AITA for not inviting my mom to my wedding because she hates my fiancé for being short?

A Redditor shares a tough decision involving her mother and her upcoming wedding. From the start, her mom has been openly critical of her fiancé, Mark, solely because of his height.

What started as subtle remarks escalated to the point of hurtful comments during their engagement celebration, leaving the couple embarrassed and frustrated. Determined to make her wedding a day of positivity, she made the difficult choice not to invite her mom, who is now furious and accusing her daughter of prioritizing Mark over family.

‘ AITA for not inviting my mom to my wedding because she hates my fiancé for being short?’

I (35F) am engaged to my wonderful fiancé – Mark (38M). He’s an incredible guy—smart, funny, and treats me with so much love and respect. The only “problem” is that he’s 5’4″. I love his height, because that’s a part of him, but my mom (60F) never lets me forget this. From the moment I started dating Mark, she’s made it clear that she disapproves of him because of his height.

At first, I brushed it off, but her comments have only gotten worse over time. She regularly tells me I could do “better” and that I deserve someone “taller and more masculine.” During one family gathering, she even asked me, “How do you feel about being the one who wears the pants in the relationship?” I was furious and embarrassed. We ended up fighting over it and we didn’t talk for a week.

When Mark proposed, I hoped my mom would be excited and maybe even come around. I invited her over to celebrate, but instead of being happy for me, she spent the entire dinner making fun of Mark. She said things like, “Just make sure to buy a step stool for your wedding day!” It was beyond embarrassing, and I could see Mark getting sad and frustrated. She really ruined this wonderful day for him.

After that dinner, I knew I had to make a difficult decision. I want my wedding to be filled with love and joy, not my mom’s negativity, and I don’t want Mark to feel bad about himself on this day. So, I decided not to invite her.

Now, she’s livid and claims I’m being unreasonable. She says I’m cutting off family over “a few height jokes” and that I’ll regret not having my family at my wedding. Mark is happy with my choice too.. So, was I too harsh on my mom?

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

TopAd7154 −  NTA. Your mother is a b**ly. Why would anyone want their b**ly at their wedding?  Your mother sounds awful. And f**king stupid. Being tall doesnt necessarily make you a good person. I know loads of tall, arrogant pricks. They’re for the streets. 

Have the best wedding day surrounded by people who love you and Mark for who you are. Be sure to return the same energy to your mother. Start making some “harmelss” b**ly comments. 

SydneyLavendeerr −  NTA. Your mom’s behavior is completely unacceptable. It’s ur wedding, and u have the right to create a positive and supportive environment for u and ur fiance.

Realistic-Battle-429 −  NTA. She’s not throwing a few height jokes she’s tearing down your fiancé and your relationship. If she can’t respect him, she doesn’t belong at your wedding. Simple as that!

MajesticPin6411 −  Mom should have been asked to leave dinner. OP learning not to sit through her hatefulness and biting your tongue will make addressing her behaviour easier. She owes you and especially your fiancé a massive apology and a good amount of grovelling.

Not wrong for holding her accountable. Kinda wrong for making nice and tolerating it as it was taking place. By allowing it to continue and only acting after the fact it invites outside interference, and more drama. I would confront her.

“Why the hell would you even want to come when you have made it very apparent you don’t approve. And why the hell would I welcome someone who has treat my relationship and fiancé with nothing but contempt. Regardless of whoever the hell they are. We don’t need or want hateful vitriol on our special day.

Now you go ahead and think about how YOU and YOUR sanctimonious behaviour is costing your relationship with your daughter. I don’t want to hear from you until you’re ready to address this properly, because if I hear any more demands I’ll be cutting all contact until after our honeymoon “
Eloping is always an option, and it’s about the marriage not the wedding. NTA.

VastConsideration126 −  I would tell her I won’t regret not having you there. I do regret letting you share in special moments that YOU ruined with your height jokes. This is your fault and I won’t be guilted into hurting my fiance even more. Do better or we are done.

RedneckDebutante −  If you find a man in his late 30’s and his only downside is being short, you snap that dude up right quick. Good for you!
And the obligatory if you didn’t laugh, it ain’t a joke.

talithar1 −  Why did you not shut your mom down at her first disparaging remark? A week without talking? And then have her over to celebrate Mark’s proposal? Did something make you think she has changed her mind? An apology, perhaps? And yet you allowed her to stay at your celebratory dinner, making n**ty comment about your now fiancé? And Mark, getting sad and frustrated, just took it, right? You had a big hand in ruining this day for him. Did it ruin it for you, too?

I think it’s too bad you waited until the wedding to disinclude her, when you could have set boundaries at the crack of the first “joke”. You are the AH for allowing your mother to continuously insult Mark.

hip_hop_sweetheart −  NTA – She decided to be an AH and now she’s mad that she’s reaping the consequences of it. Keep her bad vibes away from your special day. 🥰

WhiteKnightPrimal −  NTA. What your mum has been doing is called b**lying. You don’t have to be a kid/teen to be a b**ly or a victim of b**lying.
You’re doing right by Mark, and he’s your family, soon to be your husband.

Your wedding day should be a special day celebrating the two of you and your love and commitment to each other, a day you both remember happily because it was just right for you. Your mum will ruin that for both of you. Mark would get bullied on his wedding day, and you’ll be stressing about protecting your new husband from your mother.

These weren’t ‘jokes’. Jokes are things everyone finds funny, not comments everyone hates and she’s been told to stop multiple times. She knows she wasn’t joking, too, she’s only saying she was to diminish what she’s done and to make you feel like you’re in the wrong for your completely reasonable and correct decision.

Keep your mum uninvited, and have the special wedding day you and Mark want. You might want to consider at least going LC with your mum going forward, too, she won’t stop b**lying Mark and trying to guilt you into letting her.

[Reddit User] −  Your mom sucks but wow took you this long to stand up for your partner. You sir are a crummy partner. Your fiance deserves better.