AITA for not letting my dad’s friend inside the house?

A Reddit user shared a story about setting boundaries with her father, who repeatedly brought an unwelcome guest—a long-time family friend—into her and her mother’s home. After refusing to let this friend inside, her father became angry and accused her of being rude. Was the Redditor wrong for standing her ground, or was her father out of line for disregarding her comfort? Read the full story below!

‘ AITA for not letting my dad’s friend inside the house?’

I (F24) am a daughter to a divorced couple. They separated when I was 3 and since then I have always lived with my mom. I had a good relationship with my dad until I turned 14, when he started a family of his own and we rarely got to see each other. The frequent catching up became sporadic on both sides very quickly. 

The house where I live is my mom’s house, but before the divorce it was the house where we lived as a family. My dad is really familiar with the house and the entirety of the apartment complex. One of the other person living in our complex is my dad’s best friend, let’s call him Paul. They know each for 30+ years and my dad always describe him as a “family friend”. Both me and my mom never quite liked him.

After my parents divorced, when my mom and I meet Paul in the communal spaces we do some polite small talks but nothing more since we simply don’t enjoy his company but it has happened a couple of times that for complex related things he came up into our house uninvited. He is someone that doesn’t understand boundaries and that makes us really uncomfortable.

Last time, using a maintenance excuse, he stayed for two hours and a half, actively asking for coffee more than once and when he wanted something more to drink he just went straight to the fridge without asking. Trust me, I am a really welcoming person, but the way he acts and his soft entitlement really rubs me the wrong way.

Back to my dad. He just got a new job that makes him drive by my house, so it became a spontaneous habit for him to come by once every week. I was really excited at first but it became pretty apparent from the start that it was not going to be what I expected.

Three times out of the average four monthly visits he hangs out with Paul in my living room. Most of the time when I call to check when he will arrive, he is at Paul’s and they just come at my door and stay both for a couple of hours, take a coffee or two before vanishing. Last week when I asked my dad to come watch a movie it was no different. He called me, told me that he was at Paul’s and simply added “We’re coming in a minute”. I just snapped.

I told him that I wanted only him to come by and that I didn’t want Paul in the house. He asked me why and I explained that I just didn’t want Paul there. He exploded. He told me that I was extremely rude for not inviting him. He kept saying “Since when Paul cannot come to OUR house?”.

I just responded that technically that was not his house and that if he really wanted to spend some time with Paul they could have went elsewhere. He hung up on me and never showed up. I wasn’t expecting that reaction from him and I felt extremely betrayed because I thought our hanging time was more important than Paul.

When later I told my mom what happened she said that I did the right thing and that my dad is known to be dismissive and extremely angry when he doesn’t get what he wants. I still feel bad. Maybe I could have overlooked Paul’s presence but idk.. AITA?

These are the responses from Reddit users:

fernswordgirl432 −  NTA. Your mom knows this truth about your father: he’s a steamroller and will use guilt (and a false sense of entitlement) to get what he wants. Your mom needs to make it clear that Paul can’t come in. Unless he has an order from management for repairs, etc. and then you want verification of that.

But no letting him stay for forever. He may not have boundaries, but you and your mom can have them. Also, let the manager know that you aren’t comfortable with Paul coming over, and due to previous interactions, you want a phone call in advance if he’s meant to do any maintenance. Follow up.

As for your dad, let him be mad. He’s making his visiting you only on his terms. I’m sorry he’s such a disappointment. You are a good daughter for protecting your home.

Worth-Season3645 −  NTA….”Paul is not my father. You are. Sometimes, I just want to spend time with my dad. That does not appear to be the same for you. If you prefer Paul’s company over mine, I suggest you just see Paul from now on”. And keep telling Dad it is no longer his home to do with as he chooses.

MurnSwag2 −  NTA – You absolutely do not have to host creepy moocher Paul – ever. And you don’t even have to have an excuse for it (learn to say, “No” or “Sorry, that doesn’t work for me,” without an excuse. If they ask why, just repeat it.), but “I wanted to hang out with just you,” to your dad is a perfectly valid one.

I’m sorry your dad is prioritizing spending time with Paul over you. He’s trying to have his cake and eat it, too, by hosting Paul at your place where he doesn’t pay for groceries and utilities, too. It’s very selfish of him.

East_Parking8340 −  Your father forgets that he left both your mother and the home. He believes he is entitled to invite whoever he likes into the home that is no longer his. It seems that everything has to be on his terms or he’ll throw a temper tantrum like a 5 yo. Frankly, having a relative stranger (to you) just enter your home like that is a little alarming and you should trust your gut and not let him in again.. NTA.

nonameplz87654 −  Your dad is living in a dreamworld, where he never left. And Paul is an oblivious leech. NTA!!

Rondesu −  NTA. If you are not comfortable around someone for any reason, you should not be forced to be in that person’s company. Do not allow anyone to browbeat you into accepting the company of someone that you don’t like.

Evidently, time with you is not more important than time with Paul. If you wind up talking to your Dad about this at some point, be honest. I don’t know if that’s going to help with a personality type like your father’s but being honest is usually best.

blueavole −  NTA- if your dad wants to see you, he could come to see you. If he wants to see Paul- he could hang out in Paul’s apartment. The fact that he invades your home to see Paul- is entitled and delusional.

Your dad wants credit for seeing you, but really wants to hang out with his friend. That’s not ok. You are 24, and your dad needs to realize that he can either have a respectful adult relationship with you- or not at all.

Forward-Dingo1431 −  Why should you allow someone in your home that makes you uncomfortable. If your father wants to spend time with you, he can do it without this strange man tagging along. If this person ever steps foot in your place again without proper notification and good reason, notify management.

In the future, let people know when something is really bothering you, especially when such important boundaries are being crossed so such blatant disrespect doesn’t go unchecked. NTA.

ReviewOk929 −  NTA – If your Dad and Paul want to hangout they can find somewhere else to do it. This would test my patience no end and I’d put a stop to it as Dad is obviously just wanting hang with his buddy NOT me. F**k that s**t.

Maleficent-Bottle674 −  NTA. Your dad is an a**hole and there’s a reason why he is so chummy with a man who is entitled, makes you uncomfortable, and breaks boundaries. Men’s friends reflect their character especially their character regarding women.

Paul is not just staying around because he likes a house It’s because there’s a much younger woman around you. Paul is going to c**ep up on you and your dad is going to dismiss it when it happens and tell you that you’re overreacting or that you should take it as a compliment. Your dad is not a safe man to be around.