AITA for not including an ex-bridesmaid in wedding events?

A Reddit user (29F) shared a dilemma about handling a friend who stepped down from their bridal party over a dress disagreement. After the friend’s departure, the bride excluded her from wedding party events like the bachelorette dinner, rehearsal dinner, and head table seating.

While the bride sees this as a natural boundary for non-bridal party members, the friend feels excluded and accuses her of being vindictive. Read the full story below to decide if the bride’s actions were fair.

‘ AITA for not including an ex-bridesmaid in wedding events? ‘

I (29f) am getting married soon and I recently had one of my bridesmaids decide to step down from the wedding as she didn’t like the dresses I had asked them to wear. This was fine, we had a polite discussion about it and it’s a voluntary position so it wasn’t like I was going to try to force her to stay in the party if she really didn’t want to wear the dress.

The problem is that because she’s not in the party anymore, I’ve removed her from the bridesmaid groupchat, she won’t be invited to the bachelorette dinner (we hadn’t started planning this when she dropped so she isn’t out any money or PTO taken or anything).

And she also won’t be going to the rehearsal dinner, getting ready with the bridesmaids the day of, or sitting at the head table. To me this made perfect sense – all this stuff is for the wedding party, or in some cases for family and out-of-town guests (she is neither).

Her perspective is that she was invited to all of this before and she should still be as a good friend of mine for many years, and that by excluding her after she decided to step down I’m being vindictive. AITA?

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Malibu_Cola −  NTA. She stepped down, she doesn’t get to participate in the wedding party activities. She’s suffering from a bad case of main character syndrome. She stepped down because she doesn’t like the dresses, and then expects to be a part of the wedding party activities.

RoyallyOakie −  NTA…She stepped down, so she’s just a regular guest now. You don’t show up to a company picnic after you quit your job. It sounds like you were graciously polite about her stepping down, so this should have been drama-free.

Mountain-Pear-1682 −  NTA, part of being a bridesmaid is wearing whatever dress you’re told to without complaint. She doesn’t want to be a bridesmaid she doesn’t get to do all the fun bridesmaid related things.

Clean_Factor9673 −  NTA. Stepping down means attending as a guest; guests don’t buy the dress, come to dress appointments, attend Bach, get ready with the bridesmaids, be in pictures other than general reception shots (not posed ones) or sit at the head table. At this point just disinvite her if invitations have been sent.

mxquint −  I’m going to say you’re NTA. However: 1. The bachelorette party, or ‘hen party’ as we call it in the UK, is typically for all your close girlfriends, cousins and your fave gay besties including those who didn’t make the cut as bridesmaids. So, you could invite her if you wish.

2. As for the rehearsal dinner, I think those tend to be very intimate affairs – your one chance to be surrounded just by your family, his family, the wedding party, and a few close friends. It’s understandable that you’d want it to be more personal,

which is why it might not be the right setting for someone who isn’t in the inner circle, even if she’s a friend you considered for your wedding party but couldn’t include due to distance. But still, you’re NTA, because ultimately, it’s your day, and you should feel comfortable with the choices you make.

WatchingTellyNow −  By opting out of being a bridesmaid, she also opted out of bridesmaid activities. It’s not rocket science.

Garden_Lady2 −  Have a wonderful wedding and a great future. NTA, she’s being so unreasonable it isn’t funny! She’s the one who pulled out of the party for a strictly narcissistic reason, or so it appears anyway. So she doesn’t like how the dress looks on her, boo hoo.

She doesn’t get to then do the fun stuff (for her) without any of the responsibilities that go along with it. Sometimes the truth of a friendship shows up under stressful times. I think this is one of those times. She’s not as much of a friend as you thought she was.

hannahkelli −  NTA. You’re not excluding her from anything – she opted out. Of course, it’s not surprising that someone who steps down from being a bridesmaid because she doesn’t like the dress thinks the natural consequences of that choice are you being vindictive.

Anyway, this isn’t even a question. She chose not to be in the wedding party, so now she’s not in the wedding party. Simple as that.

MaeSilver909 −  I thought all friends & family were invited to the bachelorette party? I totally get the non-invite to the other events but I’ve been invited to bachelorette parties & not been part of the wedding party.

Zestyclose_Bison_499 −  NTA she decided a dress was more important than being there for a friend

Do you think the bride’s decision to exclude her ex-bridesmaid from wedding events was reasonable, or should long-standing friendship take precedence over formal roles? How would you balance inclusivity with practicality in such a situation? Share your thoughts below!