AITA for not letting my Grandmother stay with me after she let me stay with her during the hurricane?

A Reddit user shares a dilemma about refusing to let her grandmother stay at her small home overnight because she insists on bringing her two hyper and destructive dogs.

Despite past help during a hurricane, the user feels her space and work equipment are at risk and that accommodating the dogs would be too disruptive. Was she wrong for enforcing this rule? Read the story below.

‘ AITA for not letting my Grandmother stay with me after she let me stay with her during the hurricane?’

I (31f) stayed with my grandmother (76f) during Milton, as my home was where the hurricane hit. I do not make a lot of money, and I live in a mother-in-law home I rent from her, meaning its a very small space behind a house with only two doors inside: to the bathroom and the closet.

There are no other doors in the entire place, everything is open and easily accessible. This is important. My grandmother is obsessed with her two large dogs. They’re boxers, fully grown, very smart, hyper, and destructive.

I own a LOT of expensive equipment for work, at least $6k worth, as well as emotional attachments sent by my long distance partner that can never be replaced if lost or destroyed. She lives a little under 2 hours away, and each time she comes down, she wants to stay the night because shes getting to that age where long drives aren’t feasible.

I don’t really like people coming into my space, but will allow her to stay because she’s done so much for me-as long as she gets a dog-sitter and the dogs stay back at her house. She has one, and uses them often to go on mini-trips.

She says these dogs are like her children, and I’m an a**hole for forcing her to ‘choose’ because they make her feel safe and relaxed. Her argument is that 80% of the time when she comes down here, it’s for me-being evacuations, family vacations, etc, since I don’t drive due to PTSD. I’ve tried to offer to pay for the sitter, but she ignored the offer.

The thing is, I cannot deal with the labor of keeping these hyper dogs from destroying EVERYTHING. I cannot fit all my valuables into my closet, nor should I have to because I still need to work and its my space I pay for.

I don’t want to have to dog-proof my house just for a night and have to climb over makeshift barricades of chairs, dressers, etc. She thinks it’d force me to clean my space better (she has OCD), and doesn’t see reorganizing my entire small home to be dog friendly as a problem since its so small.

It has been almost a month now and she is still upset at me over not letting her stay, and mentioning that she wanted to stay at the end of this month since we’re going on vacation together, but she refuses to leave her dogs at home.

I know she does a lot for me, but the last time they stayed got…really tense and ended in a n**ty fight, which started the rule. I am neutral to dogs, I’d even say I like some of them, but her dogs make me n**rotic.

The entire time they’re around, especially in spaces that I’m in, they just start licking me, chewing on my stuff, and try to mow over me or her to get into areas that I’ve had to make-shift barricades for since…NO DOORS.

I’d rather cancel the whole vacation than to let her stay with her dogs for that one night because just the 4 hours caused so much havoc, overnight will probably end our relationship since I’d be on their ass the entire time. So, AITA?

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

milee30 −  I’m aware I’m going to be downvoted but YTA. Everything is always about you, you, you. Your grandmother rents you a house (likely below market rate), she does all the driving to see you, she shelters you when you need it… and you can’t figure out a way to put your valuables in the closet the few times she visits? Come on.

If you were independent, paid for yourself, drove half the time, did some caring for her it would absolutely be reasonable to draw a line at the dog hosting. But this isn’t the case and your grandmother does a lot more for you than you do for her.

Can’t you find a way to do this one thing for her? You mention you offered to pay for a pet sitter. Why not instead use that money to buy a storage container to put the valuables in so your grandmother can visit?

Liuthekang −  NTA. But just remember. The next time you need a place to stay your Grandmother will not be the AH for saying no to you.
If your Grandma has ideas for dog proofing your home. Maybe try hearing her out.

embopbopbopdoowop −  INFO: did you say you rent the place from your grandma? If so, time to find a different place.

butterflyinflight −  You keep expecting your grandmother to give, to bend, to accommodate you. When do you compromise for her? When do you do anything for her?

Even your home is owned by her (I assume you pay rent at a less than market value rate). In order to see you, she has to do the driving. I get that the dogs are a problem, but when do you not expect her to make all the effort. YTA.

marivisse −  What about offering to find a dog sitter near your house? Then grandma would have them for the trip and could do outings with them, but leave them at the sitters overnight and when she’s hanging out at your place? That seems like a compromise that might work.

vven23 −  I’m going NTA solely because it sounds like her dogs are untrained. A well-behaved dog will not chew on random objects to the point of destruction, and dogs that do are also not welcome in my home.

A family member is helping me renovate my house, and he brought his dog yesterday. Still a puppy, still being trained. The dog immediately peed up against a wall, and he put the dog outside in my dog run until he left. If the dogs were well-behaved, I’d vote differently here but I can see where you’re coming from.

tainoculture −  NTA BUT YA on making your elderly Grandma drive to YOU in order to spend time together.

Senator_Bink −  *She says these dogs are like her children,* Well, she should have raised them better. NTA.

forestmango −  INFO: if you don’t drive, is there a way to get to her place without driving? I.e. train, bus, plane (though perhaps that’s expensive) am I understanding that she mostly wants to be able to see you more?

You’re n.ta for not wanting the dogs in your house though. I love dogs and cats but I would not impose my animal to be inside someone’s home unless it were a registered service animal (and thus! well behaved!)

RO489 −  In a vacuum, it’s reasonable to not want dogs staying with you. It’s also reasonable to not want to drive to see your adult granddaughter, or pay for her vacations, or subsidize her housing.

It’s a very lonely life if you never make concessions. It seems like some crates and dog gates could go a long way here, as well as some days out at the dog park for their energy. YTA for taking without giving

Is the user justified in protecting her space and belongings, or should she be more accommodating given her grandmother’s past help? How would you balance family obligations with personal boundaries? Share your thoughts below!