AITA for not inviting my husband’s sister on his 40th birthday trip?

A woman planned a surprise trip to Nashville for her husband’s 40th birthday, inviting three close couple friends (including his cousins) who share their love of country music. When the husband’s sister found out, she was furious about not being invited, despite not being close to her brother or the group,

and her dislike for country music. The sister and their mom have since accused the wife of being hurtful. The wife sees the trip as a friends’ getaway, not a traditional family birthday celebration, but questions whether she should have included the sister. read the original story below…

‘ AITA for not inviting my husband’s sister on his 40th birthday trip?’

My husband (39M) has never been to Nashville but has been talking about wanting to go for years and years. I decided to try to plan a trip as a gift for his 40th. I wanted to keep it a surprise if at all possible. I rented a 4 bed, 4 bath AirBNB, and invited three of our closest couple friends,

with whom we hang out all the time, have gone to multiple country concerts with, as well as previous spring break trips. Relevant to the story is that two of those couples are my husband’s cousins and their spouses.

Last week my husband’s sister (42F) found out about the upcoming trip and had an absolute meltdown. She screamed at me for denying her the opportunity to be at her only sibling’s surprise 40th birthday celebration. I was taken aback. I never viewed this trip as a traditional 40th birthday celebration.

If I had planned something local with more friends and family she would have absolutely been at the top of the guest list. Since she found out her mom (my mother-in-law) has been texting me how hurtful I am being. Important to add IMO is that my husband and his sister are not particularly close.

She’s also not close with her cousins (our closest couples friends). We see her maybe 6 times a year for holidays and kids’ birthdays. She also does not care for country music and makes snarky comments about how terrible it is. She never crossed my mind as someone who would enjoy Nashville.

However, I’m trying to be objective and see her side of things. AITA for planning this as more of a friends’ trip and not considering this more of a 40th birthday trip that his only sister should have been included in?

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Charming-Ad-2381 −  NTA she’s just butthurt over being left out of something. Honestly it’s very strange she chose this to meltdown over, makes me think other things are happening in her life and she’s chosen you/this trip as an outlet punching bag. Are you payying for the AirBnB & travel for everyone? If so, it may also be jealousy over that.

Waste_Worker6122 −  NTA. Her reaction is proof positive why not inviting her was the right call.

East_Parking8340 −  If his sister really, really wants to share the experience there is nothing stopping her from booking her own accommodation and transport and meeting you there. NB. that *could* work well as you would necessarily part ways to go to your own accommodations.

However, as she hasn’t even suggested this I suspect it’s less your H’s birthday and more the expectation she will somehow get to go for free. At the end of the day she doesn’t actually have a ‘right’ to go with you and considering, the siblings are not exactly close, she doesn’t even have a moral right.

However, do not be surprised if she completely ruins the surprise and tells your H out of spite.. NTA

Wonderful-Result2036 −  NTA The bigger issue here I think is that a 40-something woman is throwing a tantrum and running to complain to mommy over a trip she was not invited to because… FOMO? This behavior is i**olerable in a toddler.  From an adult it’s pathetic 

0biterdicta −  NTA She sounds like a child throwing a tantrum because someone said “no”. If it’s so important for her to celebrate her brother’s 40th, she’s welcome to plan something herself.

ElGato6666 −  NTA. She doesn’t want to go on this trip. What she DOES want is to cause problems.

needabook55 −  NTA. She probably thinks you are paying for everyone going on the trip and wants a free vacation on your dime. I would tell your husband about the trip now in case his sister calls him to complain that you didn’t invite her on the trip…

or his mother calls him to whine about her precious daughter not being invited to her sons birthday party.

BeeGeesFan76 −  No, no way. Don’t let them b**ly you into letting her go or making you feel guilty. If she would’ve been that close, the cousins could’ve spoken up or would’ve spoken up about how it would be nice to invite her but they didn’t so enjoy your trip guilt free.

Familiar-Parfait-408 −  If you asked your husband what he would want, how would he answer?

Primary-Friend-7615 −  The sister’s reaction is over the top, and she’s in the wrong for that. But the fact that two of your three “closest couple friends” are his relatives is definitely muddying the waters here. You’re seeing it as you guys going on vacation with your 6 closest friends, and excluding your families.

SIL is seeing it as you guys going on vacation with 4 shared family members of the same age, and excluding her. NAH because you guys are coming at this from different angles and you’re being a bit oblivious to the optics. I think she’s out of line in how she reacted, but I can see why she’s hurt and lashing out.

Should milestone celebrations prioritize family over shared interests, even when relationships aren’t close? What do you think about the wife’s decision? Share your thoughts below!