AITA for not including my SIL in photos during my bachelorette party because she wore white?

A bride-to-be shared her frustration after her soon-to-be sister-in-law (SIL) wore a white, bridal-looking outfit to her bachelorette party, despite clear plans for everyone to wear pink. Feeling that the SIL intentionally violated the dress code, the bride excluded her from group photos, sparking backlash from her brother and SIL.

The situation has caused family tension, with accusations of bullying and bridezilla behavior flying. Read the full story to understand the dynamics and decide for yourself.

‘ AITA for not including my SIL in photos during my bachelorette party because she wore white?’

I’m getting married (yay!) and my brother “John” asked me to include his girlfriend “Sarah” as a bridesmaid as a way to get her involved with our family since he wants to propose soon. I wasn’t happy (she’s quite snobbish, almost in a comically villainous way.

She once made fun of the fact that I get most of my groceries from the local big box super center and not somewhere with more “high quality product”). But I love John and it mattered a lot to him, so I agreed. Onto the issue: on the final night of my bachelorette party, we decided to have one “big” meal that was really pricey and fancy that we all saved up for.

Sarah said she had to take an emergency work meeting and for us to go ahead first (the restaurant was walkable from our hotel). Guys, when Sarah showed up, I was FLOORED. She came in a white sparkly sequin number with a tulle skirt and a tiara. When we were planning the trip,

my MOH made it abundantly clear that everyone was supposed to wear pink so we could get a really cute photo together at the restaurant. I’m not even kidding, her outfit was so bridal looking the waitress actually asked if we were having a joint bachelorette party. I was so upset, that when it came time to take photos I absolutely refused to have Sarah in them.

She said it wasn’t her fault because she “didn’t get the memo”, but I told her it was common sense to not wear a bridal looking dress to a bachelorette party if you’re not the bride!Plus, she was in the group chat and even made comments about another girl’s outfit when we were talking about what we wanted to wear, so I know she knew!

All of my friends were on my side and they made sure she didn’t end up in the photos. When we got home, she pitched a fit to my brother saying that we bullied her at my party and deliberately left her out. She was also pissed because a lot of family and friends noticed she wasn’t in the photos and I wasn’t afraid to tell them exactly why.

My brother’s really upset though because she’s been crying and whining about it nonstop since. Apparently they’re both so mad that they’re going to skip father’s day brunch, so the whole thing is blowing up even more.

I’m starting to feel bad because my mom told me that my brother and Sarah were fighting a lot now, so I’m not sure if I’m being the AH here. My brother called me a bridezilla, but I really feel like Sarah was trying to ruin my night.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Anxious-Ocelot-712 −  NTA! A TIARA and a TULLE SKIRT? All in white? Someone was clearly jealous of the attention you were getting. If the drama continues, I would reduce the size of the bridal party by one. Lord knows what kind of stunt she would pull on the wedding day. Edit: Holy cow, y’all! I’m a baby Redditor, and the response has been amazing! AND my first-ever award! Thank you SO MUCH!

townwitchkeebs −  NTA because tiara.

Tessa_Kamoda −  NTA. dear john, i really didn’t want sarah in my bridal party since i do not know / like her. there is no bond, no chemistry between us. but you, my brother, whom i love & cherish pleaded and begged me to invite her. for your sake i invited her despite my misgivings. and as i feared she tried to ruin our party, tried to be ‘the’ spotlight.

we, my moh, the bridesmaids and i, disagreed to it. after she doubled down and blatenly lied about the dress code for this evening – everbody had to wear pink for the photos – we made sure as she did not wear pink she wasn’t in the photos, plain and simple. since she also does not accept / acknowledge that she was in the wrong and blew everything out of proportion,

please inform her that she is hereby not only demoted but also uninvited from my wedding. not as a guest herself, not as a +1. she is persona non invitatur (not invited). she is persona non grata (not welcome). her behavior lead me to the conclusion that she will do everything to ruin the wedding.

and this i am not willing to risk, let alone accept. should you decide to not attend my wedding to show solidarity with her, well, i will miss you. but my decision stands and i will not be bullied to change my mind. i am sorry.’ eta: a big **thank you** for the awards.

NotSoSure8765 −  NTA. This is a pretty cut and dry case of “f around and find out” to me. Actions have consequences, and she behaved not only inappropriately from a “social norms” pov but also from a simple “following instructions as part of a bridal party” pov. Is it possible that she wasn’t trying to ruin the dinner and made a mistake in outfit choice?

Sure, maybe she just has terrible judgment and social awkwardness. But even if that was the case, she’d not be entitled to be in the designated group photo where everyone’s wearing pink, and a normal person would be remorseful and embarrassed about that kind of mistake. Even if that was true, you’re also not responsible for her relationship with your brother.

More likely, your gut was correct and she was acting maliciously for any number of dumb reasons, making her TA. It’s not like you refused to let her partake in the fancy dinner or kicked her out of the wedding party, right? It’s a photo. So congrats on the wedding and you need to ignore this woman while she fizzles out. Hope your brother learns from this and stops taking it out on you.

HIOP-Sartre −  So a snobbish girl with the moxie to lie about not knowing the agreed-upon rule has the gall to show up like a bride (w/ a tiara, mind you) to your bachelorette party, then proceeds to throw a fit to your brother while g**lighting everyone,

thereby driving a wedge in the family which ultimately leads to an asinine idea of skipping father’s day brunch in a stupid protest. Lol, if John ends up marrying her, you’re in for a lifetime of headache. Good luck.. NTA.

PersonalityNo1096 −  Nta, she was wearing a tiara…. a tiara to someone else’s Bachelorette party. She knew exactly what she was doing.

dahmerpartyofone −  NTA But I’d remove her immediately from the bridal party. She sounds like someone who would “accidentally trip,” and spill something on a white dress. I wouldn’t put it past her to demand he proposes during your reception. Good luck with this one.

david4michael −  I know this is mostly women commenting on this post but even as a man id say kick her out of your bridal party. This wont be her last go at ruining your special day.

Amar_Akbar_Anthony20 −  NTA, Guys, when Sarah showed up, I was FLOORED. She came in a white sparkly sequin number with a tulle skirt and a tiara. The f**k, and deliberately left her out. She was also pissed because a lot of family and friends noticed she wasn’t in the photos and I wasn’t afraid to tell them exactly why. F**k around and find out SIL. SIL wore a f**king tiara please.

Shot-Tomato-5512 −  NTA at all. I can’t believe some people here are saying YTA to this when she clearly knew not to wear white and was told what to wear basically and even said in the post that she looked like a bride. It was so disrespectful of her to do that to you and take away your moment.