AITA For Not Letting My Daughter Shave Her Head?

A mother is refusing to let her 3-year-old daughter, Katie, shave her head after her older sister, Willa, who is undergoing treatment for leukemia, opted to shave hers. The mother believes Katie wouldn’t understand the permanence of the decision and would be devastated without her long hair, which she loves.

The father thinks letting Katie try it would be a valuable lesson. The mother feels that pushing this decision could be harmful and does not want to encourage the idea that girls must have long hair. read the original story below…

‘ AITA For Not Letting My Daughter Shave Her Head?’

My oldest daughter, Willa (12), is receiving treatment for Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia, and started to lose her hair a couple weeks after started chemotherapy, and opted to shave her head instead of letting it fall out on its own.

My youngest daughter, Katie (3), saw her shave her head, and started asking to do the same. Katie is very stubborn, strong willed, and loves taking after her big siblings, especially Willa. She doesn’t back down from her ideas if someone tells her no, even if she knows she doesn’t actually want it.

Katie is extremely girly, and LOVES her long hair. I know for a fact she’d be completely devastated if we were to actually cut her hair (even a less extreme shorter haircut would probably upset her, she’s obsessed with having ‘Rapunzel hair’). So, obviously, I told her no.

I explained to her why this isn’t a good idea, and told her how long it would take to grow back. Developmentally, she’s not able to fully comprehend the permanence of a choice like this. She didn’t like this answer, and has been whining and begging about it for weeks ever since. I keep telling her no.

My husband, however, is a ‘they’ll only do it once’ kind of parent. I agree with this approach for some things (ex: when my oldest son was 6, he was insisting on sitting on the counter. After getting him down several times, we eventually left him to get down by himself.

He fell, but wasn’t hurt, and didn’t climb on things anymore). This, however, I don’t think is one of those things. He thinks that once the scissors come out, she’ll realize it’s a bad idea and back out, and if she doesn’t, ‘it’s just hair.

I think it would be cruel to do something we know would upset her just because it’s a quicker lesson than riding it out and letting her learn that not all ideas are good ideas, and that she doesn’t have to do everything her siblings do. He made a remark about me pushing ‘toxic feminine’ ideas on her, and that l’m teaching her that she has to have long hair because she’s a girl. AITA?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Witty-Stock-4913 −  Hmmm, NTA, but it’s also not a permanent decision. It will grow back, relatively quickly, and given she’s been asking for this for weeks, seems like she really wants it and it’s not just a passing fancy. That being said, I’d also ask your older daughter how she feels about it.

Not everyone who’s facing cancer wants to look at other people’s voluntarily shaved heads. Frankly, it can be an awful reminder that for them it’s a choice, and also when you want days of normalcy it acts like a constant reminder of your cancer.

AuroraJVanderbeak −  Have you thought of buying her a bald cap to let her “experience” a shaved head without the consequences?. NAH

Rainy_Grave −  Please explain how you are okay with your son possibly being injured falling off the counter. But cutting the hair, which will grow back, is just too traumatic to consider for your daughter. I think your spouse may be correct regarding the apparent gender based differences in your treatment of your children.

Magerimoje −  Has it occurred to you or your spouse that the desire to shave her head too might be a cry for attention because big sister who is sick is currently getting a LOT of attention (and 3 year olds – especially the strong willed ones – are ** *notorious* ** little attention seekers!

shiplauncherscousin −  Can you photo shop a favourite picture of her to show her what she would to look like?

1indaT −  NTA. She’s 3 and has no idea of what she is asking, and it would be months and months before it grew back to any length. I like another poster’s idea to let her get a haircut and see how that goes.

Disastrous_Cress_701 −  NTA Your daughter who is actually suffering doesn’t want her sister doing it. The cancer council in Australia encouraged people to also colour their hair a fun colour or do a crazy hair do.

loverecovery101 −  Very sorry you are going through this, sending you lots of love and well wishes. It’s great giving your child freedom to express themselves, but it’s also your responsibility as a parent to ya know, parent! Especially to a 3 year old! Which your husband seems to have forgotten.

Rather than shaving her hair completely off, why not cut it a bit shorter? Enough for her to feel included and feel the difference but not enough that she will get upset later on.

SirRabbott −  Sister “vehemently doesn’t want her to cut her hair” Put that in the post and we wouldn’t need the chapter. Obviously yall should do whatever the 12 yo with cancer is asking you to do wtf.

Solid_Bed_752 −  It’s just hair. She wants to be like her sister and that’s sweet. There’s no magic age when suddenly a parent believes a child knows best – pick your battles and IMO this isn’t one of them.

Is the mother right to protect her daughter from a choice she can’t fully understand? What do you think? Share your thoughts below!