AITA for not helping my broke parents?

A person reflects on their decision not to help their financially struggling parents, who are now broke after years of poor financial decisions, including investing in a Ponzi scheme. Despite being asked for financial advice over the years, the user’s recommendations were consistently ignored.

When their parents requested assistance to pay off their mortgage without offering equity, the user decided against helping, feeling their parents would likely repeat past mistakes. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for not helping my broke parents?’

Backstory, my parents have a long history of terrible financial and money related decisions. Growing up I was led to believe we were essentially poor and just scraping by. Asking to participate in school related or other activities that required money was always a no. I started working at a young age, bought my own car, insurance, etc.

Everything I had as an adolescent I earned myself. As I got older realized both my parents had decent paying jobs, money was coming in and they were even putting some money away for retirement, despite the impression they gave me. Around the time I left to live on my own, they started spending above their means.

Long vacations to tropical destinations, new cars every year, they even boat a boat. They also purchased several time-shares as well as got involved in MLM and get rich quick type schemes. To “afford” it they repeatedly re-financed their home, resetting the mortgage and taking out equity.

They would also open credit cards and transfer balances around to get promotional rates without paying down the debt. The frustrating part if that over the years they would ask me for advice about various financial decision or a new scheme they found.

I would take my time to research and explain why I didn’t think it was a good decision. In every single case, they ignored my advice and did whatever they wanted. Ok now for the big event … they call me not too long ago and proceed to tell me that all of their money is gone, they are broke.

They explained that over the past several years they have been emptying out their retirement accounts and putting it in a retirement “fund” run by a good friend. Well it turns out this fund was a Ponzi scheme and as all Ponzi schemes eventually do it collapsed. I’ve gone through the full gamut of emotions since they told me.

I’m angry that they decided to hide this “fund” from me for years, most likely because they knew I would tell them something wasn’t right about it. How they bought into the promise of unrealistic returns, even with all the red flags. They had no reservations asking me for financial assistance.

Even though they are retired they still have a mortgage, no surprise there. They floated the idea of me paying their mortgage for them, but without providing me any equity in return. I decided not to help them, I feel like they’ve never taken my advice, were excessively frugal when I was young, and even if I did help them they would probably find a way to squander it.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Snuffles2023 −  OP, yes, they would absolutely find a way to squander the money you put into the house. They would also expect you to assist them in other ways … utilities, groceries, transportation. Eventually they’ll want to move in with you.

They chose to bring you into this world and were obligated to care for you; however, you are not required to care for your parents. It sounds like they expected you to be a minimal financial burden on them growing up, so they should be prepared to live the same way themselves.

Did they ever offer to take you on vacation with them? If they never shared with you when money was bountiful, why should they expect your financial help now? They are only in your life now because they want your money.. NTA.

mortalmisery999 −  NTA. Your parents were irresponsible with their money, and their current situation is the result of their own terrible decisions. Had they given you financial support when you were younger, I might have voted otherwise, but it sounds like they provided nothing but the bare minimum. You get what you pay for.

No_Cockroach4248 −  NTA, your parents were greedy and bet the house on a get rich quick scheme. They have to downsize (sell up and move to a small apartment) and get back into the workforce. if you help them, you will enable them and they will drag you down with them because they will not change and will be chasing the next get rich quick scheme.

if you want to help them, get them professional help to manage their finances. They have not listened to you in the past, they won’t listen to you now, they might listen to professionals

pottersquash −  NTA. Although, if theres sufficient equity in house, and they are of age, could be a situation where you are just assuming the mortgage for property you eventually inherit. Just saying, something to look in to.

Ok-Position7403 −  Wow OP I’m so sorry. This is not fair to you at all. How long ago did you find this out? YWNBTA to make whatever decision you can live with. It sounds like you’re already trying to think of ways to help them so clearly you are not comfortable telling them, too bad so sad, because you are a good moral person.

Take some more time with this and whatever you decide you are willing to do, present as a fact, not a discussion, with lawyers involved to protect yourself. They don’t get a vote. They get whatever help you feel comfortable providing and if that’s zero…. so be it. Whatever you decide just be 100% sure you’re comfortable with it. I’m so sorry.

[Reddit User] −  Nta. Do not give them money

mdthomas −  They made the decisions that got them in to the mess. You are not obligated to bail them out… Even if you decided to give them some money, what indication do you have that they would change their behavior?. NTA

Remote-Visual7976 −  NTA- There is an old saying “you don’t solve money problems with money.” The pattern will not change no matter if you bleed yourself dry helping them.

Deep_Interview_3337 −  Hey, I know this is a hard situation, but I’m telling you, you have to distance yourself emotionally from your parents’ decisions. They do sound still young enough in a sense that It doesn’t sound like they are 70 or 74 years old (correct me if I’m wrong) but I’m telling you right now things will not get easier with your parents as they age.

They literally become like children’s. I’m not saying that it’s easy to do but you have to tell them that they messed up and if they cannot afford a house anymore, they need to sell it and they can rent and live on a budget.

You are definitely NTA you gave them advice on multiple occasions and if they want any retribution from anyone it should be from the people who took their money.

Personal-Worth5126 −  Cut them loose. “Sorry i can’t help you.” And leave it at that. Try and imagine what they HAVEN’T told you. If you really want to put your purse down, say, “You got yourself into this mess, you can get yourself out.” The end. 

Was the user justified in refusing to help their parents, given their history of ignoring advice and poor financial choices? How would you handle a similar situation? Share your thoughts below!