AITA for not inviting my dad’s “love” to my wedding or his sometimes family?

A Redditor shares a complex family situation surrounding their upcoming wedding. They have a strained relationship with their father, who has had a tumultuous on-and-off relationship with a woman referred to as his “love.” This relationship has caused emotional turmoil, especially considering their father’s infidelity during the Redditor’s mother’s life.

When planning the wedding guest list, the Redditor decided to invite only their dad, not including his “love” or her children, which has upset their father. The Redditor feels justified in their decision to keep their wedding free from the drama of their father’s romantic entanglements. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for not inviting my dad’s “love” to my wedding or his sometimes family?’

My dad has this long time “love” who he has been on and off with since before I (26m) was born. He was with my mom for 7 years during one of their breakups. He cheated on mom with this “love” and when mom died he went public with them getting back together. It was one of her kids who let the cat out of the bag about them being together behind my mom’s back.

Their relationship did not get the happily ever after at any point. They continued getting together and breaking up. They did marry each other eventually and divorced once and remarried. But I have no idea if they’re married currently or not. But they are still very on and off.

She has 5 or 6 kids with other men. My dad and her do not have kids together. I don’t consider her or her kids my family. I don’t have a relationship with any of them. If I see them whatever but I don’t keep in touch or hang out with any of them. Even when she and dad are together if he reaches out and wants to spend time with me I don’t pay her much attention.

My dad considers her the love of his life and always calls her his love, hence the “love” because meh, it’s messy I’m not even going to pretend otherwise. My relationship with dad is not very strong. But he is my dad and the only parent I’ve had since the age of 6 and even if he sucks he makes an effort.

I’m just tired of being a part of their love story. He fucked over my mom while she was alive with that woman and both were unfair to all other partners because they’ll always cheat and find a way back to each other. So when my fiancée and I talked about the guest list we decided to invite dad, and dad alone for that “side” of my family.

My entire maternal side will be here because I am close to them. But I never met the extended side on dad’s and this woman and her many kids are not family. But my dad wants them there. He hasn’t said whether he and his “love” are together right now but he feels like I’m unfair in inviting him to come alone.

I told him the invite isn’t a summons and he can say no to coming if he’s against it but I will not play sometimes family with these people and I will not have my future kids exposed to the on and off nature of his relationship with this woman. Dad told me she’d make an excellent grandmother and I told him it’s a good thing she has kids who can make her one then. He thinks I’m wrong for my decision. AITA?

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Kaynico −  NTA. All your arguments were very well articulated. “I’m extending you a solo invite purely out of recognition of your failed attempts to be a family. Your lack of moral integrity will not bleed into my celebration of love with my wife to be.

If you cannot respect why we have no space for an on-and-off again homewreking side piece and her unrelated offspring, then you probably shouldn’t attend either as the entire purpose of the day is so incomprehensible to you.  It’s not a kegger for you to party at and put on a show, it’s a true celebration of the sanctity of marriage and the respect of a real, committed relationship.”

Scenarioing −   “I told him the invite isn’t a summons and he can say no to coming” —NTA for the reasons you stated and it is good that you are also accepting for this potential outcome to occur.

LouisV25 −  NTA. Not only is it your choice, I wouldn’t want to be involved in that drama. I wouldn’t want my children in that drama. She and your father may be content in their dysfunction but you don’t have to be. They are in a relationship not conjoined twins. He can come solo to support you or not at all. He has no right to bring her or her kids.

lostalldoubt86 −  NTA- Your dad might call this woman his love, but I would call her his affair partner. You made it clear that he is just barely invited, so adding people on is completely unacceptable.

laughinglovinglivid −  NTA. What you said was perfect; an invite *isn’t* a summons, and he’s more than welcome not to attend.

SubjectBuilder3793 −  NTA. Hire a bouncer. You are going to need one.

CandylandCanada −  NTA. Your response was perfect; leave it at that.

MeowPrincessxoxo −  Honestly, you’re not the AH. It’s your wedding, your rules. You’re not obligated to invite someone just because your dad wants them there, especially with all that history. Protect your peace and enjoy your day with the people who actually matter to you.

Popular-Way-7152 −  NTA. <Prince William has entered the chat

Danube_Kitty −  NTA. That woman and her kids are his mess. You as and adult can finally.set a wall to keep that mess out of your life. You dad doesn’t have to like it. But he has to respect that the only person who decides who is or is not part of your life is you.

Was the Redditor justified in their decision to exclude their father’s “love” and her children from the wedding, or is there a better way to approach this family situation? How would you handle the complexities of family relationships during significant life events? Share your thoughts below!