AITA – for not having sister in law in wedding party?

A Redditor shares their dilemma about not including their sister-in-law in their wedding party. While they initially considered her for the role, they ultimately decided on just four bridesmaids, all close friends, per their fiancé’s preference. Though the sister-in-law seemed fine when told, the mother-in-law later revealed she and her husband were upset, citing family ties as a reason to include her. Now, the Redditor wonders if they’ve been inconsiderate or if their decision was justified. Read the full story below to decide if they made the right call.

‘ AITA – for not having sister in law in wedding party?’

I started dating my fiancé 6 years ago. My fiancé’s family have been great. I like my sister in law but I wouldn’t say we’re close. During Covid, we all lived in my mother in laws house for a month or two. My fiancé and I would hang out with SIL and her husband once/twice a year other than family gatherings.

When SIL got married 2 years ago, she included me in her bachelorette but didn’t have me in her wedding party. This year, fiancé and I got engaged. I wanted to have 6 bridesmaids and that would include SIL. But fiancé wanted just 4. So I didn’t include SIL in the wedding party. we didn’t think she would be offended and my 4 bridesmaids are my very close friends.

Few days ago, SIL asked who we are having in wedding party and I told her the people we chose and she is not in it because we decided on having just 4 people each side. She seemed fine and said “it’s your wedding, you can do whatever you want.”

However, when we were with my mother in law today, MIL told us that SIL and her husband were very upset that we didn’t include them in the wedding party. MIL was siding with them and kept saying “but they are family and she’s your sister” in a stern tone. Personally, I wouldn’t be offended if this hapoened to me. But I understand everyone is different. AITA? what should we do?

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Quidplura −  NTA. Now I would get it if she was disappointed if your wedding party included another SIL, but not her. Even if that was the case, you wouldn’t be an a**hole for not including her, but I would understand the disappointment. And she also didn’t include you in her wedding party right? Why would she expect you to include you?

TumbleweedMaterial53 −  It’s probably your MIL who wants her in the party. My mother uses other people when she means her as she thinks it carries more weight – it doesn’t. I think your MIL is upset not your SIL. NTA.

MorbidBurnOut −  NTA. If they’re claiming family should be in the wedding parties, why weren’t you guys in theirs? It’s yours and your fiancé’s day enjoy it.

ANewBeginningNow −  NTA. If she didn’t include you in her wedding party, she can’t be upset that she isn’t in yours. Even if she did, however, it wouldn’t change anything. People’s circumstances can be different. If you have more close friends than her, you could have made her cut for being a bridesmaid while she doesn’t make yours. However, I would include her in your bachelorette party, just as she included you in hers. Especially since you would have had her as a bridesmaid if the decision was solely up to you.

dncrmom −  NTA she can be a grooms woman & then he will have 5 & you can have the original 5 you wanted.

Fresh_Caramel8148 −  NTA for not including her. But did you actually say “you aren’t in it becasue we’re only having 4”? If so, that’s a bit AHish. Just state who you’re having. You don’t need to point out that you didn’t include her and why if she didn’t ask!!

dropshortreaver −  “So if thats true, why wasnt I in hers? Dont get me wrong, I didnt mind that I wasnt in hers, but I’m wondering why I’m being held to a standard that she wasnt?” NTA.

Pure-Philosopher-175 −  NTA. SIL said it herself – it’s your wedding and your choice. She didn’t have you in her wedding party – why should she expect to be included in yours? Was your fiancé included? If not, obviously ‘faaaaaamily’ wasn’t as important when she got married. If SIL and BIL are really that upset then they can talk to you both about it directly. Sounds like MIL is just trying to rock the boat and needs to stay in her lane.

Beck2010 −  “MIL, I get it. You want your kids to be happy and involved in each other’s lives. I’m sure you think SIL being a bridesmaid will accomplish that. But here’s the thing: you keep pushing the narrative of family and how family should be in the wedding party. I’m wondering why, then, I wasn’t in SIL’s wedding party? Why are we being pushed for inclusion, but they weren’t? We’ve made our choice, and that’s it.”. NTA. But the above message should probably come from your fiancé. Especially as MIL seems to be a rule for thee but not for me type.

Individual_Metal_983 −  NTA and this needs shutting down by your fiancee. It is our wedding. We discussed it and decided on four bridesmaids. Can we remind you we were not in their wedding arty and did not make a fuss about it. This is not a discussion we are going to keep going over.