexible, more specifically, your oldest. Your 3yr old should be able to slowly manage functioning while tired but you are not giving him the opportunities to learn how to deal with discomfort or even how to communicate.

For example, they need to learn how to say I’m tired or I want to go home. Why not send the 3yr old with your husband and you stay home with the younger child?

The_Asshole_Judge −  I get what you are thinking. I had a buddy, he missed nap time **ONCE** when he as three, now he is a heroin addict and serving 5-10. That one nap is where his life fell apart. #YTA

andromache97 −  ESH an initiation is not a summons, you do not have to attend a party that doesn’t work for your schedule. your BIL shouldn’t be throwing a tantrum that you can’t attend when you told him this already.. HOWEVER…. repeatedly missing family events bc of naptime really does seem like a bit much,

and you need to be willing to at least listen to your husband’s feedback. Especially for midday weekend events – that is a totally normal time for family events to be scheduled. Never being able to attend a midday event due to naptime really does seem a little ridiculous to me.

god, imagine if all family events had to be scheduled around everyone’s regular naptime…there would be no family events. showing up for family events means being flexible sometimes even when it isn’t ideal.

if you aren’t ever willing to be flexible to show up for them, then don’t expect them to ever be flexible and show up for you when the roles are reversed. that’s just how these things go.

Embarrassed-Panic-37 −  YTA You’re being ridiculous. I also have a 10 month old and while we are generally consistent abiut nap times we certainly wouldn’t make her miss fun events because of it. Do you realise that you’re currently building up your children’s childhood?

The memories they will look back on with fondness and nostalgia as adults? Do you really think they’re going to appreciate remembering that they always napped on time vs remembering fun birthday parties and get togethers with family, especially when there are cousins of close enough ages?

mlc885 −  ~~IN.FO~~ YTA When will you be able to go places with the children? Your BIL sounds awful, I just don’t get the plan.

mlachick −  YTA – in 10 years when your kids are upset that they aren’t close to any friends or family, I’m sure they’ll be comforted when you assure them that their naps were always on time. Life is meant for living, not sleeping through, and an occasional birthday party at the “wrong” time will not destroy your child.

It will bring them closer to their family and create fun memories for everyone. Right now your memories of their childhood are strict naps and pushing your husband to the breaking point. Is that really the legacy you want?

Navigating parenting choices and family expectations can be tricky. Do you think the mom should maintain her kids’ routine, or is it worth bending the rules for family harmony? Share your thoughts in the comments below!