AITA for not inviting a girl to a museum with me and my friends?
A Reddit user shares their confusion after a classmate became upset for not being invited to the Sherlock Holmes Museum. Despite only being acquaintances who interact at university.
The classmate felt excluded and accused the user of being rude and callous. Now, the user questions if they’ve done something wrong. Read the full story below for all the details and context.
‘ AITA for not inviting a girl to a museum with me and my friends?’
Hey guys. I feel like I’m going insane and really need some advice here. I (20F) currently attend university. I’d like to think I’m pretty well liked on my course, and I know/speak to a big amount of people. One of these people we’ll call Mary.
Mary is a HUGE Sherlock fan, especially BBC Sherlock— she had a picture of Martin Freeman as her lockscreen for a long time, for example. It’s something we bonded over, I saw one of her projects was Sherlock based and we got talking.
We’ve known each other about two or so years now, but we’re the sort of friends you only see or speak to inside of university. I’ve never hung out with her one on one or outside of school. We don’t really message either.
I moved to London for university, and my friends from my home town were coming up for a concert, so obviously we decided to hang out that day. They’re also both big fans of Sherlock, so we decided to buy tickets to the Sherlock Holmes museum at 221B. It was great fun!
We took a lot of photos while in there and so, a few days later, I made a post on Instagram. I didn’t think anything of it at all. I saw that Mary had liked the post, and thought we’d be able to talk about it next time I saw her, but that was it. Well, come the next time I was in the studio, and Mary was super off with me.
Even the other people I was around noticed and asked what was up, but she refused to speak to anyone. Eventually someone got it out of her that she was really upset that I went to the museum without her, that she loves it there and I know it’s something she would’ve wanted to do.
She said it was extremely rude and made her feel left out and excluded. I tried to explain that I went with friends from home, and I was sorry if I upset her, but she just kept saying it was a callous and mean thing to do and ended up going home early. I’m just confused. I don’t think I’ve done anything wrong??
We’ve NEVER hung out before, and why would I invite someone from my course who I only sort of know to the one day every few months I get to see my home friends? Is it as crazy as I think for her to expect me to invite her along just because it’s something Sherlock themed? Please help!
TLDR; Girl from my course thinks I should’ve invited her with me and my home town friends to the Sherlock museum because she likes Sherlock, even though we’ve never hung out before.
Check out how the community responded:
Forward-Dingo1431 − It’s definitely a bit off for her to react that way. Even if you were a little closer, it still doesn’t require an invite just because you did something that she finds interesting. It’s very presumptuous on her part, and like I said, a bit off. NTA
HappySummerBreeze − I would guess that this girl doesn’t have a lot of friends and she thinks you’re better friends with her than you do.. NTA
Mundane_Loss1734 − NTA, i feel like she’s victimizing herself way too much, especially after being told the circumstances. i understand you might feel left out when you see a friend doing smth you really like/wanted to do too, but she’s gotta understand not everything revolves around her.
i don’t know if your other friends were visible in the pictures, but if they were, just imagining her seeing those ppl she’s never seen in her life and still be mad seems irrational to me. it would be obvious you were out with a griup that’s got nothing to do with her.
instead of getting mad she could’ve also just proposed you guys also go there at some point or be more mature, as you’d expect from a 20 yo, and not give you the silent treatment over such a small thing. anyway, i think it’s good this happened to some extent as having ppl who love to victimize themselves over anything and everything is such a hassle.
BeachBumbershoot − NTA. A rational person would have been happy you got to do something cool, asked questions about it, and asked to go with you the next time you do something related to Sherlock, then bought tickets and gone with her own friends.
This is how crazy friends are avoided. If her feelings were hurt, a quick “I wish you would have thought to invite me!” and acceptance of your explanation should have been the end it.
No-Clerk-9739 − NTA but perhaps she’s thinking there’s more to your relationship than just being school friends? A conversation may be in order to find out why she felt this so strongly I’m thinking.
apothekryptic − You are NTA. She’s out of line. Perhaps she’s struggling with social engagement and the kindness you’ve shown her has meant more than you realized, but that doesn’t mean she is entitled to an invite. She could have approached it differently and said hey, if you’re planning on going again I’d love to tag along!
moronictwatgoblin − NTA. Lots of people bond over common interests. That does not give them ownership over those common interests. Just because Mary loves Sherlock does not mean she is automatically invited to any and all sherlock events.
She may have had an argument if you were inviting university friends, but it was your hometown friends. It had nothing to do with her. If Mary wants to go to the Sherlock museum with you so bad, she can just invite you there. The museum isn’t going anywhere, she can still go there with you anytime.
TracklessTinder − NTA. You have the right to spend time with your friends from your hometown and keep these friendships alive and separate from newer friendships, so you did nothing wrong. That being said, your post makes me think about Mary.
We all form perceptions of relationships in our minds, and it may be that Mary took your common interest in Sherlock Holmes to be a closer connection to her than it is to you. We never know how our actions are going to land with others, and we never really know what is going on in other people’s lives; she might have really felt excluded and hurt.
Again, you can’t read minds and did nothing wrong, but going forward, if you want to have good, friendly relations with Mary, you might want to talk to her about her reaction.
carlosmurphynachos − NTA, but maybe Mary thought you were better friends than you are. But still, it comes off a desperate to invite yourself or expect an invite when it another group of friends.
sunflowerpolkadot − NTA, she may have wished you invited her but she’s ignoring a lot of understandable social dynamics. You did nothing wrong at all, ignore her and she missed out on being a better friend of yours by acting childishly.
Do you think the Redditor was wrong for not inviting their classmate to a personal outing with close friends, or is the classmate overreacting to the situation? How would you navigate friendships when interests overlap but relationships differ? Share your thoughts and perspectives below!